


Inevitable

by RavensWing



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: F/M, SO, and G_d knows when i will finish it, and have just now decided to post it over here, because this is FANFICTION, but i won't give up on it if you won't, come on now kids, don't come at me with your purist non-sense, for like - Freeform, i have been posting this at ff.net, i take certain author liberties, if you wanted to be pure you'd never venture into this cesspool, it is a nightmare trainwreck, k - Freeform, k?, years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 18:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 88,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14454816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavensWing/pseuds/RavensWing
Summary: Kristoff told himself again and again that what he felt for Anna wasn't love, but that could change. Magic wasn't done with any of them quite yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this. Like. Just don't.

Kristoff wanted to break something, anything, everything. He had only lived in the palace for three days and he already chafed everywhere. He was used to being on the move. He was used to the sky, the earth and dirt on his hands; not walls and windows keeping everything calm, clean, and quiet. He was used to moving and working and fighting, not sitting and watching and waiting. He was used to being alone (because, when he was honest, Sven didn't really count as a human companion) but now there was Anna.

Anna was soft and sweet like spun sugar. She was fearless and wild like a falcon in flight. She was light and air and laughter. She was rock and flint and fire and he had never met anyone quite like her.

Kristoff wasn't the kind of guy that fell in love, not at first sight, not ever really, but he could not deny the inexorable pull she had over him.

It wasn't love. It wasn't. He told himself so over and over again because you don't just go around falling in love with people. It just wasn't the thing to do, but Anna….

He liked her. Sure he did. No one could begrudge him that. Besides, he had stayed in worse places between gigs than in a castle. So he lived in a room that was too large and too small all at once and tried his very best to not spend more than one minute he didn't have to inside of those walls.

**o000o**

Sven didn't like their arrangement much either. He told Kristoff so every time Kristoff came to visit him in the royal stables and pasture (which was often). Kristoff smoothed Sven's muzzle and made promises that they'd get back out there soon. He just needed time to figure out their next move. Having a queen that could produce ice from her fingertips at any time probably wasn't great for business. Not having a sleigh didn't help matters any either. Then there was Anna….

Anna and with those taunting hips hidden beneath twirling skirts and those eyes that flashed so bright they blinded him. Anna and her careful braids that he wanted to ruin with reckless fingers. Anna and that sweet berry smile that he wanted to kiss and kiss until he was the only one she smiled for. Anna and the way she made his head swim and how she made him oscillate between the need to ravage her and the need to protect her. If he wasn't careful, she overwhelmed his every waking thought until there was nothing left but her.

He stroked the silky nose of his oldest friend and fed him the carrots he pilfered from the castle kitchen.

"Don't worry, Sven. I'll figure this all out. I promise."

Sven looked up at him from his carrot and shrugged because it didn't really matter what he thought.

**o000o**

Anna spent a lot of time with Elsa those first few days. He supposed it was to be expected. Sisters driven apart by a terrible secret that wasn't a secret anymore blah blah blah blah blah. That and Anna had never really had a house guest before, so… how was she supposed to know what to do with him?

He tried to not let it bother him that he was just hanging around waiting for her time like spare change, but the lack of her rubbed against his conscious each passing moment. He reminded himself that he liked being alone. That was why he worked alone, traveled alone, ate alone, slept alone… it was easier. There was no giant gap in your chest, no gnawing feeling in your gut, just peace and quiet.

He liked being alone. He sure did. So he focused on that.

He spent most of his time wandering through the castle avoiding servants. There was a lot of room to wander, and a lot of servants to avoid, so it turned into quite the game. Up halls and down halls, trying doors, looking out windows, exploring gardens, it was a maze that he had down by the second afternoon. By the third, the day that Anna finally gave him "the grand tour", he was already figuring out the quickest way to get from one side of the castle from the other without going in certain rooms. It was fun. Kinda.

It _was_ fun, however, to listen to Anna explain the spaces he had already visited. Each person in every painting had a name, even if she had no idea what their real name was. Each room had a routine, a game she would play to pass the time.

_This is where I beat myself at chess!_

_Here is where I practice dancing. I can see myself in that big mirror._ She gave a demonstration.

_This is the best room for drawing, but only on sunny days._

It went on and on. The suit of armor was named Toulouse, the stuffed pheasant was Reina, she broke her own breath holding record on that couch... And he knew this was the first time she had ever gotten to share any of this with anyone. The familiar ache of a lonely childhood crept through his chest.

He knew alone inside and out, but even at his lowest he had Sven, then the trolls, when he really needed someone. It was becoming clear that Anna had no one and hadn't had anyone in a long time. The way she talked was she was trying to fit fifteen years of human contact into fifteen minutes and he wished he could reassure her that he had no plans of leaving any time soon.

He took her hand in his. It was soft, impossibly small, with fingers so thin he would break them like twigs if he squeezed too hard, but her touch still made his pulse race.

Anna smiled up at him from under shy lashes and he couldn't help his own lips from turning up at the corners in return.

No. He didn't mind being alone. It was just that being alone with Anna was better.

**o000o**

He wasn't really into being blindfolded. Or being led places blindfolded. Or really anything that hinged on him implicitly trusting another human being for any period of time because it had never worked out great for him in the past, but when Anna snuck into his room early the morning of the seventh day, he couldn't say no. He didn't think she would let him.

She led him quickly down through the halls and out the doors. He felt the sun on his skin, the fresh air ran fingers through his hair, and he wasn't ready to admit that the reason why he hadn't ripped off his blindfold at this point was because he was actually having fun. That is what led him to being breathless and the closest thing to giddy he had ever felt in his life (lamppost incident aside) that he did not really care what came at the end of this jaunt.

That was until he saw what awaited him.

Anna bought him a sleigh.

No. Not just a sleigh - a masterpiece. It was like his dreams had exploded out of his brain and taken solid shape. No one had ever given him something even close to this great, and even if it was a repayment for the sleigh she had inadvertently crashed, he didn't care. It was like she had given him wings.

So he kissed her, the first real, solid evidence of his affection. The first time he could point to a moment and say he ever really meant a kiss. The first time it was something more than a desperate grab at being less than lonely. And he liked it. He liked it more than he cared to admit, but not enough to stop the roll of his eyes when she put the medal marking his new title of "Ice Master and Deliverer" around his neck.

**o000o**

That night, Elsa froze the dinner table.

It wasn't her fault, not entirely at least. Kristoff wasn't used to eating with so much fuss and formality. When one of the servants came to serve him his soup, he knocked the tray out of the servant's hands with a misplaced elbow. The sisters were talking, distracted, so the crash came as a surprise. Both startled at the noise, but when Elsa's hand hit the table, the entire surface, and all of its contents, froze to a solid sheet of ice.

No one said anything for a moment. It was just the three of them at the table, all looking at each other, all unsure what to do. The servant hurried to clean the mess off of the floor and scurried from the room.

"I - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - uh - you know." Kristoff sputtered, unsure if he was apologizing for the spill or the ice or the awkwardness thereafter. Maybe it was for all of it.

"It's okay." Anna smiled at him across the table. "Elsa can just unfreeze it and everything will be just like it was before. Right, Elsa?"

They both looked at the queen where she sat at the head of the table. She was staring at her hands. Her narrow shoulders trembled.

"Elsa?" Anna reached out to touch her sister's arm.

Elsa flinched away.

"I think I will take my dinner in my room tonight." Elsa's words were measured.

"No! Elsa, please stay. Nothing happened. We are all fine." Anna stood with her sister. Kristoff followed suit.

"Yeah. My soup was way too hot anyway." Kristoff tried to make it better, but it fell on deaf ears.

"You two please stay and eat. I'll see you when it is safe." And with that, Elsa defrosted the table and was gone.

Kristoff looked across the table at Anna as the grand door shut, looking for a cue for what to do, but she was already running after her sister. Then he was alone and had the distinct feeling that his situation wasn't going to change. So he sat and took a bite of his soup.

It was ice cold.

**o000o**

He wanted to go find Anna and make sure she was okay. He wanted to fold her into his arms and chase away her demons, but he didn't. He couldn't. It was all too confusing.

How much exactly was he allowed to do or say within his new title of Ice Master, and kind of Anna's boyfriend. Was he her boyfriend? Was that what this was? Or was she just so lonely and confused that she would take whatever attention she could get and he was just a case of the right place at the right time?

They were different. He knew that. He'd always known that, but a princess and an iceman? How could he ever think that was going to work? Anna had fallen for that scum bag Hans. It was clear that her choices in partners were impulsive and misguided at best. Why should he be an exception?

The more he thought about it, the more his head hurt.

He needed some space to think, to breathe, to be alone and figure out this mess of feelings that tangled tighter in his chest each time he saw her.

He went to the stables that night after dinner and made the necessary arrangements.

That night, in the dark of his room, he fell asleep wondering just exactly where Anna had freckles and where she didn't.

**o000o**

"Take me with you."

She showed up at his door before the first light of dawn crept over the horizon.

"What? Why are you – what are you – how did you...?" He hadn't told her he was going. He left a message with a valet of the details, but he figured the sisters needed some space just as much as he did. Apparently he figured wrong.

"I saw the stable master bring out your sleigh last night and ready it for a journey. I want to go with you."

This was assertive Anna. This was the same Anna who found him in the hay of that crook Oaken's barn and roped him into the craziest adventure he could imagine, but he could see the waver in her confidence beneath the surface. It looked like she was in no shape to go on a two week trek into the mountains where miserable cold and life threatening danger was a way of life. He could tell she had been crying and he wondered if she had slept at all.

That thing, that _need_ to shelter her swelled up inside of him like a wave and crashed against his resolve. How could he keep her safe if he left her behind? How could he keep her safe if she came with him? He couldn't either way, but at least if she stayed behind she'd have the palace guards to keep an eye on her. It was best to stick to the original plan.

"Not this time." He adjusted his pack on his shoulders. The neck of the lute she'd given him knocked the back of his head. "This isn't exactly a joy ride."

"I'm not asking." Her mouth set a firm line.

"Neither am I." He pulled his hat down over forehead.

She raised her chin, defiance blazing, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You do not get to tell me 'no'." There was a challenge there that made him balk, a pretense of authority that reminded him exactly why he stayed away from people in the first place.

"Right. Except in this case – I do." He didn't have time for this. "I'll see you around, Princess." He stepped past her with stiff legs.

"Elsa won't open her door."

He didn't turn around, but he stopped in his tracks. He knew if he turned, he was done for. He stayed still and knew that if he really cared for her, he would keep walking. He'd save her from herself by not giving in, but the crack he heard in Anna's voice wouldn't let him go.

"She won't open her door, won't answer when I knock, and who knows how long that will be? She's stayed in there for _years_ before and I just can't –," her voice broke again and Kristoff knew she was fighting back tears, because she didn't cry. No – she was too tough for that. "I _won't_ be alone like that again. I won't. I won't!"

He could not move, could not breathe, because every fractured edge of her feelings stabbed at his conscious. Inside him, two voices raged war. _Go! Leave her! It will be easier this way. She doesn't understand what we need._ Another (that sounded suspiciously like Sven) said just the opposite: _Love her. Take her. We need her._ His body strained under the conflict.

"Please." Her honesty drained her ammunition, her fight, and all she could do now was ask. "Please let me come with you."

He dropped his chin to his chest. He knew what it was to be left behind all too well, but this… there was no winning here.

"It won't be easy." He tried to keep the growl out of his voice. It was backbreaking work and exhaustion that crept into your bones.

"I know."

 _She knew_. The voice inside snorted. No – _he_ knew. It was all he knew, just like all she knew was living in a castle.

"We travel light and fast. There isn't a lot of room in the sled for extra girly stuff."

"I don't need much."

"It's going to be cold and boring and miserable most of the time."

"I turned into an ice statue. I can deal with cold."

She had a point, but he would never admit it. She was tougher than he gave her credit for.

"I leave in ten minutes. If you are in the sleigh before I go – I suppose I can't very well kick out the princess." Not a yes, not a no, but who was he kidding? It was practically a gift wrapped invitation.

He was only two steps down the hall when she throttled him from behind. Her tiny arms encircled his broad waist and squeezed. It took everything in him to not respond to her touch beyond standing still. After all, he _was_ upset that she ignored his better judgment.

"Thank you." She sighed against his back.

Somewhere deep inside of him, two little voices also sighed but for two different reasons

He hoped against all hope that he wasn't making a huge mistake.

**o000o**

Sven gave a snort that said _she's coming!?_ Kristoff patted the reindeer's nose in understanding as he checked to make sure his friend was rigged onto the sleigh properly. By the time he was done with his inspection, Anna was seated on the passenger side. Her hands rested primly on her lap, and she had the twinkle of wanderlust in her eyes. The kid really needed to get out more.

He placed his pack in the back before climbing up beside Anna, and noticed her small pack resting on top of their food supplies. She didn't need much, indeed. Her pack was half the size of his. He bit back the urge to ask her if she had brought all the essentials (he'd packed food for two) and grabbed the reigns instead. It wasn't his idea to have her come on this excursion and if she was uncomfortable because she forgot to bring a blanket – it served her right.

"Last chance to turn back." Dawn was breaking and he liked how smooth her skin looked in the soft light. "You sure about this?"

"I'm sure." She said, sliding her fingers over his free hand.

His body sparked like it always did whenever their skin touched. For one brief moment, he thought that maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

**o000o**

Arendelle was four hours behind them and with every passing hoof beat, Kristoff felt simultaneous relief and anxiety. Relief because the familiarity of this routine was life affirming and energizing. Anxiety because there was ninety pounds of pure energy riding next to him and he still resented the overwhelming need he felt to take care of her.

If she was so tough and able – she would have to pull her own weight. If she was not going to let him take care of her by staying behind when he told her to – she would just have to keep herself safe. He didn't even want her here! At least part of him didn't. The selfish, scared, sniveling part of him – but a part nonetheless.

Let her get herself killed. That'd show her.

He spent the next several minutes convincing himself that he would absolutely not save her if she needed it. It just encouraged her to be reckless. If she hadn't gotten engaged to that bozo after two minutes her sister wouldn't have frozen the entire world and he never would have gotten into this mess in the first place. He'd never have talked to a snowman, or crashed his sleigh in a ravine, or outrun a giant snow monster by rappelling down a cliff, or felt just how warm and soft a woman could be in a kiss, or – oh hell.

Who was he trying to kid? He'd spend the rest of his life saving Anna if he could, and it looked like she was going to do everything to make sure he had plenty of opportunities to do so.

**o000o**

They hit a bump and the wagon mount his sleigh was strapped to jolted to the side. He hooked an arm around Anna's waist to keep her from careening from her seat before he had a thought. They stayed pressed together like that much longer than was strictly necessary before Kristoff took back his arm with a brusque:

"Pay more attention, would ya? You're going to get yourself killed."

He didn't complain when she scooted close and rested her head on his shoulder.

**o000o**

"Do you want to play a guessing game?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"It can be a lot of fun. I'll show you. I'm going to describe something I see and then you have to guess what it is."

"Is it a tree?"

"Kristoff!"

"Well, is it?"

"You have to wait until I describe it."

"No I don't, because I am not playing."

"Fine. Maybe we should play it sometime when we aren't in a forest."

**o000o**

They make good time and were at the rest point an hour before sundown. It was a familiar place for Kristoff, a clearing he'd camped in more time than he could count, and it felt more like home than any four walls he'd ever lived in. They weren't high enough up in the mountains to hit snow, but Kristoff knew that a chill would settle on the world as soon as the sun went down. That is why he went about setting up camp in a hurry. He needed to get his tent up, a fire built, and the food hoisted up out of reach before it got dark.

Anna jumped out of the sleigh and walked to the fire ring that lived at the center of the clearing. The rocks were charred black and gray from previous fires.

"These little guys aren't more of your family, are they?" She nudged one with her toe.

"Trolls are not the same as rocks." He snapped.

"It was a joke. Calm down, grumpy." She came back over to where he was unloading the sleigh and grabbed her pack. "What can I do to help?"

"Stay out of the way." He'd never been much of the teacher type and didn't see why he should start now. A princess wasn't exactly someone who needed to know how to setup a camp.

"Fine." She sniffed. "I'll just go for a little walk so I don't disturb you." She gave a dramatic bow and he gave her a stern look over the crate of camping supplies he was unpacking.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." He said, but she was already on her way into the woods. "Don't go too far! The wolves will be waking up soon."

He'd be damned if he went looking for her, but with every rustle of every branch he felt the need to go investigate. You know – to protect the camp.

Sven watched all of this with a smirk.

**o000o**

Ten minutes later, Anna stumbled into the clearing with her arms piled so high with sticks and twigs that he could barely see her face. She dumped them in the fire ring, several twigs hooked into her braids and on the front of her dress, and smirked at Kristoff. He looked at her from where he pounded a tent stake into the ground and could do nothing to stop the smile that cracked across his face.

**o000o**

"You take the tent. Sven and I will sleep out here by the fire." They'd finished their simple dinner of root vegetables, hard tack, and salted meat a few minutes before. "We have an early start tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. That way I can keep an eye on the fire."

"No. I mean – are you sure you don't want to sleep in the tent?"

He frowned. Hadn't he just told her that – twice?

"You get the tent, Anna."

"No. Ugh. I mean…" She looked at her feet. Was she blushing? Was he? "I mean – do you want to share? The tent I mean. It is big enough for two."

She looked up at him from beneath long lashes and he tried to swallow, but his throat was suddenly too small. Was she asking… could she possibly be saying… did she really want to… what exactly was happening? His mind refused to believe the conclusion it jumped to. There was just no way. She was absolutely not inviting him into the tent for _that_ , but that was all he could picture.

"It was just an idea. I mean – if you hate it we can just forget it. I just - I didn't want you to be mad at me for taking your tent. I'm not that big. If I scrunch on one side, you'd fit too. It would be tight – sure – it is small tent, but I think we could make it work. If you wanted to. "

She was doing that thing where she talked too fast because she was nervous, and his head spun to try and take it all in. It was difficult to find room to process anything outside of the idea of Anna soft and warm and vulnerable and _close_. She'd been close all day, but this kind of close was different. It was inescapable.

He was supposed to be mad at her for being here. He was supposed to be distant and to make excursions as his sidekick as unattractive as possible. Instead, his body responded to the idea of her being so accessible. His blood warmed. His mind clouded. She was still talking, but he wasn't listening. He was too busy scrambling for a way to explain to Anna why this wasn't a great idea, but the words wouldn't come.

That was why he stepped forward, took her face in his hands, and pressed his mouth to hers. She stiffened at first, sucking in air through her nose and backbone going rigid, but he held her against him. Her steel disappeared with the surprise. She sighed against him. He felt her hands spread across his chest and slide up his shoulders. Thin fingers wove into the hair at the nape of his neck. Shivers raced down his spine at their delicate touch.

His hands glided from her face to wrap around her back. He pulled her closer, _closer_ , forcing her to tilt her head back and her mouth to open under his. He sucked her bottom lip between his. He felt her stuttered breath as much as he heard it. The fingers in his hair tightened, begging with her body, and fueling the fire stoked in his belly.

This was how he wanted to kiss her from the first moment she stormed into the barn where he and Sven were tucked in for the night. She'd been so odd, demanding and diminutive all at once. He'd wanted to kiss her like this just to get her to leave him alone. Now he wanted to kiss her like this because it made his heart ache to think it had ever not known her. He wanted to kiss her until she was limp and breathless in his arms, until she couldn't think or fight or resist, until he could understand the splinter she'd become in his mind.

She whimpered against his mouth and the sound ran through him like a lightning bolt. Forget being alone. Forget needing space. Forget any time that ever existed before Anna and her strawberry tongue. This was what he wanted, no matter how much he tried to talk himself out of it. This, this, and all of this – but there were Rules about Things Like This and Matters of Propriety, which is why he tore his mouth off of hers.

Even in the dim light, he could tell she was flushed. The way she looked at him with those wide eyes was exactly why he took her by the shoulders and pressed her back away from him.

"You take the tent. Alone." He said once he caught his breath. "You take the tent." All of the places where she had been pressed up against him were now so cold in the night air that he regretted each syllable.

He dropped his hands off of her shoulders and took another step back. She pressed two lithe fingers to her lips as if she could keep his kiss there a little longer, and it took everything within him not to help her out with that.

"Goodnight, Anna." He didn't recognize his voice.

At that, she gave him a strange, sated smile from behind her fingers. Her eyelashes fluttered and why was he sending her off alone again?

"Goodnight, Kristoff." She turned and disappeared into the tent.

All he could do was watch her go.


	2. Chapter 2

Kristoff didn't sleep. He couldn't, and it wasn't for the normal reasons. It wasn't too cold. Sven wasn't snoring. There were no creatures in the woods around them making too much noise. If anything, it was too quiet. He couldn't stop his mind from racing.

What was he doing kissing the princess? Who did he think he was? He was no prince. He was an iceman, and that wasn't going to change just because she'd made up a stupid title for him.

He was out of place in her world. Living in the palace for a week had taught him that. He was bred and built for the mountains, not living inside stone walls. He was alive when he plowed his way through the snow or carved ice out of a lake. He loved waking up with aching muscles and still pushing through another long day of work. That was who he was. He couldn't give that up. He wouldn't.

And Anna...

She deserved someone who didn't knock trays at the dinner table and knew three languages. She deserved someone who understood the pressures of royal life and the manners and customs of nobility. She deserved someone who could live inside of a glorified box and not feel suffocated. She deserved someone different, someone better, someone not _him,_ and that thought stabbed him.

The idea of not being with her gave him pain as sharp and real. It made him dizzy. It was like she was lodged in his chest, right next to his heart, and to remover her would surely kill him. On the other hand, the idea of being stuck in the palace for the rest of his life, tied down with duties and ceremonies, made him panic. He couldn't imagine a life outside of being an iceman, but he couldn't be without Anna.

What in the hell was he supposed to do?

_She'll leave you, you know. She'll find someone better suited or Elsa will for her and you will be out._ One half of him hissed.

_She wants you. She needs you. Don't give that up. Don't throw that away. You need her, too._ The Sven half answered.

He was arguing with himself.

She was literally driving him crazy.

He lay back against the furry stomach of his best friend, rising and falling with Sven's deep breaths, and stared at the tent until his eyes wouldn't stay open any longer. By the time he drifted off into a fitful sleep, the fire was nothing but embers.

**o000o**

He kicked the tent to wake her. He didn't trust himself to look inside. What if she were so adorable while she slept that he couldn't bear to wake her? What if he was so transfixed by her that he crawled into the tent and just held her? Then they'd never get to tonight stopping point before sunset and that just wouldn't do. He kicked it again. Nothing, so again. Once more – with feeling.

"Anna. You need to get up. It is time to go."

She groaned inside the canvas walls.

"It's almost sunrise."

The rest of the camp was packed back into his sleigh and all that was left was his tent. It was time to remedy that. He bent over and yanked one of the corner pegs out of the ground, then the middle peg on the same side. When he pulled the final corner peg out from the side, the tent angled sharply to the side.

"You've got about ten seconds before this tent collapses on you."

"Hold on. I'm up. I'm up." Her voice was froggy.

She emerged with a rustle of fabric and a groan. Her hair was a tangled nest around her face and the skin on her cheek was creased with marks from his bedroll. The dress from yesterday was crumpled. She looked so young as she pushed her hair back and blinked sleep filled eyes at him. That damn protective instinct surged into overdrive at the sight of her. Why did she have to look like a helpless baby owl when she woke up? Why couldn't she look like something more disgusting – like a slug?

"The sky isn't even awake. Why are we?" She hugged her arms around her middle with a shiver that he ignored.

"The sun will be up soon. We need to get moving if we are going to make it to the next rest point by dusk." He flattened the tent and pulled out the polls. "You're not much of a morning person, are you?"

"I love mornings. I just don't count any time before the sun rises as 'morning'. But this is good. Sunrises are beautiful. I've seen like ten and each one was great." She yawned and stretched. "Can I help you?"

She sure went from half asleep to fully awake in a hurry. There was no in between with her. All in or all out – and from the way she looked at him he knew she was all in where he was concerned. That made his palms sweat.

"I've got this." He rolled the tent back into a nice parcel. "Why don't you go check on Sven and get in the sled. I'll be over in a minute." He needed a moment to regroup without her looking so bafflingly adorable a few feet away.

"Okay. Can do!" He watched her retreat for a few seconds before tearing his attention back to striking the tent.

After he was done, he took three deep breaths and counted to ten, but he knew there was nothing he could do to prepare himself for Anna.

**o000o**

She brushed her hair for half an hour and counted each stroke.

"One hundred fifty, one hundred fifty one, one hundred fifty two…."

He could not remember the last time he brushed his hair.

"Three hundred eleven, three hundred twelve, three hundred thirteen…"

She sang the numbers now. It could have been obnoxious, but he liked the way her voice sounded.

"Four hundred ninety eight, four hundred ninety nine, five hundred!"

She plopped the brush on her lap and ran her fingers through her locks.

"Sometimes I wish I could wear my hair short like a boy." She twisted the ends of her hair between her fingers. "I almost did it once when I was thirteen, but my mother wouldn't have liked it. She was very particular."

"I like your hair the way it is." To be honest, he would like her if she was bald, but that didn't mean he wanted her to be, or that she needed to know that.

"You do?" Her eyes lit up.

"Yeah. It suits you." The way she reacted made him think she had never gotten a compliment before. Maybe she hadn't.

"I like your hair, too."

"Well – thanks." Come to think of it – he hadn't really gotten that many compliments either.

"It's really – blonde."

"Always has been."

"Mine too. Well not blonde like yours, blonde like mine. My hair looks like my dad's did. Well, kind of anyway. Do you look like your dad?" She busily plated her hair into two long braids while she talked, and missed the look of uncertainty that swept over his face.

"Uh…" He scratched the back of his neck with one hand. "I don't really remember my dad."

"Why not?"

"Because – uh - I never met him."

A beat.

"You mean like never never?"

"No. No, I guess not."

"You guess not or you know not?"

"Know not."

"Oh."

Another beat and Kristoff should have felt more defensive, but with Anna it was different. The aloof unavailability he expected was replaced sincere concern. It was like his problems became her problems just by him saying a few words. He'd never felt that before from a human, ever, and it made him uncomfortable.

"Why?" She asked.

He could tell her the truth, but his stomach twisted at the memories.

Maybe he'd just keep it simple.

"I'm an orphan." He was surprised how easily that came out and he tried to remember the last time he'd said those words out loud. He couldn't. Maybe he never had. "At least until the trolls took me and Sven in."

"So you never knew either of your real parents?" Her eyes were wider than he'd ever seen them.

"Nope."

" _Ever_?"

"Never."

"Wow." She looks at the hairbrush in her lap. "This was my mama's." She lifted the brush for his inspection. "I guess I am an orphan too, except different."

"Your parents _wanted_ you. Mine – not so much." He wasn't bitter, just honest. "That's the difference."

She put the brush down again and turned towards him. She grabbed his forearm in her hand. Her fingers barely reached around the top, but its presence begged him to look at her. He obliged. She looked into his eyes with a conviction so deep that he felt her sincerity all the way down to his toes.

"If you were my baby," Her voice was a solemn vow. "I'd never give you up for anything in the whole entire world."

Her words didn't change the past. They didn't fix the hunger or fear or loneliness that plagued his childhood. They didn't erase the slurs or the exclusion he'd experienced due to no fault of his own. They didn't even really make a whole lot of sense. However, in that moment, somewhere deep inside of him, a wound he'd carried alone for far too long hurt just a little less.

**o000o**

"Do you know the names of all of these mountains?"

"Yes."

"Prove it."

He did.

**o000o**

Anna fell asleep with her head on his shoulder after lunch.

He pulled back on the reins, slowing Sven to an easy walk, and did his best to avoid the larger potholes. The way Sven pulled at his restraints let Kristoff know he wasn't thrilled about the new pace. Normally Kristoff wouldn't be either. They liked to go quickly, but for Anna he would go slowly. He would go as slow as she needed.

**o000o**

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-four." He shifted on his hard wooden seat.

"That seems right. I thought you might be older, maybe because you are so tall, but twenty-four sounds right because you are very grown up."

"Okay. Thanks?"

"No. It is a good thing! I like that you are mature – and tall, you know, because I am too. Mature that is – not tall. Because I am not tall. Anyway, I think it makes us a nice fit."

A nice fit, the twenty-four year old iceman and the something-or-other princess.

Wait a second.

How old was Anna?

It hadn't mattered when they met, or when he was saving her life, or when he was living in the castle, or the twenty billion times he had fantasized about her. In fact it hadn't really mattered until right now, but now it mattered quite a lot.

He wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"How - uh - mature are you?"

"Eighteen." She sat up stick straight. "Well, not actually, not yet, but I almost am. Kinda. My birthday is in eight months."

You could have knocked Kristoff over with a feather.

Anna was seventeen years old.

No. She was barely seventeen, which meant that a few short months ago she was only sixteen years old. Granted when he was sixteen, he was saving to buy his first sled, was well into his ice harvester career, but his version of sixteen and her version of sixteen were starkly different. She'd barely seen a human being or been outside of the castle walls. She was so young, so trusting, and he felt rumbly inside.

"Seventeen." He said it out loud, trying to wrap his mind around it. "Wow. Seven- that is just really something, isn't it? I remember seventeen. Seventeen." He whistled low under his breath.

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Because you keep saying my age. It is freaking me out." She scrunched her freckled nose and scowled.

"Sorry. I just didn't realize you were that -" He couldn't say 'young'. "- seventeen."

"How old did you think I was?"

"I don't know. Older?" Not seventeen.

"Is my age a problem or something?"

"No!" Yes. Maybe. Probably. Yes. "It just wasn't what I was expecting. That's all."

Anna was nothing like he had ever expected ever. So why should her age be anything less than surprising?

"That makes you seven years older than I am. Seven is a nice number, don't you think?"

No. He didn't. Numbers weren't nice. They were cruel and they made him feel like he was taking advantage of her even more so than he did before. Or she was taking advantage of him. Or something.

Seventeen.

Damn it all to hell.

He needed to change the subject before his brain exploded, so he lunged for the first thing that popped into his head.

"Hey – how about that guessing game?"

**o000o**

He unpacked the camp and she got kindling for the fire just like the night before. It could have been domestic except for the fact that he was surer than ever that bringing her was a big mistake.

He knew that seven years (actually closer to eight) was not an impossible gap, it was just that she was a young seventeen and he was an old twenty-four. Her inability to sense his uncertainty at the subject of their age difference showed that. She was just a not-quite-an-adult hungry to experience all the world had to offer and that included Kristoff.

No wonder she agreed to marry perfect strangers.

Why oh why had he opened his dumb mouth and asked how old she was?

She hummed to herself as she flitted around their campsite, but he remained stoic. He was so deep in thought that it startled him when she plopped down next to him on the log by the fire.

"I brought some books." She held a volume in each hand.

Her skirts brushed his thigh. He froze between the need to move and the want to stay.

"Books?" What was she talking about?

"Yeah. Just a few of my favorites. I thought maybe you might want to read one for fun." She handed him one of the books and he took it dumbly.

"This is… nice." He opened to the middle and thumbed through the pages before snapping the cover shut. "But I think I'm good. I've got to get dinner ready." He stood and handed her back the book.

"Oh. Okay. Then I'll just read out loud to you then."

"Yeah. Sure." He couldn't get in much else because she'd already jumped into her reading.

She read poetry. He half listened. He'd never had much use for poetry, but if it kept her occupied that was fine by him. The cadence of her voice rose and fell along the phrases in hypnotic rhythm as he pulled together their simple meal. While a good deal of the vocabulary was over his head, he had to admit that the tone of her voice took was soothing. Just the idea of her being close was soothing, like she eased an ache he hadn't known he had.

That did not make his dilemma any simpler.

Their fare was finished before she was so he sat opposite her and watched her through the flames. The light from the fire made her braids flash red. It cast deep shadows over her soft face that made her look angular, older, and he appreciated that. She made the reading look effortless as she breezed through stanza after stanza. He stared at her mouth and watched how those soft lips formed word after word. He watched her tongue slip between her teeth and curl around the sounds of each letter. He remembered just how those lips and that tongue felt against his.

He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed when she stopped and looked up at him.

"Should I keep going?" Her eyes glinted bright in the fire.

Yes, because he wasn't done reliving every moment where she had been pressed up against him. No, because he really needed to think of any and everything except what she tasted like.

"Dinner is ready." Neither because he wasn't ready to deal with his feelings.

He stood and went over to hand her the tin containing her meal before retreating back to his side of the fire. He ignored her flash of disappointment at his distance.

"You're really good at that." He started conversation before she could point out his remoteness. "The reading thing, that is. It was nice."

Instead of addressing his aloofness, Anna moved over to sit right next to him without missing a beat. Kristoff felt a headache brewing behind his eyes.

"Thanks. I used to read out loud almost every day to Elsa through the door since, you know, she wouldn't talk to me. That book is one of my favorites."

"That would do it then." He looked at his plate, the fire, the darkness beyond – anything but her face.

"Yeah. I always hoped Elsa liked it too. I still haven't asked her yet. I will have to do that when we get back to Arendelle. She'll be out of her room by then, don't you think? Of course she will be. She will have to be. She is queen after all!" Anna didn't breathe. "What do you think?"

"About the book?" Kristoff noticed how she kept edging closer to him on their log seat. Each little scoot made his heart skip a beat.

"No. About Elsa." Anna chewed her bottom lip. "Do you think she'll be out of her room by the time we get back?"

"Sure. Why wouldn't she be?" Potentially lethal ice magic leapt to mind, but that wasn't what she needed to hear right now.

"Of course. Yeah. Right. You are so right." She nibbled on the edge of a biscuit.

They fell into silence then. It was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. It just was. Kristoff was thankful for it. It made it marginally easier to forget that she was a breath away from him all willing, eager, and so very young.

**o000o**

He needed distance.

That was the only thing he had decided in all of his agonizing over Anna. He just needed space to process everything. That was why he had decided to go on this trip in the first place, but then she tagged along and now he was stuck with her. He couldn't very well leave the princess in the middle of the woods, could he? So that meant he would have to create some sort of distance while she was constantly in his personal space.

No kissing. No grabbing her hand. No arm around her shoulder. No touching her in any capacity until he figured out exactly what course of action needed to be taken.

That was just how it had to be.

Dinner was over and he was going to say goodnight to her without getting caught up in everything like he did the night before. He couldn't. He owed it to both of them to be strong enough to say 'no' for now.

She looked at him, a few feet away, with an expectant face.

"I'm going to sleep now." He walked over to where Sven lay by the fire and settled down against his friend.

Anna's expression flickered.

"I get the tent?" She tested the water.

"Yes." The water was cold.

"Alone?"

The question shot straight to his groin.

He shoved his floppy hat over his eyes to keep from looking at her. He knew he was finished if he did.

"Alone." Tension you could cut with a knife.

He wanted to look so badly. He wanted to see how his reticence stunned her. He wanted to make sure this was all worth it, because it sure didn't feel worth it.

"Okay then – um – goodnight?" She gave him one last chance to change his mind.

He wouldn't.

He couldn't.

He was doing this all to keep her safe, wasn't he?

"Goodnight." He didn't move. He didn't dare.

_She's seventeen. She's seventeen. She's seventeen. She's seventeen…_ he thought into the blackness as he listened to her pad over to the tent and climb inside.

The more he thought it though, the less sure he was that it really mattered.

_She's a princess._ A voice hissed in the dark, and he knew that no matter how many times he thought that - it would always matter a great deal.


	3. Chapter 3

Kristoff dreamed he was in Elsa's ice palace. Shadows of his reflection gleamed on every surface, but what captured his attention even more was the girl standing in the middle of the room, back to him but he'd know her anywhere.

"Anna." His voice echoed.

She turned. Her face lit in a wide smile. She crashed into him before he had a chance to stop her. Her arms entangled his neck. His wrapped his around her waist to brace himself as much as anything.

"Kristoff!"

"Anna I…" he started, trying to push her back, to gain some distance even in dreams, but when he looked down at her he saw he wasn't holding a young woman. He held an infant. The surprise of it rendered him speechless, thoughtless, motionless. Then - the child screamed.

The walls rattled at the force. The chandelier clattered. His brain jiggled around behind his eyes like it was trying to shake loose. He squeezed his eyes shut against the pain ripping through his head.

Then infant Anna screamed again and Kristoff felt it like a sonic boom. The force of her cry tore her from his arms and he was helpless to stop it as the sound threw him twenty feet back. He crashed against the wall of ice and crumpled to the ground. Infant Anna tumbled to the ground. He tried to stand, to run, to reach her before she smashed onto the unforgiving floor, but he was too far away.

Just as she was about the meet the ground, the ice grew up and formed a cradle around her. The instant the ice received Anna, she stopped crying. It wasn't till Kristoff heard another voice that he realized that they weren't alone.

"You cannot keep her safe." It was Elsa.

Frozen energy crackled around her, sparking off of her fingertips, flashing in her eyes, but he didn't feel afraid for himself. He was afraid for Anna.

"I can. I will." He stepped forward and Elsa raised a hand toward him.

"Leave now."

"Not without Anna." He kept going forward, eyes on the prize, so he felt it before he saw it.

His feet stopped moving, or rather he couldn't move them anymore even though his legs strained to push forward. He looked down. His feet were encased in solid ice.

"You cannot keep her safe." Elsa repeated and the ice around his feet grew up his calves, his knees, his thighs.

"I can! I will!" Panic ran through Kristoff's system as the ice crept up his body.

"Too late." Then with a flick of her wrist, a white bolt shot from Elsa's fingertips and struck his chest.

Cold, real and as deep as anything he'd ever felt, surged through his blood. He couldn't breathe. His lungs froze in burning pain. He looked at his hands as the icy coffin swept to cover the last remaining parts of him. They were already blue.

The last thing he saw before the ice consumed him was Elsa lifting baby Anna in her arms and then smashing the infant against the ground.

**o000o**

He woke with a start, chest heaving, pulse racing, and looked over to where the tent lay in the dark. It took all of his strength to not go check inside. He leaned back against Sven and squeezed his eyes shut.

"It was only a dream." He breathed the words into the stillness. "It was only a dream." He whispered again.

He didn't sleep the rest of the night.

**o000o**

He kicked her tent again to wake her. This time, however, she crawled out before he started striking the tent around her. He did his best not to look at her. That was partially because he didn't want to see her enshrouded by sleepy adorableness and partially because he was afraid this was another dream and she would melt into a hysterical infant again.

"Morning." She yawned. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby." He said without a hint of a smile.

**o000o**

He wasn't as prepared this morning as he was yesterday. There were still a few things to do here or there around the camp before they could leave, and Anna fluttered about with irritating energy.

"Let me help you." She reached to take the bundled tent from his arms.

"No. I've got it." He avoided the disappointed expression he knew she wore.

"Well how about the perimeter lanterns? I'll get those!"

"No. Leave them. I'll get them in a minute."

"Then what _can_ I do?"

He loaded the tent into the sleigh and nodded his head towards his reindeer.

"Check on Sven. See if he is done eating his breakfast. Then get in the sleigh and wait."

"Great. I'm on it." She turned and headed over to where Sven munched from a feedbag. Halfway to her destination, she spun on a heel and looked back. "Hey Kristoff?"

"Yeah?" He paused and looked at her. Even in the dim pre-dawn light he could see the spark of excitement on her face.

"Do you think you could teach me how to drive?"

**o000o**

Sven was used to pulling a sled and this path was one he'd walked a hundred times before, so Anna wasn't steering as much as he was on autopilot. Every once in a while she would pull back too hard or too sharply to the side and he would turn his head and glare back at the humans behind him. He'd like to put a metal bar in _their_ mouths and see how they liked it. Whenever he looked back though, Kristoff was too busy with his arm around Anna shoulders and his hands over hers on the reigns to pay much attention to his furry best friend.

Sven could only be so irritated, though, because it had been a long time since he'd seen Kristoff try so hard to not be happy.

**o000o**

He should have told her no.

He should have told her _hell no_ because she was still seventeen and a princess and he was supposed to put distance between them until he figured out how he felt about all this. Either way, here he was with his arm around her shoulders, his rough hands wrapped over her soft ones on the reins, and his confused heart beating so hard he thought it may burst. It was just so easy with her. One thing led to the next and before he knew it, they were wrapped into each other.

Anna smelled nice.

He'd noticed that before, but when she was tucked up against him like this it was overwhelming. Her scent was earthy and bright, ground and sky, and it went straight to his head. It was not fair for her to smell this tempting, this womanly. She was cheating. How was he supposed to fight this aching need for her growing inside of him when she smelled like that? He found himself closing his eyes and just breathing her in.

"Why are your eyes closed?"

Her voice startled him and he accidentally pulled on Sven's reins too hard. The reindeer cast him a dirty look that he didn't catch because he was too busy looking down at Anna's upturned face. She watched him with a playful wink in her eye, like she had caught him with his hand in the cookie jar, but also like that wasn't a bad thing. But it was. It was a very bad thing.

"Uh – I was just – my eyes were closed – I close my eyes – you are – it helps me get a feel for the road." He struggled to come up with an excuse, but her face was so close it was difficult.

"Uh huh. Sure. So it has nothing to do with waking up before the sun?" Her lips quirked into a smirk. She thought she was so smart.

 _If only_. If only it was as simple as him being tired, but he was learning that nothing that had to do with this girl or his feelings for her was simple.

"No. That's not it."

Why did his voice get so low and quiet? It should have had an edge, a bite, to it to prove his point. He wasn't tired. Well, he was, but his eyes being closed was _her_ fault. So why was his voice gentle? Why could he not stop staring at her mouth? Because she was so close, so, so close. Because she was under his skin, in his blood and bones. Because her eyes fluttered closed at the same time as her lips parted and he felt the warmth of her breath on his cheek. Because all he had to do was tilt his head a bit to the left, lean in, and…

The wagon mount hit a hole in the path and they smacked foreheads together with a crack. They pulled back with a hiss and Anna yanked her hands out from under his on the reins.

"Are you all right?" Her small hand went up to brush his thick blonde hair off of his forehead and examine the damage.

He flinched away from her maternal touch because the truth was it hurt like hell and he didn't want her to touch it. He didn't want her touching him ever. Except he did. Everything was too confusing right now.

"I'm fine. Thick skull, remember? Are you okay?"

She retracted her hand and ghosted fingers across a spot above her right eyebrow with a wince.

"I'll be fine." Her smile pulled more like a grimace and he felt a pang of guilt.

 _You cannot keep her safe._ Dream Elsa's voice rang through his head. He wanted to disagree, but he couldn't.

"Maybe I should drive for a while." He pulled his arm from around her shoulder and up over her head. "You know, just till you recover." He slid away from her, just an inch or two, just enough space that he wasn't pressed right up against her.

"I'm fine." She scowled at him. "Maybe _you_ shouldn't drive with your eyes closed."

Kristoff bit his tongue because even though she was right, he would never admit it. He didn't like it when people pointed out his mistakes, especially people named Anna. Especially when those mistakes would have never happened if she just listened to him in the first place and stayed behind.

"I had everything under control."

"You mean until you tried to kiss me in a moving wagon sled thing."

His ears grew hot with anger and embarrassment. She spoke the words like she'd caught him sinning, like she knew his secret self-covenant not to touch her, and guilt made his lung burn.

"I was not trying to kiss you!" Like denying the truth made it disappear, like lying was his saving grace.

"You weren't?" She blinked.

"No. I wasn't." Pressure like a vice around his chest.

"Well…" She swallowed. "Why not?"

"Why not what?"

"Why weren't you trying to kiss me? Don't you want to kiss me?"

She looked up at him and there was no accusation. She was so heartbreakingly vulnerable that it made his breath catch. She looked at him like he had her heart in his hands. He didn't like that. The idea of being the sole custodian of this girl's happiness was it was too much. She was too young. She was _a princess_. His palms went clammy and sweat broke out of the back of his neck.

Distance. Now. For both their sakes'.

"No." He screwed his mouth into a firm line and sat up straight. "I don't."

Pained surprise washed over her face. She blinked to keep back the sheen of tears that jumped to her eyes. She turned to look towards the road ahead and he pretended to do the same, but watched her out of the corner of his eye. A tear leaked onto her cheek and she batted away with a sniff. So tough, so fragile, and he steeled himself against the guilt that tear made him feel.

"Oh. Okay." Was all she said and wrapped her arms around her middle.

And for the first time since he'd met her, he wished she would say more.

**o000o**

"It's getting cold."

"It just gets colder from here."

**o000o**

They reached the snowline an hour later. They'd made the preparation to leave summer already and put on their winter covers when they stopped for a tense lunch, but this made the transition all the more real. The ground glistened with a fine sheen of glittering frost that soon gave way to the barest dusting of flakes and grew from there. Anna felt like they were traveling some magic trail that led them to a new world.

"Is it always like this?" She asked in awe.

"Like what?"

"Like you're skipping seasons? Like you have the power to change the time of year just by thinking it?"

"You mean like your sister?"

"Yeah." The excitement felt out of her voice. "Like my sister."

**o000o**

Anna had been reading to herself for almost an hour. Then without warning she snapped her book shut.

"How many people have you kissed? Other than me – I mean."

"Uh…"

"More than two?"

"Yeah."

"More than three?"

"Yes."

"More than four?"

"Where are you going with this, exactly?"

"I just wanted to know how much work I have to do to catch up."

He almost stopped the sleigh.

"You want to know what?"

"You know – how far behind I am. I mean I figured I was a little behind with the whole being alone in a closed off castle for most of my life, but I just wanted to know _how_ behind I am."

He had a white knuckled grip on those reins.

"So you are just going to go around kissing whoever until you are all caught up to whatever you think the standard is?"

"Maybe. Do you have a problem with that?"

She was fighting back against the cruelty he'd shown earlier, and he knew it. She was dangling herself as bait in front of him. He wouldn't bite. Even if his heart was pounding so hard at the thought of her kissing someone else that he could hear it thrumming in his ears, he would never. Let her go kiss whatever toad she could find crazy enough to put up with her. They were doing him a huge favor because he _could not_ kiss her.

Hell, he couldn't even look at her.

His eyes always found that sweet spot on the slender column of her neck that he's wanted to taste since the first time they met. They found the curve of her bottom lip and how her soft pink tongue darted out anxiously if he stared too long. They knew the impossible diameter of her waist and the fragile length of her collarbone so well he could write books about them. His eyes knew the way her bodice swelled out to cover round breasts and-

He couldn't look at her. He couldn't kiss her. He couldn't keep her safe.

All he could do was train his eyes on the path ahead like his life depended on it.

He forced a tight smile. "Nope. No problem at all."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

A pause.

"So… more than four?"

**o000o**

She practiced bird calls for almost an hour and it took all of his limited self-control to not push her out of the sleigh. How could she insist on making such happy noises when he was in such a bad mood? This had to be part of her punishment for him trying to keep her safe. Childish really, Kristoff thought, but then again she was seventeen and royalty and _why_ did _every_ thought he had go back to _that?_

He clucked at Sven with his tongue, and his friend picked up the pace.

"How much longer?" Her voice grated on his raw nerves.

"A couple miles. We'll be there in the hour."

"Oh." She was quiet for a moment, but then a bird called and she answered.

Kristoff clenched his jaw until he felt like his teeth might crack.

**o000o**

It was a small inn tucked next to the path. It was a rough place with rough company, mostly icemen and loggers, but Kristoff knew it well. It was the best place within miles for a decent bed and a hot meal before braving Lake Limingen. It was also the only place he could leave his wagon mount until he came back down the mountain.

He got out of the sled and tied Sven to the hitching post.

"Stay here. I'm just going to make sure we are all set in here before we put Sven up in the stable."

"I'm coming with you."

He was going to tell her to wait in the rig, but she jumped down from her seat into the powder on the ground. He didn't have the energy to argue.

The old wooden building's entry was a bar filled with smoke and laughter. He recognized several faces in the haze of benches, tables, and ale.

"Is that you, Kristoff?" An older woman dressed predominately in fur came out of a small crowd.

"Hilde," Kristoff greeted her with a nod and a smile. "Got room for me and my rig tonight? Headed up to Limingen tomorrow."

The woman, Hilde, could have been Kristoff's mother. She was tall and broad with a long graying blonde braid trailing the length of her back and soft brown eyes that hardened when she saw Anna behind him.

"Who's she?" Hilde pointed and Kristoff opened so that Hilde had a better view.

"Oh. Her? Uh…" Kristoff didn't know how to introduce her. Was it Anna? Or Princess? Or Princess Anna of Arendelle? Or High Royal Pain In His Ass?

"I'm Princess Anna from Arendelle. Kristoff is our new Ice Master and I am accompanying him to learn more about the trade." Anna said without missing a beat and Kristoff wondered if she had practiced that line.

"Uh yeah. What she said." Kristoff looked at Hilde who was still sizing up Anna. The girl did stick out like a sore thumb. "So what do you say? You have a place for us tonight?"

"I've only got one room left." She sniffed. "It wasn't made with a princess in mind, but if you want it, you can have it. You two will have to sort out who gets the bed."

So much for Kristoff sleeping in a real bed for one night. Great. Just peachy. This day was so much fun.

"That's fine." It wasn't. Kristoff rummaged in his pocket for some coins and handed them to Hilde. "I'm going to put my rig up in the barn. Her Highness will let you know if she needs anything. She's pretty good at that."

"There should be some feed in the bin by the door. You know what to do." Hilde inspected the money, pocketed it, and handed Kristoff a key from inside her many furs. "The room is upstairs at the end of the hall."

With a terse nod to Hilde, Kristoff turned to Anna.

"Wait here." He walked past her. "I'll be right back."

"I'll come with you." He heard her follow but didn't turn.

"No. You'll just be in the way. Stay here." He was at the door.

"But –"

"Just – stay here. Okay?" His patience snapped and he didn't look at her because he was afraid what he would see. "For once just listen to me, will you? Just stay here."

He stepped out into the cold and slammed the door before she had a chance to argue.

He half expected her to follow, and was ashamed of how disappointed he was when she didn't.

Distance had its price.

**o000o**

By the time he made it to Sven to take him up to the barn, Kristoff was exhausted. Everything about the past forty eight hours had been an energy suck. The twenty yards in the snow felt like twenty miles, but he untied his friend and began the march.

Sven stared at him. His large brown eyes filled with concern, and Kristoff couldn't ignore him.

"Don't worry buddy. I am fine."

_You don't look fine._

"Trust me. I am. It's just Anna..." Anna and the way she sang every song she knew today twice. Anna and how she got so excited when she saw a winter hare. Anna and how he made her cry.

_You like her._

"Well sure I like her. She is likable."

_Then why do you push her away?_

"It isn't that simple, Sven."

They reached the barn and entered in silence before Sven spoke again.

_She likes you too, you know._

"I know, I know. It's just…"

Sven nudged Kristoff's arm with his soft nose for encouragement as his friend started unhooking him from the sled.

_What?_

Kristoff's fingers moved mindless to unfasten the latches. "Well how about the fact that she's seventeen, Sven. Seventeen! And a princess. How could I be so stupid? I mean, shit, I have nothing. No house, no money, no family," Sven whacked him with his antler. "No _real_ family, no bloodline – nothing. I'm not the guy that lives in castles and marries princesses. Someday she is going to wake up and realize that and she will be gone. She will leave and _Odin_ _-!_ "

That was how this story went. It only made sense. Distance his ass. He was pushing her out the door before she could walk out of it.

_You think she is going to leave you?_

Kristoff shrugged, not wanting to answer. Sven kicked his shin.

"Ow!"

_Do you?_

"You don't have to kick me!"

_Then answer my question._

"Yeah I guess so." Everyone else had walked out on him. Why should Anna be different? "Still didn't have to kick me." Sven smirked.

_Now you are running away._

"I am not running away."

_Because you are scared._

"I never said anything about being scared!"

_You didn't have to._

"You never listen to anything I say ever."

_You're scared._

"I don't even know why I try to talk to you."

_Scared. Scared. Scared._

"I am not."

_Are too._

"Am not!"

_Are too!_

"I am not!" He yanked Sven's harness off and took it to the tack wall. "Would you stop saying that?"

Kristoff came back, brush in hand, and began cleaning up his friend. Sven was quiet, waiting for Kristoff to break, because Kristoff always broke. After a few minutes of silent brushing, Kristoff did.

"I wish she would just go ahead and leave. You know?" Exhaustion crept over Kristoff's every word. "I can't keep her safe. I don't know how. I couldn't keep her safe from Elsa. I practically gift wrapped her for Hans. I can't even keep her safe from _me_." His voice dropped. "I'm no good for her, Sven."

Sven gave him his best knowing smile.

_Why don't you let Anna decide that?_

**o000o**

By the time he made it back down to the lodge from the barn a half an hour had passed. He hadn't meant for it to be that long, but it always took longer than he expected to get Sven settled in a new place. He thought of just staying in the warm, musty barn where everything was simple and made sense, but he couldn't. He'd left Anna down in the lodge with company she would do best to avoid for too long as it was.

He grabbed their packs and his bed roll, said goodnight to Sven, and went back down to the lodge. He could hear the commotion from inside before he was halfway there. The rowdiness sped his tired legs. What in the hell was going on?

What he saw when he walked in stopped him dead in his tracks.

The hazy common area was alive with music. A thickset logger Kristoff knew as Aleksander played a lively jig on his fiddle. Hilde belted the words to the familiar tune in her gravely alto. A group of twenty grizzled men around the sturdy table clapped along to the beat. None of that phased Kristoff in the slightest. The thing that nailed him to the ground was Anna.

Anna was dancing. No, not just dancing. She was dancing on top of the table alongside a dark haired man Kristoff did not know. He was young, tall, broad shouldered, and Kristoff wanted to kill him. Anger, dark red and dangerous, flared in his blood at the realization that this dark stranger knew how small Anna's waist felt in his hands, knew the fragile weight of her, and saw the spark in her smile.

The spell of the scene broke when the song ended a moment later and Anna's dance partner dipped her. She dropped her head back, laughing, until her eyes caught sight of Kristoff where he was rooted by the door.

"Kristoff!" She straightened and jumped off of the table to hurry over to him. "We were all just talking and then it turns out that Aleks plays the fiddle…"

"Anna." All of the tension that he'd left behind the barn found him again.

"And Hilde _sings_ and knows the words to _so many_ songs…"

"Anna."

She kept talking: "So we started singing and dancing and I was just teaching Gunnar how to do a jig I know. He is a fast learner!"

Kristoff was sure Gunnar was. The bastard.

"Anna." He was losing patience.

"Come on! I'll teach you after Anton. He's next." She grabbed at his gloved hand, but he flinched away.

"No Anna." He said and the smile on her face faltered.

"Why not?"

He was aware just how quiet the room was now. All eyes were on them.

"Because it is late and we are leaving early." And if he has to watch her dance with whoever this Anton was, he'd probably kill someone.

"One dance won't hurt. Come on. Please?"

She held out her hand, small and white, and he wanted to take it. He wanted to spin her around until she was dizzy and breathless. He wanted to hold her and touch her until she forgot the feel of any other man's touch. He wanted to dance with her, but he wouldn't.

"I'm going to bed. You do what you want." He turned and made it halfway up the stairs before she caught up to him.

"What's wrong, Kristoff?" She tried to catch his arm, his hand, his shoulder, but he moved out of her reach.

"Nothing's wrong." He felt the Sven part of his brain kick him.

"You're acting like something is bothering you." She fell in beside him despite his determined stride.

More like _someone._ "I told you I am fine. I am just not in the mood for dancing." Or seeing another man's hands all over the body he longed to hold.

"You don't have to dance if you don't want to. You can just watch with everyone else. They're good people. You should come back down and see. I was making friends."

Kristoff knew just what kind of people those folks were. He was one of them. Good was not the first adjective that leapt to his mind to describe them. He unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"None of those guys were interested in being your friend. I can promise you that."

"Oh yeah? Then why were they talking with me and laughing with me and _dancing_ with me? That seems pretty friendly to me." Anna followed him into the small dark room.

"Oh. I am sure they were all very friendly, but that doesn't mean they wanted to be your friends." Kristoff fumbled to light a lamp.

"Then what? What do they want?"

He turned to see Anna with her arms akimbo, face alight with more than just the dim lamp, and he saw the hurt he put there. This conversation was dangerous territory and he'd do best to avoid it.

 _Now you are running away_. Sven's voice rattled through his brain, unwelcome.

"Never mind." He ignored Sven and Anna as he turned to the small hearth to stir the coals Hilde left there.

"I want to know." She came up behind him and put a hand on his arm. "Please tell me."

He wanted to melt into her touch, to succumb to the rushing warmth that surged from her hand throughout his body, but he wouldn't. Instead he shrugged her off, moving away from her and closer to where he was trying to start a fire.

"No. You don't."

"I just told you I did. Why doesn't anyone trust me to make up my own mind?" The question was rhetorical, but he had to bite his tongue to not answer.

He could think of a couple reasons.

Reasons like how she chose to marry a complete stranger, and insisted on traveling at night leaving them susceptible to wolf attack. Then there was the time she tried to climb an impossible rock face, provoked a snow monster, and cut his rope so that they fell two hundred feet to possible death. Worst of all she chose to trust him, on any level, ever.

Just like fire sparked in the kindling, actions had consequences, and she needed to know that.

"Fine. You want to know what those guys wanted?" He stood and turned. She was closer than expected, practically toe to toe, head craned to glare up at him. He tried to remain impassive, but the enigmatic spark in her eye made it difficult.

"Yeah. I do." She pushed up her chin in defiance.

He could break her so easily. "They want - you."

"What do you mean?" Her face made it clear that was not the answer she expected.

"I mean they want _you_." He gestured with his hands to the length of her, careful not to brush any part of her.

She blinked, wheels turned.

"You mean, like, they want to kiss me?" She said it like that was surprising, like she didn't understand how tempting she was.

"Yeah. I guess so." He opted to not mention the other things they wanted, but she still blushed. She was the killing him.

"Well. Maybe I want that too." She pulled up her chin to stare him bold in the face, daring him to make her regret it.

He said nothing. His throat was too tight with emotion he refused to label and he looked up at the ceiling.

He heard her withdraw, footsteps on floorboards, and her distance was a tangible thing in his chest. He heard the door unlatch like a gunshot.

She was leaving and all he could see in his mind's eye was Gunnar's hands on her waist. All he could think about was the faceless Anton and what he might do to Anna if given the chance. There were twenty men with forty hands downstairs and he balked at the idea of any of them touching her. Kristoff knew he was no knight in shining armor, but at least he knew he had Anna's best interest at heart. He could not say so much for the crowd downstairs. That was why he couldn't stop the traitorous words that ripped out of his throat.

"I don't want you kissing anyone else."

His gaze tore to hers, as surprised as she was to hear those words, and her confused expression mirrored his own.

"But you said…"

"I know what I said." Oh boy did he ever.

"So… does this mean…" She was afraid to ask, afraid to hope after all he had put her through. He didn't blame her. "Do _you_ want to kiss me?"

 _Yes! Oh gods yes._ The Sven voice jumped in before he had a chance to stop it.

_No! She's just going to leave. Best to beat her to it!_

_We need her._

_No. We don't!_

His head throbbed. He swallowed mouthfuls of nothing.

"It isn't that simple Anna."

"Then what do you want Kristoff?" Anna's sweet face crumpled under the weight of her confusion. "First you kiss me, then you say you don't want to kiss me even though you definitely did try to, then you tell me it is fine for me to kiss someone else and now…? I've spent my whole life in that stupid castle just waiting to live it. I am not waiting anymore. So you have to make up your mind. Do you want to kiss me or not?"

He looked at her in despair. He felt himself being torn in two. Her words swirled around in his head, confusing him, tearing at him.

He was scared.

Sven was right. He'd been scared she would leave and unavoidably break his heart. Now he saw that, with her about to walk out that door, he was just as scared that he would break her heart if she stayed. No matter what he did, he felt like he was letting her down.

She gave him a sad smile when he didn't reply and turned back to the door. She pulled it open. Flashes of Gunnar and his wolfish smile danced in front of his eyes.

 _You cannot keep her safe._ A challenge. A curse.

 _I can. I will_. His answer. His promise.

It took him no time to close the gap between them. He grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face him before pressing her back against the door, closing it with her momentum. She gasped. Her eyes opened wide in surprise. The heat of her body seeped through her dress into his palms, his fingers, and he wondered if she was this warm everywhere. She was so close. That sweet smell attacked his senses.

"I want to kiss you." Her face was so close he felt the breath of his words roll off her cheek and hit his lips again.

"You do?" A whisper.

"Uh huh." He nodded. His nose grazed hers. "I always want to kiss you."

"So why don't you?" Her eyes flickered closed, her chin tilted up, begging him to end this confusion in the clearest way possible.

He wanted her so badly that his need pulsed inside his chest like an extra heart, but he couldn't bring himself to close that distance between their lips. There was so much left to say. There was so much he still needed her to understand.

He wanted to tell her what he told Sven. He wanted to tell her about his fear of her leaving and of her staying. He wanted to tell her exactly what the wolves downstairs wanted from her because he wanted the same things.

He wanted to tell her, but the words stuck in his throat.

He pulled back. Her eyes drifted open. He dropped his hands off of her shoulders.

"It isn't that simple." He wished it was.

"Why?" She pressed two fingers to lips like he had kissed her and she had missed it. Hurt and confusion came off of her in waves.

"You take the room. I'll sleep in the hall." He reached past her to where he'd dropped his pack and bedroll by the door.

"I don't understand."

"We've got a long day tomorrow. Better get some rest." He reached out and tried to move her away from the door, but she wouldn't budge.

"Kristoff - why didn't you kiss me?"

He gave her a wan smile, wishing he had a better reason than he did.

"Because I'm trying to keep you safe." He said but did not expect her to understand. The expression on her face assured him that she didn't, but this time she didn't stop him when he moved her out of the way and left her alone in the room.

**o000o**

He spread his bedroll on the floor in front of her door and did not think of what might be happening inside. He did not think about how sweet and soft she was. He did not think about her sadness or how he was the root of it. He did not think of her. He would not.

He turned on his side and felt the hard outline of the key press into his hip. He sat up and fished the it out of his pocket. He'd never locked a door before in his life. He'd never had a reason to, but now he turned the key hard and fast from his place seated in front of it. Kristoff returned the key to its place in his pocket and settled down again for sleep.

He would not think about why he locked the door. That would be too much for his weary mind to process, but in his heart he knew.

He locked the door because, with her inside, he had something to lose.


	4. Chapter 4

Anna knocked on her door for hours, begging Elsa to come out, to let her come in, but Elsa couldn't. She wouldn't. It wasn't safe. She wasn't ready. Would she ever be ready? How could she have thought she was ready?

Time crept by, and eventually the knocking stopped. The light outside her frosted window pane waxed and waned in relentless rhythm that she noted whether or not she wanted to. Years alone in here made time keeping a forced habit. By the dawn of her second day in seclusion, her room was painted in sparkling white. Frost like spider webs clung to the stone walls. Ice and snow formed piles and patterns on the floor, in the air, and she sat on the center of her bed surrounded by two feet of powder.

Another day - her father's perpetually sad expression flickered through her mind - another disappointment.

Love thawed. She knew that now. It was supposed to give her control over her powers, but it didn't. Not completely. There was still winter in her bones, in her veins, in her heart. Her curse would never just _leave._

 _Nothing happened. We are all fine._ Anna had insisted and she was correct. This time, they were fine, but what about next time? Because there would be a next time, and a time after that, and –

Pounding behind her eyes like her brain would explode.

She needed sleep. Her body ached, and yet she could not rest. It was morning, and one day in hiding was one day too long when you were queen. Morning meant a new day and a new day meant new problems to add to the old. Her mind's eye flashed to the scene that would doubtless greet her: missives a mile high on her desk, trade negotiations, reports from the Royal Treasury to review and approve, land disputes between nobility, talking to Anna –

Icicles shot like spears out of her walls.

_So tired._

There was a knock on her door.

"Your majesty." It was Kai, head butler, an institution as much as he was a man, and the only person who knocked on her door besides Anna since her parents died. Always knocked, seldom opened. Did it keep them out or her in? "The kitchen wonders where you would like to take your breakfast?"

It was the same question she'd heard every morning since her childhood sequestering. It hadn't changed, but everything else had.

She was queen now, not some scared little girl. Arendelle was no longer a kingdom of closed gates and closed doors. She didn't have to hide anymore. She pushed through the piles of snow on her covers, on the ground, and stepped towards the door. Her legs trembled from exhaustion, hunger, and nerves, but she managed to make it to the door.

She reached.

The door handle froze over the moment she touched it, and _ohgodsshecannotdothis_ –

She needed another minute to compose herself, to tamp down and clean up this storm before she faced the world again. She ran shaking hands down the front of her skirt like she could smooth away her troubles.

Deep breath to keep the quiver out of her voice, then through the door: "Please tell the kitchen I will take my breakfast at my desk in the library."

The desk that had been her father's and his father's before that. Fearless kings who had ruled with grace and honor. Now it was her turn. She had to be fearless like them, fearless like Anna –

Galvanic tremors and her room took on an eerie shade of red. She squeezed her eyes closed. This storm could not leave this room.

"Very good, Your Highness."

She didn't exhale until she heard Kai's footsteps echo down the hall.

She stared at the door handle, the carved surface just as ornate as the frost covering it, and she had to stop this winter. She was queen now. It was time to put personal matters aside and attend to her duties.

Deep breaths, one, two, three, and - flashes of her father growing frustrated as she froze the water in _another_ glass, her mother's frightened hover in periphery, _you must learn to control it_ – exhale, one, two, three, and again.

She had learned. She was done being a disappointment.

She held out her hands and pressed every anxious thought out of her mind. Elsa felt the storm quiet around her as she tried her best to subdue her curse. Her body shook. She did not remember it being so difficult before, but she refused to wonder at the reasons why that could be. By the time the last snowflake had returned from whence it came, Elsa felt faint. She turned and slumped back against her door to catch her breath.

Inhale, one, two, three, and – she was a small, scared girl who wanted a hug, but her mother refused to touch her, and she wondered why she never learned that love thawed – exhale, one, two, three, and again.

Elsa collected herself and went to her dresser. She opened the largest drawer and reached in. The feel of the drawer's brimming contents was like the caress of an old lover, comforting and unsettling all at once. She dutifully slipped each finger into their fabric casing, and remembered the first time her father had given her gloves to wear. _Conceal – don't feel –_ and she didn't. She never let anything show. Her senses dulled beneath the fabric, the curse under her skin itched at its confinement, but this was how it had to be. It was how she would keep everyone safe.

 _We are all fine._ _We are all fine. We. Are. All. Fine._

She clung to that thought, not daring to let her mind wander further, but instead let her thoughts drift to the North Mountain and solitude and _freedom_.

**o000o**

Anna slid down the rough wood of the decidedly closed door and tried to not have a panic attack.

Love was supposed to _open_ doors, not close them. Then again, she'd thought that about Hans and that had worked out just _great_ , or whatever. More on the 'whatever' side since he turned out to be totally evil.

She thought Kristoff was different, because he was. He had to be. He wasn't a prince, or evil. He wasn't even political. He was just Kristoff, the mountain man, her pungent reindeer king, and she thought he actually liked her, or something, but it looked like she was wrong. Or was she? After all, he said he wanted to kiss her. That had to mean _something_ , didn't it? He said he _always_ wanted to kiss her even though he kept _not_ kissing her. Was that how it worked out here if you liked someone? You said and did opposite things until the other person was so thoroughly confused that they felt dizzy standing up?

That didn't seem right, but then again, what did Anna know about love? She was starting to think it was close to nothing, and maybe it was. The only example she'd ever had (outside of the paintings in the gallery) was her parents, and she didn't remember them making each other crazy, dizzy, or frustrated. Then again, she didn't remember seeing her parents touch each other either. She definitely had never taken the time to wonder if her parents had been in love and she had most definitely never asked them if they were. Now she had so many questions she would never get answered.

How had they met? Was it love at first sight? Did they marry right away? Did her mother mind the way her father ate? Did they know each other's shoe sizes?

It felt like a troll was sitting on her chest.

Why couldn't she just find a guy who didn't want her for her kingdom or didn't send her so many mixed signals it made her feel like her ears were bleeding? She clenched her head in her hands.

What was wrong with her?

She spent the rest of the night trying to figure that out.

**o000o**

Anna didn't barge into the library at midmorning. She didn't come at lunch. Or afternoon tea. Or dinner. The temperature dropped a bit lower in the library with every missed interruption.

Where was her sister?

**o000o**

_Things Which May be Wrong with Me  
_ _A List by Anna, Royal Princess of Arendelle  
_ _Page One of Eight_

_1.) I say a lot of things I shouldn't._

_2.) I break lots of stuff on accident._

_3.) Sometimes I talk about things no one else cares about for way too long, which is whatever, because I listen to other people's dumb stuff too._

_4.) Is counting birds as friends a problem? If it is, then count it. If not, ignore it._

_5.) Chocolate?_

**o000o**

Lamps burned on her desk, but there was no fire in the fireplace. The heat from the summer's day clung to air and Elsa felt like she was suffocating. It wasn't because she was warm, because she never was that, but because she was stifled. She hulled herself up in the library the entire day, hardly taking a break to eat or drink. There was so much work to do. She would never finish it even if she worked straight through the night. Her eyes blurred and her mind fogged at the thought even as her heart raced at the idea of falling behind. If she was insufficient as queen, who would rise up in her stead? Anna?

The temperature in the room plummeted. The candles flickered. No. She would work until her work was done.

_So tired. So, so tired._

Where was her sister?

Muscle spasm in her neck accompanied a frost outlined sigh and she set down her pen. Now was not the time to worry about Anna. She had other matters that needed her attention. Anna would find her when she was ready. She always did.

The library door clicked open. Elsa whipped her head around to see who it was, heart leaping, but crashed when a stubby little snowball tottered in instead of Anna.

"Hello there Elsa." Olaf waved his twiggy arm as he approached. "I'm just here to check in, just here to check in. I tried to stop by your room, but the door was stuck. You should have someone look into that." He came up to the desk, carrot nose barely peeping above the edge. "Ooooo. Whatcha doin'?"

Elsa snatched at a few of the dozen of papers sprawled over the surface of her desk before stopping herself. Was she really worried about a snowman seeing the week's expense report? She needed sleep.

 _Let it go._ She coached herself and replaced the papers outside of Olaf's flurry with careful reserve.

"Just getting a little work done."

"Ooooh. Of course, of course, well I will just be on my way then." He wobbled back from whence he came. "Don't forget to have someone check your door!"

Elsa should have let him go. Instead she stopped him with a question.

"Olaf." This was for her peace of mind so she could work, for the sake of the missives she had yet to read. It wasn't personal. "Do you know where Anna is?"

The snowman turned, arms spread out to his sides, eyes wide, mouth open: "Yeah. Why?"

It was about thirty seconds before she wished she had never asked.

**o000o**

_29.) I eat too fast._

_30.) My nose sticks up kind of weird._

_31.) I never pay attention during French._

_32.) I tear my dresses a lot._

_33.) Elsa doesn't trust me._

_34.) Maybe she shouldn't (Does this count as a thing?)._

**o000o**

He knocked early the next morning. Sven was already harnessed to the sleigh, the wagon mount stored safely in Hilde's barn, and it was time to go.

"Come in." Anna's voice was muffled through the door.

He pushed open the door, but stayed in the hall.

"You ready?"

She was. She sat on the edge of the neatly made bed, fully dressed, hair brushed and braided, and looking like she hadn't slept a minute. A knife twisted in his gut at her gaunt appearance. He looked at his feet, unable to face her.

"I'm ready." She stood, pack in hand, but hesitated to walk forward. "Hey – you – I just wanted to say I'm sorry for last night, you know, if I made things weird. I didn't mean to. I just – sorry. Okay? Sorry."

He was sorry, too. He wanted to tell her so. He wanted to kiss her, to hold her so tightly she couldn't breathe and never let her go. Instead he looked down the hall at the stairs and swallowed.

"It's fine." It wasn't. "Let's go." They did.

He let her walk in front of him and did a poor job at not watching her hips the entire way to the sled.

**o000o**

_48.) I don't know how to cook._

_49.) I have too many freckles._

_50.) Mama used to say I can be selfish._

_51.) I "never look before I leap". Whatever that means._

**o000o**

A small team of guardsmen rode alongside Elsa's sleigh as they charged up the mountains. They set course in the direction the stable hands told them Kristoff had said he was going. The stable hands also confirmed that Anna had been with him. Kristoff and Anna had two day's head start on their side, but they didn't have magic.

Elsa's bare hands threw packed snow underneath the tracks of the sleigh as they flew into the night and she was _furious_. It was the first time she ever remembered allowing herself to be furious, but emotional milestones weren't her concern right now. Her concern was her reckless younger sister.

This whole predicament was so avoidable

If only Anna had the common sense to realize that going off with a man into the wild for days on end unchaperoned and without notice was the epitome of stupid, selfish, irresponsible, juvenile, ridiculous, uncivilized, _dangerous_ …! If only Anna thought before she acted, just once, she would have seen that these circumstances were foolish at best. Young women, princesses especially, did not go gallivanting through the woods with young men, especially icemen. There were rules. There were ways you were expected to behave. Anna knew better. Or did she?

There was so much Elsa still didn't know about her sister.

The only thing Elsa knew for sure was that, somewhere, her parents were rolling in their watery graves.

**o000o**

_76.) I spend too much time on the roof._

_77.) I take things that I shouldn't just to see if anyone ever notices. No one ever does, or at least they never say anything._

_78.) I don't trust clocks._

_79.) I am bad at lists._

_80.) My eyes are kind of buggy._

_81.) Sometimes I talk just to see if anyone is listening._

**o000o**

Compared to the last two days of travel, Lake Limingen was not far from Hilde's lodging house where they had spent the night. Without the wagon mount, the sleigh cut atop the snow quick and light. The sun was halfway up the sky when they came up on Kristoff's favorite harvest spot. The shortened trip was good because Anna kept trying to make nervous conversation and it just wasn't working and she just ended up rambling.

It was all:

"So you have a last name? That makes sense since you don't have a title. I mean – it is _fine_ that you don't have a title. Sometimes I wished that _I_ didn't have a title and just had a plain, boring old last name like you. Oh – I am so sorry – I'm sorry. I mean your last name isn't boring at all. Bjorgman. Bjorgman, Bjorgman, Bjorgman. It just rolls off the tongue. How could such a roll-y name be boring?"

And:

"There are so many trees in this forest. I mean, it is a forest after all. If I could have a job, other than being a princess of course, I think it would have something to do with trees. I just love them. I love sitting under them and hanging swings on them and climbing them. I mean – is there anything better than a tree?"

And:

"If you were a bird, what kind would you be? I'd be a duck because then maybe I'd be able to swim, or at least float. Did you know a group of crows is called a 'murder'?"

He'd tried to keep up his end of the conversation, but everything fell flat. There were only so many things he could say about trees and crows and his last name, especially since the words he really wanted to say clung to the back of his throat, weighed heavy on his tongue. He just didn't know where to start and she was doing a great job of making sure he never had a spare second to think about where to begin. That was why he wasted no time hopping out of the rig when they finally made it. In less than two minutes he had unhitched Sven and had his pack of tools in his hands.

Anna jumped into the deep powder.

"So what do I get to do? I could help you with the harvest you know, swing the axe or saw the saw or whatever." She trudged alongside him as he went towards the bank.

"You can't help me with the harvest." And not just because he needed some peace and quiet to clear his mind, but because the idea of her out on the ice and all of the worst case scenarios that held made his stomach turn.

"Aw come on. I may be a natural born ice harvester. This may be my calling!"

She grabbed his sleeve in her enthusiasm, to stop him, to make him listen, and he froze in his tracks. This was the first time they had touched since last night and his eyes went to where her mitten clutched his arm. She followed his gaze and realized the gravity of her action for once. _No touching. Distance. Keep her safe._ Fragments instead of thoughts as he tugged his arm away and she stepped back.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to – sorry." She looked at her feet, apologizing for transgressions she didn't understand.

"Stay off the lake." Gruff words to cover what he needed to tell her, what he felt. "There may be thin ice from other harvesters and I don't have time to teach you to watch your step."

With that, Kristoff was off to think and Anna watched him go.

**o000o**

_99.) I trust too easily._

_100.) I'm not very princess-y._

_101.) I lack tact._

_102.) I always take the biggest piece of cake._

_103.) Sometimes I lie about dumb stuff._

_104.) I am awful at geometry._

_105.) I cannot swim._

**o000o**

There were not many options for keeping oneself warm and busy while waiting for an ice harvester to ply his trade. Especially when said ice harvester forbade you to do the most obvious thing you might have done to entertain yourself and you did not speak reindeer. So Anna read her books again, and dug the snow out of a stone fire pit left behind by other harvesters. She drew pictures in the fresh powder with a stick and tried to count Sven's teeth, but all she really wanted to do was go out onto the lake with Kristoff and tell him to stop keeping her so damn safe.

What did that even mean anyway? Trying to keep her safe. From what? From him? That was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. He made her so crazy, but she didn't want to make him angrier than he already seemed to be, so she would stay on the shore. That didn't mean she didn't want to see what he was doing.

Kristoff was far enough out onto the ice that it was difficult to watch him. She needed a better vantage point. That was why she picked a tree right on the bank. She hoisted herself up on a low hanging branch, snow fell into her face, and she shook it off. She wasn't as used to climbing trees as she was used to climbing all over the castle, but it didn't feel too different. Higher and higher she ascended, shimmying up the icy bark until the branches thinned and she tried to find a comfortable place to watch Kristoff work.

It happened quickly. Too quickly, perhaps. One second she was reaching and the next she was falling, crashing through the branches that had supported her moments before. It took her a moment to understand what was happened, to register what she felt. The first thing she realized, before the pain, or the cold, was that there was no air anymore. The world had turned to liquid. She flailed, struggling against her skirts and wraps as they pulled her down like a lead weights, and trying to make it back up to the broken light above her. Then it hit her – cold so complete she felt like she was turning back into ice. Her muscles revolted, shock making it near impossible to keep moving, but somehow she managed to pull her head above the surface for one brief second.

She barely had time to gasp a breath before she was pulled back into the icy darkness.

**o000o**

_165.) Most days, I oversleep breakfast._

_166.) I always forget my seven multiples._

_167.) One time I ate a beetle._

Then at the bottom in big, bold letters.

_**168\. ) I AM ELSA'S SPARE.** _

**o000o**

She sunk.

Down.

Down.

Down.

….

**o000o**

_Anna burned the list in the fireplace._


	5. Chapter 5

His mind was never clearer than when he was a few thousand feet up with his saw cutting a path through the ice. Something about the biting cold, the burning muscles, and the isolation made him feel full of infinite possibility. He was able to push everything else to the side and work. For the first time in two weeks, he felt normal. He felt like Kristoff, and maybe that wasn't much, but it was all he needed. For a few precious minutes Anna was out of his mind and he could focus at the task at hand.

He'd carved a dozen large cubes out of the swath he'd hewn from the thick ice and was about to lug them to his sleigh when he heard it. In the quiet, the snap rang out like the crack of a snare. His head whipped in the direction of the sound. A tree fifty feet away shook though there was no wind, and then there was a flash of pink, of red, and something was falling. Snow, a branch, and Anna all smashed into the surface of the lake, but the ice didn't catch them. It gave way and swallowed them in a terrific crash. _Watering hole_ – was the only thought that rang through his mind, unable to believe what he just saw. It was as silent as it had been before, like nothing had happened and Kristoff wished nothing had. Surely he hadn't just seen –

Then a mitten, the crown of a head, glassy eyes and gaping mouth splashed above the surface before disappearing again and Kristoff could not move quickly enough. Pickax in hand, he sprinted over the ice. Only one thought screamed in his mind:

_ANNA!_

But he couldn't say it. He couldn't make a sound. Panic ripped his voice out of his throat.

Ten feet away and he dove. He'd worked on ice long enough never to trust it, especially if it couldn't break the fall of a tiny girl. It creaked beneath him as he stretched his pickax out over the hole in hopes she would grab it, but seconds ticked by and she didn't surface. His mind raced. Why did he ever let her come with him? He _knew_ something like this would happen.

 _You cannot keep her safe._ An accusation. A prophecy.

 _I can! I will!_ A declaration. A dedication.

He wriggled closer to opening, ignoring the protests of the ice, and plunged his pick axe down into the water. His arm went into the water up to his elbow. It was so cold every muscle in his forearm cramped instantly. He fished for her, inching his arm in a bit further every second until he was up to his shoulder and he felt the ice threatening to give out under him. Still nothing and _come on Anna…!_

He only pulled his arm out long enough to throw his pickax onto the bank before he filled his lungs with air and took the plunge.

**o000o**

By the time they made it to the second campsite, Elsa's fury had lessened only because of her exhaustion. How long had it been since she had slept?

"It is almost night, your majesty." The captain of the guards spoke. She couldn't remember his name. She'd spent too much time hidden away. There were so many names she didn't know. "How does your highness wish to proceed?"

They'd brought supplies to set up a camp and rest since there was no way to know how far they would have to travel to find Anna, but Elsa could not rest. There was no time. Every moment the waited was another moment Elsa had to find an excuse for her sister's behavior.

"We will take ten minutes to rest and feed the horses, but after that we continue until we find the princess."

**o000o**

It was ten billion icicles stabbing him. Cold, dark water burned his eyes and stole his strength, but he swam down. He had to find her. He had to. The further down he went, the more difficult it grew to see, to move, to think, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't.

Then there she was, a blur of floating hair and fabric in the water, frighteningly still even as she drifted down in the water. For one instant he was back on the fjord, running until it felt like his lungs would explode, and watching Anna freeze to solid ice. The memory sent a shock of adrenaline through his system. This time the ending would be different. This time he would save her. He had to.

He looped an arm around her waist and started upward. She was dead weight in his arms. She was limp and helpless and heavy but he couldn't make any of those words stick to her in his mind. Anna was none of those things. She was bright and headstrong and so tiny he was afraid of breaking her. She was warm and effervescent and – _oh gods_ – every part of his body burned. His lungs screamed. The cracked surface felt unreachable, but that wasn't an option. There was still so much he wanted to tell her, needed to tell her, that this could not be it

He would never give up, but he didn't see how this ended well.

Darkness seeped in the corners of his vision. The world started to fade. He was two seconds away from unconsciousness when he broke through the surface and sucked in a mouth of half water, half air. His swimming arm slammed up onto the ice edge to try to hold on, but it snapped under their weight and they sunk below again. Kristoff tried to kick his way back to the top, to grab onto the edge of the hole, but he found no purchase. His body spasmed, fighting to breathe, to force the water out of his lungs, and his frantic movements caused Anna to slip. His heart slammed in his chest. He swallowed more water than he expelled. The ice kept breaking where he grabbed. His muscles threatened to shut down from cold and exhaustion. Anna slipped that much more and then -

Then his hand caught onto _something_ that didn't break and Kristoff pulled up with all the strength he had left.

They moved, and it had very little to do with Kristoff, cracking a path through paper thin ice until they rested on the snowy bank. Kristoff sputtered and gasped, exhausted, one arm still clamped Anna to his side, the other gripped the end of a long branch. Sven held the other end in his mouth but Kristoff didn't have time to thank his friend for his rescue, because Anna wasn't breathing.

**o000o**

"Your Majesty, my men and their horses are fatigued. They need rest before they can carry on this mission." It was the captain again. _What_ was his name?

There were reasons why they shouldn't stop, but her head was so heavy and the night was so dark that she had trouble remembering them. The magic under her skin flagged and sputtered. What could a few hours of rest hurt? Anna wasn't going to be in any less trouble than she already was. _If they found her_ \- the thought made her shiver.

"Fine. We'll camp here to rest for a bit, then we'll be on our way."

Elsa fell asleep in the sleigh before the camp was even made.

**o000o**

She looked more like the half frozen girl Kristoff had carried from the Valley of the Living Rock to a snow-covered Arendelle than the vibrant girl he knew she was. Her lips were blue, eyes closed, and _oh gods_ she wasn't breathing.

Kristoff was half numb and frantic. He scrambled to sit up over her, laying her flat on her back on the snow. This wasn't the first time he'd seen someone pulled from a lake looking still like death, but this was the first time it felt like he was dying too. He pounded his fist on her chest, once, twice, like he'd seen others do until water bubbled up out of her lips and she coughed so hard he thought she may break in two. Her body shuddered, she turned her head to the side, and water gushed out of her gaping mouth.

"Kristoff?" she looked up at him and he'd never been so glad to hear his name before.

A delirious laugh tore from his chest. She was alive. He was alive. They shouldn't be, but they were.

She struggled to sit up, body weak, and his hand hovered close to her shoulder to help, but held back. She hissed when she put weight on her right arm.

"Ow." Pain punctuated by chattering teeth.

"Are you hurt?" He wanted to touch her, to pull her up against his chest and memorize the pattern of her re-found breathing, but didn't dare when she clutched her upper arm.

"I think –" Full body shudder. "I think my arm is broken."

Her face was drawn and pale, lips more purple than pink, and it was only when he noticed her trembling that he realized he was trembling as well. She looked like she might cry. Be it from shock, relief, pain, fear, or sadness, Kristoff did not know. He did know that the idea of her crying made his insides hurt. He wanted to lift a hand and push the dripping strands of hair off of her forehead. He wanted to hold her until he soaked all of her pain into himself and there was nothing left for her to carry. He wanted… no.

Instead: "Anna…"

He could dive into a frozen lake to save her, risking life and limb, but couldn't string together the words he needed to say. All show and no tell. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe, but probably not.

"I'm so s-so s-s-sorry." She said and the dam broke. Tears streamed down her ashy cheeks and Kristoff's heart clenched.

 _She_ was sorry? No. _He_ was sorry. Oh gods was he sorry. He never should have let her come with him. He should have been strong enough to say no. He should have been brave enough to tell her everything he needed her to hear. He was sorry his selfishness had almost killed her. This was his fault. He had to fix it.

They needed to move. Sitting on the snowy bank soaking wet was as sure of a death as if they'd stayed trapped in the water. They needed to find shelter and get warm. Kristoff weighed his options.

"Hey – hey now – there is nothing to apologize for. I'm fine." He held up mittened hands. "But we need to go – now – or we're not going to be fine for much longer."

It was two hours downhill to Hilde's, but it was their best bet. Arendelle was impossibly far and the Valley of the Living Rocks was a day at least. There weren't a lot of options when it came to the wilderness.

He moved to stand, legs wobbling beneath him, but he managed to help her up as well.

"Sven," His friend was already next to him. "Go to the sleigh, grab our packs, and meet us back here."

The reindeer was off like a shot.

"Why is he bringing us our packs?" Anna still cried strange quiet tears, shock tearing her body apart, and Kristoff looked off after Sven so he didn't have to witness them.

"We'll travel faster without the sleigh."

"But – you can't just leave it here. What if something happens to it?"

"A sleigh's not much good to you when you're dead, and if we don't get warmed up s-soon, that is exactly what we'll be."

Sven returned and Kristoff took the packs and slung them across his back. He grabbed Anna by the waist, only too aware of how his fingers nearly touched on either side.

"Sorry if this hurts." He said and lifted her onto Sven's back, mindful of her arm. He didn't look to see if she grimaced or not.

Then with practiced ease, Kristoff swung himself up behind her. The warmth radiating from the reindeer's back prickled and only served to remind him of just how cold he was.

"Sit close to me." Kristoff wrapped one arm around her and pulled her up against his body, her shoulder awkwardly curled into his sternum. "We have to try to keep each other warm."

"You think this is cold? Try turning into s-solid ice." She was trying to be funny, to lighten the mood, but between her tears and shivering the joke fell flat. He forced a dim smile.

"I think I'll leave the solid ice thing up to you, feisty pants." Kristoff grabbed the reins in his free hand. "All right, Sven. Let's fly!"

Sven ran the whole way.

**o000o**

"I apologize, good sir, but her majesty Queen Elsa is out on royal business." Kai told the stranger standing on the palace doorstop. "But if you would surrender the missive, I will make sure she receives it."

The stranger, tall, broad, and dressed in fine tailored clothes, shook his head. "You are too kind. I am afraid that I must deliver it in person, but I thank you for your generous offer."

"Of course, sir."

"Do you have a date when I could expect Queen Elsa's return?"

"I'm afraid not, sir."

"Very well then," the way the stranger spoke made Kai believe that it wasn't very well at all. "Then perhaps you can direct me to an inn where I may await Her Highness' return."

Kai gave him directions. "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"No, thank you, unless you would you be as so kind as to tell Her Majesty that I am waiting for her when she returns?"

"And whom may I say is waiting?"

The stranger bared his teeth, a facsimile of a smile. "Tell her it is an old friend."

As the stranger retreated across the courtyard and out the now perpetually open gates, Kai yearned for the simplicity of closed doors.

**o000o**

Anna clung to her arm.

Kristoff clung to Anna.

Both were so, so cold.

**o000o**

Elsa felt like she'd been drugged. Each thought, each motion felt sticky and slow. She'd been dreaming. Was she dreaming still? How long had she been asleep?

She took a moment to assess her surroundings. She was still in the sleigh. The few men that accompanied stood watch around her. The sun was low in the sky, and it took her a few moments to realize that it was on the wrong side of the sky.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"No longer than expected, my queen." It was the captain again. What was his name? She really should know his name.

How long had she been asleep?

"Are the men and horses ready to continue?" Her head felt thick and heavy.

"Yes, your majesty."

She looked at the sky again. The sun couldn't be that low in the west. It was nearly nightfall. That meant she'd slept the entire day away. She couldn't do that. It didn't matter how long it had been since she'd rested. She was queen now and she had a kingdom to run, a sister to find – frost crackled across the wood beneath her feet. She couldn't be disappointing now.

"Then we leave now." She straightened her shoulders, trying to push the fog from her mind. "We must find Princess Anna."

**o000o**

Unlike the rowdiness of last night, the inn was quiet in the midafternoon. Hilde was stirring something in a large pot over the large community fire when Kristoff barged in with Anna in his arms and little patience.

"She fell in. We need a room, a fire, extra blankets, and spiced wine. Now!" His teeth chattered so badly it was a miracle he was able to speak.

Hilde leapt at Kristoff's commands. In a matter of minutes, they had everything he'd asked for and were in room with a roaring fire. Hilde had mentioned something about seeing Sven up to the barn before leaving the iceman and the princess.

Alone.

Kristoff stood as far away from Anna as possible while still enjoying in the warmth from the fire. Here in this quiet sanctuary, the urgency of the last few hours faded, but the memory of the weight of her in his arms, the feel of the curve of his body while he carried her, lingered and left him wanting. Concepts that tortured him like title and age seemed so distant now after what happened, but he knew they weren't any smaller. Or were they never so large in the first place?

He couldn't be sure.

There was a way the world worked. Water froze to ice, ice melted to water, a wind from the north-east meant a storm, and princesses marry princes. He'd been taught these things since he was a child. He thought them to be solid and steadfast truths. Then he met Anna and rules had no hold on her or anything around her. When Anna was near, summers turned to winters and icemen slept in palaces. Nothing held so fast to Anna as chaos did. It followed her just as close as her sweet scent.

Kristoff pulled off his ice encrusted mittens. His fingertips were almost purple. Staying in these sodden clothes, even by the heat of the fire, would be foolish. They may be out of the cold, but they were far from the out of the woods as far as frostbite and hypothermia were concerned. They needed to change, but then there were thoughts of Anna undressed and he felt heat for all of the wrong reasons.

This wasn't how the world was supposed to work.

He bent and flexed his fingers and rocked onto his toes. There was no easy way to do this and they weren't getting any warmer. He took a breath, steeled himself against any awkwardness he felt, and tried valiantly to remember the rules of the world even as they bent around him.

" _We need to get out of these wet clothes or else we will never warm up_." He said it in a gust like if he paused he wouldn't get it all out, and he probably wouldn't have.

The fire crackled. Had she not heard him?

He shot a glance over his nose at her to see if she was looking at him. She wasn't. She stared into the fire in unnerving silence. Her hair, braids long gone, was crusted with ice and drip, drip, dripped on the floor. The folds of her dress were frozen in place. Her chattering lips were blue. She still gripped her arm tightly to her side. At least she wasn't crying anymore.

"Anna?"

She startled at the sound of her name and looked at him.

"Huh? Sorry. I was just – uh – thinking. Yeah. You know. Thoughts."

She half smiled and wobbled her head a bit. He swallowed. He had to say it again and this time she was _staring_ with those eyes that were too wide and too curious and -

" _We need to get out of these clothes or we will never warm up_." Faster this time, if that was even possible, and then at the end: "How's your arm?"

She looked down to where her gloved hand was presumably frozen to the sleeve of her dress.

"Broken. I've broken like ten different bones in my body – my arms at least twice – so I kind of know what to expect." She shrugged which was followed immediately by a wince.

"You've broken your what how many times?" Kristoff asked before he could stop himself. She was a princess, not a wild caribou wrangler.

"It doesn't matter." She looked back at the fire and sighed. "Elsa is going to kill me. She's never broken anything, ever. Not a bone, not a vase, not a rule – nothing. It's like, how are you even human?" A choked laugh, not bitter, but pinched. "Maybe she isn't. Human, I mean. That would explain the whole ice magic thing."

Kristoff has no idea what to do with any of this. He had enough to sort through without trying to navigate the minefield that was the sisters' relationship. She said it didn't matter, so maybe it didn't. What did matter was getting warm, and suddenly it was less awkward to talk about that then it was to try to fix the years of damage between Anna and her sister.

"Look – I'm going to change into some dry clothes, so – you should too." His teeth chattered.

"Kind of have a broken arm here. We just talked about it, remember? Not really sure how you expect me to get out of this dress with only one hand." She looked at him, a confusing mix of intelligence and innocence, and his throat went dry.

He needed that spiced wine. Now.

"I could – uh" No turning back after this. "I could – help." His voice cracked and he coughed. "Yeah. I could help."

She looked at him again, and most girls would have protested, clutched at their dignity and feminine virtue, but Anna was not most girls.

Instead: "You mean it?"

He did, but was pretty far from admitting what _that_ meant.

"Because you kind of seemed against the whole touching me thing, except for when you weren't, which I am still trying to figure out." She cocked her head. "You don't make a whole lot of sense."

He could say the same thing about her, but that wouldn't be true. She was unpredictable, but she was never unclear about where her affections lay. The fact that he could not reconcile them in his own mind was no fault of hers.

He switched the subject.

"Did you bring a change of clothes?"

"No."

That answer was too concise. It took him several moments to resolve it in his mind.

'No' meant 'no change of clothes' which meant when she was finally out of what she was wearing that she would have nothing else to put on and then she would be – _holy shit._ He knew Anna _could_ be naked. He knew she _had_ been naked throughout her life. He'd even imagined her naked more than he was comfortable admitting at the moment, but the idea of her being here, in this room, alone with him and completely exposed was mind numbing.

"You told me there wasn't much extra room in the sleigh, and my skirts are all so big – I mean like _huge_ – so I just figured I'd rough it. You know?"

He _had_ said something to the effect a lifetime ago before she'd broken her arm and nearly drowned, before she was seventeen, before….

"And it's not like I _planned_ to fall into a lake. That just kind of came out of nowhere."

He nodded.

"Right." Except it was not even close to right. It was wrong, wrong, wrong. Undressing the emotionally compromised, injured, _young_ princess when she had no other option for clothing was so wrong he could not even –

"Do you have anything you wanna share?" She asked and he drew a blank.

Share.

Share?

Oh!

Share!

Share, as in clothes. Nothing else. Nothing like secrets or feelings or bodily fluids – _get it together, Kristoff._

"Uh – let me check."

He didn't know why he said that. He didn't need to check. He only owned two sets of clothes. One was for wearing and one for his pack, and it had always worked out pretty well for him. Then again, he used to not make habit of saving ill-equipped princesses from frozen lakes. In the future he would have to be better prepared.

Wait – the future? With Anna and ice and everything? He wasn't ready for that thought.

He went to his pack on the bed and dumped it out. Hard tack, flint, hunting knife, a few carrots, and his one change of clothes tumbled onto the quilt. He had a rough wool tunic, a pair of trousers, and felted socks – hardly enough to make a decent outfit for two people, but maybe enough to make sure everything vital was covered. At least kind of. Maybe with some blankets…?

"You could wear – uh - I could – uh – I have a shirt we could – I mean I could – you could – " He coughed. "Here." He picked the scratchy gray fabric and extended it in her direction without daring look at her. "You can wear this."

Soft clicks of boots on creaky wood and the shirt pulled from his grip. Heat grew up his neck just at the idea of her looking at it.

"What will you wear?" She asked, no doubt noticing the sparse selection on the bed.

"Pants." He answered hoarsely.

"Oh, okay." He heard her shift. "So how are we going to do this?"

Damned if he knew, but it wasn't going to do itself. He turned to her. She was a few feet away, shirt gripped in her bare hand, and thawing all over the floor. Her bangs stuck out at weird angles, careful braids were long gone, her skin was chalk white so every freckle stood out in awkward dark splotches, and she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"Here – uh – we can just put this – uh- here. Yeah. Over here." He stepped and took the shirt out of her hand to replace it on the bed. "Just till you –" _are naked_ – hard swallow. "Need it."

"Good idea." Her empty hand went back to clutch her arm.

He stared. She shifted feet.

"There are hooks on my back, well not on _my_ back, but on the dress – on my back – on the back of the dress." She turned to show him and talked back over her shoulder. "If you could help me get those – that would be great."

It was clear that he and Anna had different definitions of the word 'great'.

**o000o**

The sun swung low, sinking below the trees, setting the world on fire.

Elsa felt the weight of failure heavy on her shoulders.

How long had she been asleep?

**o000o**

With a deep breath, he stepped close and reached for the high neck of her bodice. Kristoff's hand shook as he stumbled over each tiny hook. He told himself it was that he was still so cold and not because each one he unlatched exposed taunting pale skin. He hurried, trying to keep work rough hands from brushing her back, and it was a mix of relief and remorse when he revealed ornate lace at the top of her chemise and the sturdy draws of her corset. He made it past the nip of her waist all the way to the bloom of her hips before he stopped.

"There." He exhaled and realized he'd been holding his breath. "That should be enough."

"Thanks." She didn't move for a second, but then faced him and scrunched her nose. "Actually, could you pull my sleeves down? I can't really because my arm is all – oh you know."

She extended her left arm and this was really happening. He was undressing Anna, but not in any context he'd ever imagined.

He hooked his hands onto the fabric at the bottom of her sleeve. His fingers looked too big next to her delicate wrist. He tugged, she pulled, and the fabric moved inch by inch till her good arm was free. The front of her bodice drooped like an uncomfortable sash across her torso. He did his best not to notice what lay beneath.

She reached up and pushed the other side of her dress off the shoulder of her bad arm and sucked in a hissing breath.

"Ow." She squeaked. "Ow, ow, ow…" She pulled the dress back up in place with a grimace.

"You okay?" He reached out to touch, but stopped and dropped his arm. If he touched her now he may never stop.

"Maybe if you tug on it from the bottom – it would work better?" She didn't sound convinced, and neither was he. The dress was too heavy and pulled on her break. If he put tension on the area from a different angle, he didn't think the result would differ.

He had another idea.

"Hold on." He went back to the bed and pulled his hunting knife out of its sheath. "Do you trust me?" He looked at her and saw her wide eyes on the blade.

"Yeah. Of course." She nodded and he clenched the handle of the blade a bit tighter.

 _Yeah. Of course._ Like he hadn't given her ten thousand reasons in the last few days to do anything but trust him. Guilt twisted in his stomach, but there is no time for that. He had a dress to cut off.

He moved behind her. More tentatively than he'd ever done anything before, he gripped the edge of her collar in one hand and angled the blade off of her skin as much as possible. He'd torn enough flesh with this knife to know the damage it could do.

"I'll try to do this quick – just – don't move, okay?"

"Okay." She spoke like talking counted as moving.

Deep breath and the blade tore through the shoulder of the dress with relentless singularity of purpose. He did his best to keep her dress up with his free hand while he cut his way down. That was partially to help keep the stress off of her injury. Mostly because it gave him something to think about other than skin, pale and freckled, appearing as he sliced before it gave way to the sleeve of her chemise, and then to more creamy skin. He took extra care when he passed through the fabric over her break, and it was only a matter of seconds before the sleeve of her gown was completely ruined.

"Let's see how that does." He lowered the knife and dropped his hold on the dress.

The bodice fell. The momentum and weight of it pulled down her skirts, and then she was all white chemise and corset and underskirts and Kristoff's mind flooded with selfish thoughts.

She was close. Her back was only inches in front of his chest. He could see every shiver run through her body, count every shallow breath she took, notice the large bruise blooming under the skin of her arm. He focused on that bruise, already dark and ugly, and Anna wasn't kidding. He'd seen enough breaks to know that you didn't get bruises like this unless you did some real damage. He ghosted his fingers over the mottled skin before he could stop himself and her head jerked to look where he touched.

"Does it hurt?"

Her thin fingers curled around the injury, hiding it from prying eyes, cradling it to her side.

"It's not too bad." She said, but he caught the grimace on her shivering profile.

Kristoff knelt to where her dress lay at their feet and grabbed the garment's ruined sleeve. Two swift jerks of his knife and the sleeve turned strips of fabric in his hands.

"What are you doing?" Her broad underskirts whispered against his arm.

"We need to brace it until we can get you to a doctor." He dropped his knife and stood. "Move your hand."

She did and he looped the fabric around the bruising area.

"Tell me if this is too tight." He pulled and knotted the strips in place, and her only complaint was a sharp inhale through her nose.

She really was tougher than he gave her credit for.

"There. That should help till we can get you to someone who knows what they're doing." His mind drifted to thoughts of trolls and crystals, but considering the fall out of their last visit that may not be his best idea.

"You seem to know what you're doing." She touched her bandages and then looked up at him. "Guess you kind of need to know things like this when you live on a mountain doing dangerous stuff all of the time."

However true her statement was, nothing he'd ever come across on those rocky crags felt as dangerous as standing alone in this room with a half-dressed Anna staring into his eyes and _trusting_ him. The line of control he walked was thin indeed.

"Yeah. Well. You pick up things as you go." He took a step back, another, looking for air to breathe. He glanced at the bed where his spare clothes lay. "You good though? We got your dress off so can you do the rest?"

He hoped she didn't. He hoped she did.

"Uh – actually – I think I might need you to loosen up my corset." She said and he was in hell. "Or you could just unhook it. It has these hooks on the front that are pretty great. When I don't feel like having Gerda help me dress I can just hook myself in and out no problem. Well, I could. Now…" she looked at the bandages on her arm and he had to be dreaming. That was the only explanation for this. There was no way this was actually happening.

"You want me to unlace your corset." He's two second from running out the door into the sane reality that he knew existed outside and never looking back.

"Yeah, or unhook it." She gestured a seam running down the center of her bust area and nope – he wasn't unhooking anything. "It's whatever. Could you?"

Shit.

**o000o**

The path forked. The way not as clear as it had been a moment ago.

"Which way do we go?" Elsa asked. "Where do we go from here?"

"We send some scouts and ahead and we wait." It was the captain. _What was his name?_

"But we can't wait. We have to find my sister!"

"I'm sorry, your majesty, but it is the best we can do."

It wasn't good enough. She wasn't good enough.

It snowed in her sleigh, but nowhere else.

**o000o**

Kristoff took stock of the endless exes woven tight against her spine. He could count the amount of times he'd done this on two fingers and the times it had ever mattered to him with one. The draws felt inelegant in his broad grip, but the clamshell of her corset fell open a bit by bit regardless. Anna fidgeted and he hoped it was because she was as uncomfortable with this as he was. It was difficult to say since Anna main coping mechanism for the entire emotional spectrum seemed to be talking.

"It's pretty handy that you just kind of knew what to do with my arm and all. I mean, you ruined my dress, but that is okay. It was kind of ugly anyway. It was one my mom had designed for me, like – forever ago, which I guess could be sad or whatever, but I don't think she'd mind too much. She'd just design something else for me. If she were alive that is. Do you ever wonder if your parents are happy with you even though they aren't around? I do. I think Elsa does, too. My parents spent _a lot_ of time with Elsa in her room, and I guess I understand why now, but when I was younger it always felt so unfair. You know?" He grunted in response, pulling long strings, and intimately understanding how unfair the world could be. "How's it going back there?"

It was going great, especially considering they both still trembled like leafs in the wind and his reason for shaking had less and less to do with him being cold with each passing moment. Why had he ever opened his dumb mouth and suggest this? He should have just let them both die from hypothermia.

"Almost done." Just two more crosses to go.

"Oh – good." A quake ran down her back.

He pulled open the last cross and the garment fell to the ground with a damp thud.

"And – uh - Kristoff?" She asked but he didn't reply. He'd forgotten all of his words.

The fabric of her chemise was still soaked and stuck to the skin of her back with mocking opaqueness. He reached for the tangle of strings at her waist that kept up her underskirts.

"I'm so, so sorry for all this. I never would have – I mean – if I could go back I wouldn't have climbed that tree."

The underskirts joined her dress and corset and there was so little left to the imagination now.

"I just wanted to watch you work and now I can't do anything and I ruined your harvesting trip and made you leave your sleigh behind and now I am taking your clothes and I understand why you are mad at me and I am so sorry. I'm so, so, so –"

She was freaking out. He put his hands on her shoulders to slow her down, to ground her, and her words came to a screeching halt. It was cold skin on colder skin but he felt himself warm at the contact. He tried to keep his gaze on the back of her head, but his eyes kept drifting to where his hands rested – and lower. She was so small and soft and why was he touching her again? Oh. Right. To calm her down, but considering she still shook like she was caught in a hurricane, he wasn't sure it was working.

"Hey. Don't worry about me." A familiar reassurance in an unfamiliar situation. "Worry about getting warmed up."

His thumbs brushed the top of shoulder blades, unfamiliar territory, and he could practically feel her heart beat jump. He needed to stop.

He looked up at the ceiling and dropped his hands. They still had things to do and none of them involved him taking advantage of so much skin he could cry. He stepped to the bed and grabbed his shirt.

"You should be able to…" _take it from here._ Was what he was going to say, but the words fell away when he turned to hand it to Anna and was confronted with a sight he would burned on his memory until his grave.

There she was, Anna, the sum total of all of his fantasies for the past two weeks, in only a soaked-through chemise. A dark bruise spread across her sternum where he'd forced the water out of her lungs. His hunting knife was in her good hand and she attempted to hack through the sleeve on her bad arm. She severed the thin fabric before he had a chance to stop her. The front of her chemise peeled down until her exposure level was somewhere between shocking and scandalous and _– oh gods –_ his pants were tight.

She looked at him, held the knife out in victory, and smiled.

"I guess I'm not totally worthless after all."

"Great." He stiff-armed the shirt in her direction and looked away. "Now will you please put this on before you kill someone with that thing?"

He can feel her hesitation at his tone. The gruffness in his voice was no fault of her own, at least not explicitly. She couldn't help that the only thing he could think about was stripping off what little remained of her clothing, but she wasn't helping matters much either.

The shirt yanked from his grip.

"Now – no peeking." She had that funny attempt at authority in her voice, like it would be a genuine surprise if anyone listened to her.

He turned around, but more for his sake than for hers. He scuffed the toe of his boots against the floorboards to cover up any rustling from behind him. There was the obvious danger of _seeing_ Anna naked, but there was a strange guilt lurking in the corners of his mind about _hearing_ her naked. It was difficult to wrap his mind around. Thankfully it wasn't long before her voice popped out in the glaring quiet.

"Okay – I'm dressed – or maybe I should say ' shirted' since, you know, I'm in your shirt."

 _His shirt_. His heart clenched.

He almost didn't dare turn, but then she would make a big deal about that, and he just wants things to be simple for once.

"About time." He grumbled, not looking at her right away. Instead he took in the heap of skirts and underclothes and boots – it was no wonder she had sunk so quickly in the lake. He looked at the bed where his pants and socks still lay and remembered that he was still cold to the bone and no closer to warming up. He looked at the two mugs of spiced wine that Hilde left by the fire and longed to drink his. Then, and only then, he looked at her.

She was barefoot.

That was the first thing that struck him. He'd never seen her bare feet before and now they were chilled to a dark pink that carried up several other parts he had never seen. It crept up over thin ankles that led to shapely calves and delicate knees. The barest hint of thighs peeked out before the hem of his shirt swallowed the rest of her.

Damn – she had legs.

Of course he always knew she had legs, but to see them was something so very different. Another thing that had never really escaped his mind was that Anna was an incredibly small person, but somehow when she was enveloped in his monstrous shirt, she became smaller. The way it fell over her body, dwarfing her, accompanied with the fact that it was _his_ shirt she wore drew out every protective instinct he had.

 _Mine!_ Something growled in his mind and it startled him.

No. Not his. Well – except for the shirt or – you know – _more_. Okay – so maybe his. Wait – what?

He was starting to think like Anna talked.

"I didn't really try to get my broken arm through the sleeve, so now it looks like I just have one arm." She swiveled her body so the empty sleeve flapped beside her. "Fun, right?

Also fun how the neck of his shirt was too wide and slipped off of one of her shoulders when she did that.

"Yeah. It's super." He grabbed a wool blanket off the stack that Hilde had left on the bed, came over, and wrapped it around her shoulders. It consumed her all the way down to her toes and it was supposed to make her less desirable, but it just made her goddamn adorable. "Why don't you go sit by the fire for a minute. Hilde left some spiced wine."

"Okay." She turned half way, but stopped. "Aren't you going to sit by the fire?"

"I – uh – still need to change." Unless he wanted shivering to be a permanent lifestyle.

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Sorry." She looked down at the floor, pulled the blanket tighter around her throat, and was she _blushing_? "I'll just be over there then." She padded over to the fire and ignored the chair to plop down on the floor as close to the flames are humanly possible.

He watched her for a moment to make sure she was settled before he began the process of removing his clothes. He started with his shirts, then his leg wraps, then boots and socks. He kept a sharp eye on the back of her head as he lowered his pants, not trusting her curiosity or perfectly imperfect timing to not get the better of her. By the time he'd pulled on the dry pair of pants and socks, he felt warmer already.

He wrapped a blanket around his bare shoulders, aware that Anna had probably never seen a man without his shirt on before joining her in front of the fire. He sat, cross legged, and when he looked over at her he saw she was already staring at him. The light from the fire gave color to her chilled skin, warming it back to life, and he could have watched it for days.

Then she lifted her good arm, and he saw the mug in her hand. "This stuff is good. It makes my mouth tingle."

"Yeah. Hilde makes the best spiced wine on the mountain." He took up his own mug.

"Doesn't seem like she has much competition." Anna gave him a sly smile over the rim of her mug and Kristoff felt the corners of his mouth twitch.

How long had it been since he smiled?

"No. I don't suppose she does." He took a swallow and looked into the fire.

They were close and still. All they had to do now was wait the slow hours for their clothes to dry. After the perpetual motion of the last few days, it was a nice change. For the first time in hours, their lives weren't in immediate danger. For the first time in days, they weren't fighting. It was like everything that had happened in the past forty eight hours melted away in the fall out of this afternoon. Even more immediate realities were all but erased. She wasn't a princess, he wasn't an iceman, and there weren't nearly eight years of life between them. For once, for just this one moment in time, Anna was just a girl and he was just a boy.

He wasn't sure how it happened, but something snapped between them. The barriers he'd erected were gone the moment he sat with her, smiled with her, drank with her. He didn't normally sit well. Then again, neither did Anna, but this was different. Kristoff felt a hum of energy run through the air around them.

She felt the difference, too, and he knew it because she slid closer and rested her head on his shoulder. Kristoff let her. He deserved something good, even if it was just this once. He was too tired to keep fighting this, fighting her. He was exhausted of this war where Anna was both his enemy and ally. Here, in this alternate reality where she wore his clothes and they drank spiced wine, the fight wasn't worth it anymore. So what if they only ended up hurting each other down the road? So what if she was too young and headstrong to understand why this could be a bad idea? Those problems didn't exist here by the fire. Just Anna, always Anna….

Kristoff was done with his drink before Anna's mug was half empty. He felt the warmth from it spread out through his body. Prickles of life sprung up through his nerves as the fire thawed his extremities and the wine added fire to his blood. Nothing made him feel quite so warm though as the weight of her damp head on his shoulder. If only every moment could be as simple as things were now: stripped and bare. Where there was no urge to run because there was nowhere to which to run. Where there was no need for propriety because no one was watching. Where nothing really counted because after the day they had, who could blame them for such breaks in decorum?

She set down her mug on the floor in front of them. The clank of the metal on the wood snapped him from whatever reverie he'd been in, but not nearly so much as the feel of her thin hand coming to rest on his thigh. The way she touched him was so easy, so familiar, and it took every ounce of strength he had left to not jump or flinch or scream like a girl because it frightened him. He swallowed hard and stared at that hand.

"You're not shivering anymore." Her voice was quiet, but she was right. He wasn't. When had that happened? "I thought you weren't, but I just wanted to be sure. I'm not shivering anymore either. See?" She lifted her hand a bit so he could see before setting it back down on his thigh.

They stayed like that for an eternity. Her head rested on his shoulder, her hand on his thigh, and each breath a prayer that if this were a dream that they'd never wake up. Then he felt her head shift off his shoulder and he looked over to see her gazing up at him. There was something bright and desperate burning in those eyes and it made his breath catch.

"I thought I was going to die in that water. I think I really did die, maybe for a second, but I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared at all – Kristoff?" She whispered, words hissing through tight lips. "Do you want to know why? Do you want to know why I wasn't scared to die?"

Kristoff did not even need a moment to consider he question, he knew the answer. No. No he did not want to know. He didn't want to think of how in just a few short weeks, he'd already seen her die in front of him twice. He didn't want to remember how she turned to ice, or how she looked when she wasn't breathing. He didn't want to feel what it was like to lose her again, not now, not ever.

He wanted her warm.

He wanted her close.

He wanted her alive.

He wanted _her._

So, without giving himself time to reason or think a way out of it, Kristoff leaned over and sealed his mouth over hers.

**o000o**

The Stranger found the inn without delay. The man at the palace gave him excellent directions. It was a small place, informal and nowhere close to his usual level of comfort, but it would do given the circumstances.

He shed his tailored jacket and placed it on the simple bed where he would sleep until his time came. Then he went to the window and looked out. There was the grand Arendelle harbor, one of the trade capitols of the known world. There were half a dozen ships in his sight and more hidden from his view, but his eyes fixed on the one that had brought him here. It was unmarked, inconspicuous, and _fast_. At the end of the day, that was all he needed. A smile crept onto the corners of his mouth.

"Yes." He said to the empty room. "This will do nicely."

**o000o**

It was like she'd waited for this kiss since their fireside embrace a lifetime ago. Maybe she had. Hell - he had. He'd even told her so. Now she made up for lost time.

She rose up on her knees and met his kiss full on. Heat, and not just from fire warmed skin, sprang into his system the moment their lips touched because she was _vicious_. There was no hesitation from her, no surprised gasp this time. She was all _wantwantwant_ and _taketaketake_ and he shared her sentiment.

Some distant part of him knew that it was trouble when she coaxed his tongue out of his mouth and he could taste the remnants of wine on her lips. Just like some part of him knew it was trouble when he carefully, oh so carefully, put a hand on her hip and shifted them so she was straddling his lap. Just like another part of him knew it was trouble when her exploring hand pushed at the blanket around his shoulders and it fell to the floor.

There were only inches and thin fabric between them. Kristoff knew just how easy it would be for that hand on her hip to slip around and _grab_. He knew that it would take next to no force to grind her down against him. He knew that the fingers tracing patterns on his back and shoulders would eventually demand more skin to map with delicate fingertips. He knew not because he had much experience in these matters, but because this was all just so easy with Anna.

It would be so easy to run a hand up over her thigh and navigate the bare curves he knew lay waiting beneath his shirt. It would be so easy to ruin soft skin with big greedy hands until she had more bruises to add to her collection. It would be so easy for this to be his _forever_ and oh gods he couldn't –

He twisted a hand in her hair and pulled back an inch because there was no breath left in him. The fire she set, sparks left in the wake of her fingernails against his back, ate all the air left in his lungs. Heartbeat like hooves pounded in his ears and she looked down at him. He'd be an idiot to think Anna was anything less than dangerous like this. She was rumpled and magnificent and fearless. She was reckless and frustrating and _perfect_ and it took him a moment to realize he was chanting her name like it could save him from this need, like it would tell her everything he needed her to know.

_"Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna…."_

He buried his face against the slender column of her neck and just _breathed_ because she was _perfect_.

_"Anna, Anna, Anna…"_

He loosed his hold on her hair to wrap his arm around her back just as she wove her fingers through his and they held each other. So close, so far, and there was so much he needed to say.

" _Anna_ …"

She hushed him with another kiss.

**o000o**

"There is an inn ahead, sir. It is possible someone there has seen the princess." The young scout reported to his captain, but Elsa heard it all.

"Then we go there." She said before the captain had a chance to give the order.

Anna was close. She could feel it in her bones.

**o000o**

They'd fallen asleep in a tangle of blankets in front of the fire. Kristoff had tried to pull away, something about it not being right for him to sleep next to her, but rules didn't stick to Anna. After all, she was already in his shirt and if they stayed by the magic glow of the fire instead of the bed it didn't really count and she felt _so cold_ when he wasn't pressed against her… it hadn't taken too much persuasion. They'd both fallen into the easiest sleep either of them had had since this journey began.

That was why Anna could not understand why in the earliest of the morning she was cold again. She shouldn't be cold. She was curled into Kristoff, weight on her good side, with her bad arm tucked firmly against her from the tension of the blanket that covered her. She was dry, only a few feet from a fire, and there was no way she should be cold, but she was.

Anna blinked her eyes open. The sun wasn't quite up yet, but the room wasn't dark. The hall door was open and light streamed in from lamps being held by shadowy figures in the corridor.

…and was that snow fluttering in through the air?

"Anna." Her sister's voice even colder than the air around her. "It is time to wake up."


	6. Chapter 6

_Papa shouted._

_Anna heard him through the library door and it scared her. Papa rarely shouted and she did not like it when he did. She especially did not like it when all she wanted to do was show him how long she could hold her breath. She was done with lessons for the day and for once Papa wasn't locked away in Elsa's room. Normally when this happened she would knock and request audience, but with the tone inside she didn't dare. So she waited outside the door for what felt like a long time, unable to make out enough words to piece together what was happening inside, and feeling fidgety at best. Mama always told her not to fidget, but she couldn't help it. Standing still was so much work._

_She was practicing curtsies to a particularly lovely vase when the double doors burst open. She shrunk into the shadow of the door and looked for a reason. Doors did not open around here, especially with any kind of force. Papa had to have a reason._

_The reason seemed to be a tall stranger with hair like Elsa's, eyes like Papa's, and guards clinging to his arms. Anna stared. It has been_ years _since the last time she'd seen a stranger._

" _You've ruined your welcome here, Dedrik. You know that." Papa used his angry voice, the one that came when she climbed the roof, but she couldn't see him from her hiding place._

" _And you know my banishment was as foolish as the rest of_ your _father's reign."_

" _It was surely more benevolent a gesture than you deserved."_

_The stranger laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound._

" _He was weak – as are you."_

" _Mercy is not weakness. It would serve you well to remember that in your current circumstances."_

" _And it would serve you well to know the only reason I remain in these circumstances is because I allow it."_

_Silence rang through the air and for the first time in her life Anna found it simple to stay still._

" _You cannot hide her forever, Tobias."_

" _See that he finds his way out of Arendelle. Permanently," Papa's voice was low now, but no less frightening. "And for your own sake, Dedrick, don't come back."_

_The guards pulled the strangers, but he remained unmoved._

" _Where ever you have her, whatever precautions you take – you know it is only a matter of time. Magic is bigger than whatever box you have her in, and when her day comes – I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting and no scheme or strategy will keep me away."_

_Anna felt a chill grow in the air as the stranger spoke, but she didn't understand what he was saying. There was no magic in Arendelle. No one was in any box. This was madness. It had to be._

" _Remove yourself before I find a reason to revoke the mercy you so readily mocked." Papa's words sounded like punches. Anna winced._

_The guards pulled at the stranger again. This time he moved, but Anna felt that it had nothing to do with the strength of her Papa's guards and everything to do with the stranger's own volition._

" _This isn't the end, Tobias. This will never end."_

_He called as he passed Anna, looking back over his shoulder, and caught sight of her shrinking into the wall. The stranger smiled at her, but it looked more like a wolf baring his teeth. Anna did not like it at all. It made her feel like the stranger intended to gobble her up. She wished her papa would come sweep her up in his arms and protect her. She wished her papa would hold her and reassure her that the stranger was gone for good, but her papa never noticed her in the shadow of the door._

_He never noticed her at all._

**o000o**

Kristoff felt the cold, but it didn't faze him. He was used to it. It was the stirring against him, the thrum of speech, which was unfamiliar and drew him out of his dreamless sleep. He had a crick in his neck and his left arm was numb, but those discomforts were secondary concerns as reality filtered in around him.

There was snow on the ground and ice like ivy on the walls and rafters. Winter had come inside and it stood above him. Cold and slender – she looked like a pillar of ice from his place on the ground. It took his mind no time at all to piece together what was happening, but it took him a few moments to accept it. He lay still and silent while he sorted through What This Meant as the sisters' battled it out in words.

"You don't understand!" Anna was sitting up next to him. The blanket wrapped around her did little to hide her compromising attire.

"What is there to understand?" Elsa's voice pulled tight around each word. "You are a princess, Anna. There are certain things that are expected of you."

Kristoff was pretty sure that running off alone with an iceman was pretty low on the list of Anna's princess-ly duties.

"Nothing happened, Elsa – if you would just let me explain –"

"I think we both know this is past the point of explanation."

Kristoff felt Anna wilt next to him, the arctic chill from her sister freezing her perpetual warmth, and it hurt to feel her give up like that. This was his fault, too. There was no reason she should be receiving the brunt of Elsa's wrath.

With a grunt Kristoff pushed up to his elbows and all eyes were on him now. He didn't like the feeling, but it spared Anna a moment of her sister's harsh scrutiny. That made it was worth it.

Anna gripped his forearm with her good hand, pulling from his strength, and drawing attention to the fact that he was half-naked. He pulled his blanket up over his shoulders but the damage was already done. The room grew colder.

"Uh – hello."

Maybe he should have just stayed asleep.

**o000o**

Elsa was sure she had thought through every scenario and each possible outcome of finding her sister. The thoughts ranged from the innocuous to the insane, but still nothing prepared her to find what she found. It hadn't taken much for the innkeeper to unlock the door for them upon arrival, but it had taken everything inside of Elsa not set off the next great freeze at what she found.

The two of them were alone, together, curled up in a mess of blankets on the floor in front of the fire. Their clothes were laid out all over the room and somehow _that_ implication had escaped Elsa's list of outcomes. An arctic wind whipped up around her.

"Stay out here." She said to the captain and his guards. She didn't need them to see any more than they already had. "This won't take long."

**o000o**

When Kristoff stood, so did Anna. She didn't know what else to do. Elsa's eyes flashed to bare skin and Anna wondered if it was physically possible for Elsa to blush because of the whole ice thing. It didn't seem like it, but maybe this wasn't a situation where Elsa should blush. After all, she was entirely clothed. Unlike her. She was just in Kristoff's shirt and oh - oh -oh this was bad. Anna clutched her blanket to her throat and blushed enough for all of them.

"Get dressed. We are returning to Arendelle immediately." Elsa didn't ask, and Anna didn't want to argue but…

"Uh – well – I would. I really would, but my dress is kind of ruined." Anna tried not to fidget and failed, but… "And we're pretty sure my arm is broken too – so there's that."

Her sister may not blush, but she sure did know how to be unreadable. Maybe that was part of the whole 'not blushing' thing. Because if she blushed, Anna might have a clue about what she was feeling. Anna tried to remember if Elsa had always been so remote in the Before, back when they shared a room, secrets, and laughter, but that was so long ago. Here in the After – the rules were different and there were ever so many things Anna didn't know about her sister. There were so many things she wasn't sure she would ever get to know. She could see that now better than ever.

"You didn't bring extra garments?"

Anna shook her head 'no' and that was the differences between the two of them in a heartbeat.

If it had been Elsa, she would have thought to bring extra clothes and would have found a way to make them fit. If it had been Elsa, she would have done things properly. If it had been Elsa, she never would have gone at all because Elsa _never_ did _anything_.

"Are any of your clothes salvageable?" Anna felt Elsa's voice like ice water down her back and she pulled into herself.

"Uh –" She looked at Kristoff but he coughed. Yeah. It was probably best that she answered this one. "My corset and underskirts?"

Elsa's stiff nod was worse than a slap across the face.

Anna wished she would just yell or scream or something that didn't involve turning the world into her personal ring of arctic judgment. Maybe then it might feel like she actually cared beyond civic duty. Maybe then she would feel like she had a _sister_.

"So whatever you are wearing is _his_." It wasn't a question and Anna bristled at Elsa's snub.

" _His_ name is _Kristoff_." It didn't come out quite as brave as she hoped, so she added. "You should know that. He only saved the whole kingdom from your stupid winter – kind of."

Kristoff coughed again, but this time it sounded more like he choked on air.

Part of Anna wanted to apologize, after all that was rather rude, but it wasn't like Elsa was being the nicest person ever created. Anna wasn't the one refusing to use people's names when they were pretty much heroes. Anna wasn't the one refusing to talk about what was happening for once instead of acting like this was some grand matter of diplomacy. Anna wasn't the one causing snow drifts to gather around their feet. No, Anna wouldn't apologize, even if she had to chomp on her tongue to keep the words at bay because she remembered what happened the last time they fought and there was a boy involved.

Elsa didn't apologize either, which was whatever, except it wasn't. It hurt.

"Gather what remains and see if the inn-keeper –

"Hilde." What was with Elsa and not using people's names?

"Yes – see if she has anything suitable for you to wear for the journey home."

 _Home. Arendelle._ It sounded nice, but…

Anna looked at Kristoff again. Was Arendelle his home, too? She'd never asked because she'd assumed, but then she thought of the trolls and the mountains. Did Kristoff even have a place to call home? Did she have time to ask him?

"Uh – now?"

A cold wind whipped through the room, but Anna's shiver had nothing to do with the cold.

"Yes. Now."

Anna looked around the room. If she got her things, then they would leave, but she wasn't sure if she wanted that. She wasn't sure what that meant. Would Kristoff come with them? Was he even invited?

Anna turned to Kristoff and he looked like he might speak, Anna wanted him to speak, but Elsa cut him off.

"Guards - please collect Princess Anna's things and see that she that she is dressed and taken care of by the innkeeper."

 _Hilde_. Anna thought, but there was no time.

Anna heard the clank of armor, heard the heavy fall of boots, but she still looked to Kristoff. She had so many things to ask, so many things to say, but not like this. Not with this audience. Not for these reasons. But what if he didn't come back with them? What if he didn't come back at all?

There were guards there now, around her, beside her, not touching but herding her in the direction of the door, her away from Kristoff. Anna tried to slow the process, but it did nothing. The thought of being away from Kristoff made her throat tighten.

This shouldn't be happening.

Why was this happening?

 _Nothing_ had happened. Well – obviously _something_ had happened, but nothing _bad._ Elsa had to see, she had to understand. Kristoff had to stop this. He had to make her see.

She looked to Kristoff, but he just stood there. The lines of his face pulled between want and resignation, like he had given up but he didn't want to, like he couldn't do anything but he'd give anything to be able to change what was unfolding. He looked like he'd known this was coming, but that couldn't be possible. Could it?

"Wait!"

No one waited. No one stopped. This was all happening too quickly. She needed to explain. She needed more time. She needed Kristoff.

"Please stop!" She tried to break through but there was no way.

"Elsa!"

She looked to her sister, but only saw a queen.

**o000o**

"Elsa please – Kristoff – stop it – let me go!" Anna's fragmented protests pierced the air as the guards forced her out of the room and down the hall. "Ow! Careful – my arm – Kristoff…!"

Elsa tried not to hear so it would be easier to hide her discomfort. Queens did not feel discomfort in the line of duty. Queens did what needed to be done - no matter the price. Instead she tried to focus on calming the weather around them, closing her eyes until her sister's calls faded to nothing. She felt the storm settle around her, the winter crawling back under her skin, and the dizzy rush in her blood that always came when she used her curse. She took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, Kristoff was watching her with raw fascination. She felt trapped by his gaze.

_There is beauty in it._

Words from the past – a blessing.

_But also great danger. Fear will be your enemy._

The other side of the coin - a curse. Her curse. But Kristoff wasn't afraid – so why was she?

"Your Majesty."

Elsa startled at the voice, ice shooting back out over just thawed floorboards from her feet, because it wasn't Kristoff speaking. Her head whipped towards the door. It was the captain ( _what was his name?)_ but Elsa had thought he had gone with the others. She felt the ice recede upon recognition.

"If you'll allow me, I would like to remain for protection."

"Thank you." Flashes of the Weselton assailants – ice poised to kill them both – and maybe the captain should stay for the iceman's sake instead of hers. No. She could control it. "But that will not be necessary."

"Very well, My Queen." The captain bowed and then followed his men.

That left Elsa and Kristoff alone. She tried to remember if she had ever been alone with him, or at least without Anna, and she couldn't. She tried to remember the last conversation they had that wasn't monitored, interrupted, or interpreted by her zealous sister, but she couldn't. She hadn't even really looked at him before. They'd shared two sides of the same adventure, spent meals sitting within arms-length of one another, yet Elsa did not know this man at all.

She pushed down the uneasy feeling in her stomach – _conceal –_ and tried to pull the winter back into her bones.

"Do you have another shirt you could wear, or was that ruined as well?" It could have been light, comical, or even playful – but Elsa didn't know how to do that. Her words were clipped and hard and she wished – no. She didn't.

He looked at his bare chest, and all other thoughts escaped Elsa when she realized he was _embarrassed._ She hadn't expected mortification from an iceman brazen enough to whisk a princess off into the woods.

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." Five strides and he had a tunic over his head. Though he didn't get any closer to where she stood, she stepped back. Distance felt good, normal, safe. This man was surprising. The further away – the better.

"Look - Elsa," he turned back to face her, his large face earnest. "Nothing happened - with me and Anna I mean. I know it looks bad, but if you just let us explain…"

She didn't want an explanation. She wanted this whole mess to have never happened in the first place. She wanted her sister to have a modicum of propriety. She wanted to know why it made her feel so strange inside to hear him use her first name.

"Ice Master, my sister is - while unconventional at times - a princess. As such, she has certain responsibilities and expectations upon her."

"Yeah. I know." His face aged with unwanted understanding, like he was only too aware of the fact, and Elsa wondered where else should could have underestimated this man.

"Well, then," fragile hands, bare and dangerous, smoothed her skirts. "You can understand then why this has put me in a rather uncomfortable position."

"I do, but if you'd just let me explain -"

She cut him off. "I am taking Anna back to Arendelle," she doesn't have time for explanations, excuses, _sleep_ , "and I think it may be best if you stayed away for a while."

The room breathed. Kristoff's brow knitted.

"For a while – or for good?"

Pain, sharp and real, pulsed behind Elsa's eyes, but she willed herself to not look away. Queens didn't look away, but by gods, they didn't expect icemen to ask the hard questions either.

"Ice Master Bjorgman –"

"This isn't Anna's fault. Don't take it out on her. I should have made her stay behind but –"

"Ice Master Bjorgman –" she didn't want to hear.

"She fell through some thin ice and that's the only reason why –"

"Ice Master Bjorgman –" she didn't want to know.

"Nothing happened. I swear. Well – I kissed her – I mean she kissed – we kissed, but that was all."

"Kristoff!" His first name brought him to a halt. "Please don't make this more difficult than it needs to be."

She didn't want any of this.

He screwed his mouth to the side, chest swelling with breath, and he looked like might go to war with her. Then he exhaled, shoulders slumped in exhale, and Elsa had never seen such a large man look so small.

"What will you tell Anna?" Honest, tired, and she felt her anger stagger in the face of his defeat.

What _would_ she tell Anna? Anna would have questions and Elsa didn't want to answer them. She didn't want to, but there were so many things she did even though she didn't want to. She didn't want to chase after her sister, or worry about the rate of exchange between Arendelle's trade partners, or feel the ice rattle deep in her bones. There was little in a queen's life that had to do with what she wanted, but that didn't matter.

"I'll tell her what she needs to hear."

"And what's that?"

"That she is a princess."

"And I am an iceman."

Something dark sparked in his eyes as he said that and Elsa felt it stick her like a knife. She'd always been good at keeping people out, but she hadn't quite mastered the art of cruelty. Elsa felt the miles that had been put there by birth thrust between them.

"I see you understand." Elsa did her best to keep the ice from growing out from around her feet, but did little to keep the chill from her tone.

"I do."

His words _stuck_ in the air, and Elsa needed to leave. She needed to be out of this room, this inn, this place immediately. The way he looked at her, the intimacy of understanding – of acceptance, made her choke. She wasn't ready for this.

"I'll see to it that any accounts you have here are settled for your trouble and make sure your shirt is returned to you."

"I can pay my own way. I don't need your favors." He spoke like she had slapped him. She may as well have.

"Very well then, goodbye, Ice Master." She thought of extending her hand, the way she'd seen her mother do once or twice to dismiss people, but kept it clapped to her side. She couldn't touch him. She couldn't touch _anyone._ She didn't dare.

He didn't say anything, and she didn't have the time to wait, but his voice caught her at the door.

"I care about her, you know. I may not have much to offer, but I do care about her - if that counts for anything."

Elsa rested her hand on the doorframe and watched frost swirl out from her fingertips. If the world was fair, his feelings would have done him credit, but the world wasn't fair. What would it be like to have someone say that about her? To have someone care for her instead of fear her – place her on a pedestal? What would it be like to have someone see her for something more than just her curse? She would never know.

"Goodbye, Kristoff."

She didn't look back.

**o000o**

"She froze the whole kingdom – right in the middle of summer."

The stranger sat on a stool at the local pub and listened.

"Never seen nothing like it, not even in a proper winter."

"Word is she made herself a castle of ice up on the north mountain and had it guarded by snow monsters of her own creation."

"My brother's son was one of the guardsmen to go up there and he said the thing was no smaller than fifty feet tall with glowing eyes. Can you imagine? A snowman fifty feet tall and trying to kill you no less."

The stranger could imagine it all very well and it sent a tingle down his spine. _This_ was what he had been waiting for. She was out of the box.

He bought his new friends another round. He wanted to know _everything_.

**o000o**

Kristoff's feet were nailed to the floor. Anna was gone. He was alone.

Kristoff was alone and trying to remember why he ever thought he wanted to be in the first place.

He was sure there was a reason. He'd been trying to find reasons for days but now, when he needed one the most, he found nothing.

He looked around the room, searching for inspiration, and found nothing. There was no trace of Anna or the whirlwind they had been on the past few days. There was nothing, but that couldn't be right. His time with Anna wasn't nothing. There had to be something left. He needed something to assure him this wasn't some bizarre dream.

Kristoff thought of going after Anna. He thought of romantic gestures and grand spectacle, but he was a simple man. He was a man who worked with his hands and there was no room for the likes of him in the royal courts of Arendelle. Princesses didn't end up with icemen orphans. Age aside – he'd known that from the start. He couldn't be with her. It was too complicated to be plausible. They'd run their course and anything more would be cruel. Elsa was right. He needed to stay away. He had to let Anna go. It was the right thing to do.

He bolted to the waste bucket in the corner and wretched until his stomach was empty.

**o000o**

"We're leaving." Elsa announced to the group in the great hall.

Anna sprang to her feet. The raw emotion on her face something Elsa envied.

"Where's Kristoff?"

"He won't be joining us just yet." An easy truth to hide a lie.

"We aren't leaving without him." Anna looked frantic in her absence of authority. "Are we?"

"He has responsibilities as ice master just as you have responsibilities as princess." Elsa said. "And for now they do not intersect."

"I have to say goodbye –

"We're leaving now, Anna."

"No! I have to –"

Elsa didn't even have to motion to the guards to keep Anna from straying too far.

"Anna – it is time to go."

Elsa had watched her sister deflate in her presence all too often, but watching her wilt this time felt worse than it had in a while.

"But…"

Blue eyes – just like their mother's – met. Elsa looked away.

"Captain, are we ready for travel?"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Then let us go."

It took everything she had to not look at her sister.


	7. Chapter 7

Anna was numb. Her head spun. Fifteen minutes ago she had been nestled in Kristoff's arms. Now Hilde's inn faded behind them and she could barely understand what was happening, much less what she should feel about all of it.

So instead of feeling, Anna tried thinking, but then all she thought of was Kristoff.

She thought of him coming back to her in Arendelle as soon as he retrieved the sled from Lake Limingen and sweeping her up in his strong arms. She thought of how soft his face could look in the firelight when he said her name. She thought of the things he made her feel and how they felt an awful lot like what might be love, but what did she know?

Well, quantifiably, she knew a lot. Four languages, higher math, the complexities of her royal lineage… but what did she really know outside of books? What did she know about people and _love_? Seeing the same eleven, then nine, people for years left her inexperienced at best. Especially when the one person who really mattered stayed locked in a room away from everyone ever.

Now that same person who couldn't be bothered for all of those years was dragging her away from one of the most wonderful, frustrating, _amazing_ people she'd ever known and she felt... well she wasn't quite sure. She wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Anna was used to not being in control of her own life, her own destiny. She was used to living in the shadow of things she wasn't allowed to see. She was used to lies, half–truths, closed doors, but now…

Now she knew better – or at least she knew more. She knew what it felt like to really live, to make choices, to take up space, and it was amazing. It made her want to get on a ship and sail to every country known to man and not come back until she'd seem them all. It made her want to strip down naked and roll in the grass because she never wanted to feel trapped again. She wondered if Elsa could even begin to understand any of this. She wondered if Elsa ever knew what it was to feel free and happy and alive. She wondered if Elsa had ever _really_ felt anything ever.

The wind whipped against her cheeks as the sleigh blazed down the mountain. The borrowed clothes she wore kept her warm enough, but something cold cracked and spread through her chest. It felt like there was still ice stuck in her heart, chilling her blood, and freezing her from the inside out. She felt alone.

Was this how Elsa felt all of the time?

She wanted to ask, but she knew she would not receive an answer. So she didn't ask. In fact she didn't say anything at all. Anna was silent, which was as difficult as it was uncharacteristic, but if Elsa wasn't going to talk, neither was she. She wouldn't give Elsa the satisfaction of conversation, because talking was satisfying, or at least Anna thought it was.

It only took ten minutes for Anna to realize how foolish it was to try to out-silence her sister. It was like trying to outrun caribou - something she would never do - but now she had been quiet long enough that she didn't want to fill the silence with nervous prattle. She wanted it to matter.

After all - there was no door between them now for Elsa to slam in her face. There was no where for either of them to run. They were in a sleigh in the middle of the woods, and Anna now understood the idea of a captive audience. This was her chance, but the first time Anna confronted her sister, Elsa had frozen the kingdom in eternal winter. The other time she had ended up with ice in her heart. Both of those times she had been fully clothed with no Kristoff in sight and Anna was quick enough to realize the difference between a captive audience and a trapped one.

It took Anna two hours of staring at her hands to gather the courage she needed, to find the perfect words, to start.

Deep breath and _she was born ready for this-_

"Elsa?"

The horses hooves crunched in the snow, and Elsa said nothing. Anna looked at her sister for the first time since they'd loaded into the sleigh and –

She was sleeping.

Elsa was asleep.

Her head lolled to the side and her shoulders slumped slightly, but she still managed to stay erect in the fast moving sleigh. Stately and refined even in sleep, and Anna felt the burden of her sister's perfection weigh down her shoulders.

Had the burden always been so heavy? She tried to remember. In the back of her mind Anna found the Before.

There was a shared room where the northern lights kept her up at night. She remembered sliding out of her bed and slipping under the covers with her sister to giggle and tease until they were both so tired they fell asleep in the same bed. She remembered fun. She remembered love.

Then her sister was gone, and the long nights alone in a room that was too big for one person. She remembered being scared, confused, and having to accept that questions with no answers were the reality of her life now.

But that was the Before, this was the After, and memories were just dreams of the past and Anna was learning just how few dreams came true.

Anna looked back at her hands in her lap, clenched and mitten clad, and exhaled. She supposed she could wait until her sister woke before she bothered her.

After all, it must be so difficult to be a queen.

**o000o**

There were exactly three things that Kristoff did well.

One: he harvested ice well.

Two: he took care of Sven well.

Three: he could hold his liquor well.

So when he finally made his way into the great hall of Hilde's inn and sat at the same table Anna had danced upon just two nights ago, he knew it would take some doing to get as drunk as he wanted to be. Thankfully he was up for the challenge.

**o000o**

The streets of Arendelle were inviting. The people were kind and happy. Children laughed and played while parents chatted with merchants. Craftsmen plied their trade and the harbor bustled with activity. No one paid much attention to the stranger as he made his way through their midst. A shipping town such as Arendelle saw many a passing traveler and took no issue with one more. The stranger appreciated this and took his time walking every street in anonymity.

He wanted to learn each cobble, every crack, this city had to offer. He wanted to know the shape of every building and where the baker put his children to bed. He wanted to know which pew the tailor sat in at church and how old the blacksmith's daughter was to the day. He wanted intimacy with this place and its people because it would make it that much sweeter when he painted it red with their blood.

**o000o**

It was well after dark, but Elsa (once she had woken) had said to keep going - so they kept going.

And going.

And going.

When they finally stopped it was close to the campsite where Kristoff and Anna had spent their first night. Anna was exhausted, but her chest tightened at the memory of a kiss. She wanted to tell Elsa about it. She wanted to make her understand what it felt like to be wrapped up in warmth and affection. She wanted to tell Elsa all the things she had built the courage to say earlier, but she couldn't.

Love may thaw, they'd covered that, but Anna wasn't sure Elsa really knew what love was. So she followed the example her sister had set for years in the Before, and stayed quiet.

She stayed quiet while the guards set up the camp and they sat in the sleigh. She stayed quiet when the guards helped her out of the sleigh. She stayed quiet when she climbed into the large tent she shared with her sister for the night. She stayed quiet and waited to hear Elsa's breathing even out.

She stayed quiet and cried herself to sleep.

**o000o**

He dreamed again. He was back in Elsa's ice palace, but he was alone this time. He couldn't find Anna anywhere even though he looked and looked. The moment he gave up was the moment she appeared. Anna stood at the top of a grand staircase. She was blank, expressionless, and that scared Kristoff more than not being able to find her.

"Anna!" He started for the stairs when Elsa emerged behind her sister.

The look in Elsa's eyes froze him in place.

"You cannot keep her safe."

He shouldn't have been able to hear her, the words barely more than a hiss, but he did. He heard it loud and clear. He heard it just as clear as he saw Elsa pull a dagger out of Anna's back, bright red and bloody, before she shoved her sister's lifeless body down the stairs.

**o000o**

Kristoff made it to the barn to retrieve Sven before the first light. He'd been awake for hours, unable to return to sleep after waking from his nightmare, and he needed a distraction. He needed a reason to think of something other than Anna and how she looked while she was dancing, while she was sleeping, while she was doing anything. He needed to move.

When he opened the barn door, Sven looked at him, and then behind him like he expected Anna to be close on his heels. When she didn't appear, Sven gave Kristoff a look that almost sent Kristoff back to Hilde's spiced wine.

"She's not coming with us, buddy." Kristoff pulled his tack off of the rack and tossed it over Sven's back.

Sven nudged Kristoff's arm with his nose.

_Why?_

Kristoff took a deep breath and tried to ignore his friend's question as he fastened his harness. Sven nudged him again.

_**Why?** _

And Kristoff knew that if he didn't answer this time, he would get a swift kick to the shins and he wasn't in the mood for that. So he tightened the strap under Sven's belly and said:

"Because she left, Sven, and I don't think she's coming back."

Sven blinked. He couldn't cry. Reindeers weren't built that way, but he could feel sadness just as deeply as any person. Kristoff couldnt cry either, but not because it was impossible. He couldn't cry because he never learned how.

Sven pressed his muzzle into his friend's palm, reaching out to comfort, for comfort, the line between the two was so thin. Kristoff rubbed Sven's face, understanding the gesture, appreciating it.

_She didn't say goodbye to me._

Sven's voice held all the sadness that Kristoff could not bear to show.

"I know buddy. I know."

They didn't make it out of the stable till the sun was high in the sky.

**o000o**

Anna woke the next morning with a jolt. Kristoff was going to knock down the tent. She needed to get up and get out but Elsa stood in the doorway and – wait. What was Elsa doing in Kristoff's tent? And when had Kristoff's tent gotten so big?

Anna blinked and tried to shake the loose pieces of her brain back into order.

"Anna. You need to get up. It is time to go."

She'd heard those words before, but the voice was all wrong. The clothes she wore were all wrong. Everything was all wrong. Where was Kristoff and why did her arm hurt like that?

The pain brought a sudden wave of clarity. The past four days came crashing back and she squeezed her eyes shut to ward off the overload. _Ice, sleigh, kiss, Kristoff, ice, Kristoff,_ _ **kiss**_ _, Elsa…_ Elsa.

Elsa and her anger.

Elsa and her judgment.

Elsa and her silence.

She shook her head again and Anna remembered everything.

"Oh. Hi. Sorry. Yeah. Thanks for - uh - geez. How long have I been asleep?" Everything felt fuzzy when she swung her feet off the side of her cot.

Elsa didn't soften at her apology. If anything Anna thought her sister grew _more_ rigid. If that was even possible. Anna wished it wasn't, but knew it was.

"It is time to go." Had Elsa even heard her? "We need to get back to Arendelle as soon as possible."

"Great." She stood and grabbed her bad arm. "So – so great." She felt the words form and fall out of her mouth, but they tasted all wrong. Elsa turned towards the flap of the tent and Anna couldn't stand it anymore.

"No. You know what? Not great, Elsa." Anna spat out the words before her courage slipped from her. "Not great at all. Opposite of great – the worst."

Elsa stopped and looked back at her sister. Anna noticed the gloves Elsa wore and they were as familiar as they were unwelcome.

"Excuse me?" Thin eyebrows knit together and Anna felt her courage melt out of her feet the second her sister looked at her, but she couldn't stop.

"This is the worst, Elsa. All of this." She pulled her arm in tighter to her side. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"This isn't the time for this, Anna." Elsa's voice held an exhausted note that pricked Anna like a needle.

"I just want to explain. You chased me up a mountain, but you won't even hear me tell you _why_ I went up that mountain." Anna stepped towards her sister.

"I don't want an explanation-"

"But I want to explain! I want to talk to my sister!" Anna felt panic build in her chest. "What _I_ want counts for something, too."

An arctic chill took the air and something in the back of Anna's mind told her to slow down, backup, shut up, but she wouldn't.

"You are a princess, Anna. You have rank and responsibility." Elsa said. "What you want has little weight."

"What about what _you_ want?" Anna saw her sister pull back to leave. She moved faster than she ever had, blocking Elsa's exit, because _this was not over_. "Why can't you just _trust_ me for once?"

For a split second there was a battle on Elsa's features, an instant of indecision, something _human_ , and Anna clung to it.

"You never take one moment to think of the consequences of your actions and you expect me to trust you?"

"The only thing I have had time to do for the last fourteen years is _think_ , Elsa. You know what I want to do now? I want to _live_. I want to be happy. I want _you_ to be happy. Can't you understand that?"

The look on Elsa's face told Anna that she couldn't.

"I've entertained the idea of this iceman for your sake. I even created a title for him to make your attachment more palatable,"

_That's not a thing._

_Of course it is._ Memories burn.

"But I never thought you would go carousing through the wilderness with a low -"

"His name is _Kristoff_." Anger so hot her tears boil as they hit her eyes.

"He is common -"

"He saved my life!"

"It wouldn't have needed saving if you had remained in Arendelle."

"It wouldn't have needed saving if you had just opened your door!"

It wasn't aimed to hurt, but frost crawled across canvas walls, and Anna regretted it even if it was the truth.

"We leave. Now." Elsa's voice was hard, low, and even though she just woke Anna felt so very tired. "If you'll excuse me."

Elsa pressed past Anna into the world outside leaving her sister cold, alone, and devastated.

**o000o**

They were half way to Lake Limingen. Sven had given up trying to talk to his sullen companion, and Kristoff had given up on trying to make his furry best friend feel any better than miserable. They'd known each other long enough to know when the other needed space even if the only thing both of them wanted was a strange redhead to invade that space right now.

Sven smelled it before Kristoff, and Kristoff smelled it before he saw it. The tang of death pierced the air and Kristoff looked up and saw a crow circling above the bare branches. He watched the bird swoop and dive down to join the rest of his brothers feasting on the carrion atop of the snow. What had Anna said a group of crows were called? Then it struck him as he watched the group rip into the animal's carcass and come up with beaks full of foul meat.

 _A murder._ Anna's soft lips had curled around the words like a curse. He tried to ignore the chill that shot down his spine at the memory.

Anna called it a _murder_.

**o000o**

Her tongue felt thick. She hadn't said a word since Elsa had left her nailed to the ground a few hours before and the silence festered inside of her. She needed her sister, even if her sister didn't need her. That was why she wrestled her pack open with her one good arm.

"I brought some books." Anna said and felt a thousand words she never said swell up out of her. " I used to read them to you through your door." She pulled out a worn volume. "I know you've heard them a million times, but I never get tired of them. I could read them every day and still want to read them again."

"That's nice." Elsa spoke, but still somehow offered nothing.

Anna thought back to hours, days, and years of silence on the other side of a door and wondered at how speech and wordlessness could be the same thing. She thought of firesides and Kristoff and how she'd seen secrets light his eyes after she'd read out loud to him. She thought of love and passion and warmth and the things the words on these pages made her feel in ways the world around her had failed to. Anna thought of childish hope and clung to it.

"I could read it out loud now, like I used to, if you want. I don't mind." Anna reminded herself to breathe, and she looked at her sister's stern profile.

"I do not much care for poetry." Elsa didn't even bother to cast a glance in her sister's direction.

"Oh. I see. That's fine." Anna felt heat flood her cheeks with embarrassment and then anger at her shame. Why had she ever thought that this was a good idea? There was too much time, too much damage.

"It was a silly idea anyway."

A moment passed and Elsa sighed. Anna looked at her to see her sister looking back – and that was new.

"But if you wish to read aloud, I think it could be nice."

"Really?" Hope so raw it hurt.

"Really."

A bit of ice melted.

**o000o**

The sleigh was right where he left it. He even found the damn pickax he'd thrown away into the snow when he had saved - his thoughts veered away - already trained to not entertain his obsession. There was enough daylight left that he could get a decent crop of ice if he set his mind to it, but first he'd take stock. He went back to the sleigh, ignoring the cracked ice that had swallowed him whole, and made sure everything was how he left it.

It was, but there in the snow by the sleigh was a stray scrap of brown. He reached and picked up one of the books Anna had brought with them on this fool's errand. The snow encrusted pages would no doubt ruin as the snow melted, but for now all they did was remind him of everything he couldn't have.

He clutched the volume in too large hands and wished for the luxury of grief.

**o000o**

He saw the procession to the castle along with several other town folk. He saw the two young women in the sleigh and knew in an instant which one was the one he'd waited to meet. Hair as white as his and she radiated with untapped potential.

The stranger thought of death and smiled.

**o000o**

"Find the doctor. Have him tend to Princess Anna's arm."

Elsa gave commands as the beleaguered group pulled through ceremoniously open gates. Soldiers and servants plagued the sleigh, all with two dozen questions about what else was to be done, but Elsa had no answers for them. All she saw was a sea of faces, faces with names she should know but didn't, and she had nothing for them.

She had nothing.

**o000o**

Returning to the library was odd because it had been four days since she'd heard Olaf detail her sister's questionable decision making but little had changed. The desk, her father's father, her father's, now hers - stared at her in silent resignation. There were new papers piled on top of the ones she'd left behind on her quest and Elsa felt old. Would there ever be a time where she didn't feel like she was drowning?

There was a knock on the door and it startled her. She'd only been here a matter of minutes and already the demands on her time began. She just wanted to go to bed.

"Come in." She said instead, and the door opened. Would she ever get used to that?

It was her captain, the one who had accompanied her up the mountain, and she really should know his name.

He bowed, "Your Majesty."

She nodded.

"The physician is on his way to see Princess Anna now. How would you like my guardsmen to proceed?" He asked and Elsa understood what he was really asking.

_How much babysitting would her sister require to guarantee that this mess never happened again?_

After all, there were only so many times they could charge into the mountains after the princess.

"Do what you must to make sure Princess Anna is secure." She said, but knew that it was as impossible a task as she could request. Her sister didn't sit still. "Report anything unusual to me immediately."

The captain nodded: "Certainly, Your Highness."

He bowed and turned to the door.

"Did I do the right thing?" She asked before he could make his exit, before she could stop herself. "Did I do the right thing for my sister – for Arendelle?" Her gloved fingernails caught on the ornate back of the settee.

The captain turned and gave her a look of both honesty and responsibility.

"I don't think you are capable of doing any less, Your Highness." He stood at door and Elsa wondered what it was like to have people stay in a room with her because they wanted to instead of because they were obliged to.

"I'm sorry." She looked down, but then forced herself to return his gaze. Queens didn't look down. Queens didn't hide. "I've spoken out of turn. It is not your place to be burdened with such concerns."

The captain's face flickered with something soft, but it was gone as soon as it came.

"You are a burden worth bearing, My Queen."

She felt his sincerity like a punch to the gut and she wanted… she didn't know what she wanted. All she knew was there was an emptiness gnawing a hole in her chest but she nodded in acceptance that this emptiness was her lot in life.

"Thank you, Captain." She knew the temperature of the room was dropping, and she needed to be alone like she knew best. "Please don't let me detain you from your duties any longer."

The captain - _what was his name -_ looked like he may say something. The firm line of his jaw flexed like he was holding back something he needed to say, but then he bowed at the waist.

"Of course, Your Majesty." He said, and then he was gone.

It wasn't until the door shut that she allowed the snow to fall.


	8. Chapter 8

He didn't harvest any ice that day. For the first time in his life, he didn't feel like it. Kristoff wasn't ready to admit why or What This Could Mean ( _an ice harvester who didn't want to harvest ice. Was he the punch line to his own joke?)._ So Kristoff and Sven left Lake Limingen and trekked down mountain in attempts to find a way to fill the amazing amount of silence that now followed them.

Kristoff never liked the name Valley of the Living Rock. He understood it, but in an oblique way, like he was on the outside looking in. Trolls and rocks were different. He could not remember a time where he didn't know that, so it was difficult to understand why other people, other _educated_ people, didn't take the time to know.

_These little guys aren't more of your family, are they?_

_Trolls are not the same as rocks._

No matter how hard he tried to push the thought out if his mind, to forget it, he couldn't. Kristoff never forgot anything no matter how hard he tried.

That was why he shouldn't have been surprised that he could retrace each step that he and Anna took upon his last visit home down to the last steam gieser.

"Hey everybody!" He called to the gray balls strewn across the mossy ground. "I'm back! Did ya miss me?" He picked his way through their ranks until the ground rumbled and he was surrounded by scads of wide eyes.

"Kristoff is home!" It was a chorus of overlapping exclamations, of uninhibited welcome, and Kristoff couldn't help but smile.

Yes. Yes. Yes. _This_ was what he needed.

"Look how thick my moss has gotten!"

"Grand Pabbie says I can test for my earth crystal soon!"

"You are so thin! We have to get Bulda to fatten you up!"

His mind whirred to process each new tidbit, but the mention of his mother caught his ear.

"Hey - where is my ma?" He scans out over the sea of trolls just in time to see one rolling a determined path right to his feet.

He'd know that roll anywhere.

"My boy!" Bulda popped open and had a stack of trolls tall enough to meet Kristoff's eye-level before she even needed a breath. "Let me look at you." She grabbed at his face, his hair, his clothes, inspecting every inch of him she could reach. "What has kept you away so long? Was it that girl?"

Kristoff had managed to not think about Anna for a total of fifteen seconds, which was a record so far, and he was so not ready to have this conversation.

"No, ma, I've been busy." Bulda gave him a look that would crack granite. "The winter melted and people needed ice again." Bulda's look grew sterner. "Ma. I'm fine."

It took no great effort to see that Bulda was far from done with this conversation, but she was interrupted before she could press further.

"Kristoff!"

Grand Pabbie wobbled towards him. His craggy face cracked into a smile and Kristoff smiled back.

"Grand Pabbie," Kristoff sunk down so he could greet the old troll as much as so he could avoid Bulda's gaze.

"Ah, Kristoff."

Grand Pabbie reached out and touched Kristoff's hand. Kristoff felt odd warmth of stony flesh, felt the thrum of magic stir against his palm, and then Grand Pabbie's face softened in understanding.

"We have much to talk about."

Kristoff nodded, not knowing if denying any happenings to his Ma or explaining the circumstances to Grand Pabbie would be less difficult. He did not have time to think about it though because a two younglings jumped on his back just as Bulda tugged at his pants.

"Talking comes later." Bulda sniffed and Kristoff tried to balance under the weight of the children. "Now give me your clothes. You stink."

**o000o**

She didn't sleep well that night, which was weird, because she used to be so good at sleeping. Even with the draught the doctor gave her, she could never stay asleep for long because she kept dreaming about dying. Well, more she kept dreaming about being dead. Because she had been dead - twice. That was at least two times too many for her to still be alive, but here she was staring at the ceiling of her dark room wondering just what exactly being alive really meant.

She threw back the covers and got up. There was a guard by her door. She knew that, but she was a princess - not a prisoner - and she wanted to take a walk. She should be able to take a walk, right? Who cared if it was the middle of the night. The sky was awake and so was she.

Anna pulled a blanket around her shoulders because she felt _so cold_ and opened her door. The guard startled and turned.

"Is everything all right, Princess?" Heavy-set with a thick moustache and she wondered if Kristoff ever grew a beard. Or if he could. Or if she'd ever have the chance to know.

"Uh - yeah. I just wanted to take a walk." Her gaze flickered down the hall to where she knew Elsa's door remained shut tight. What would happen if she knocked now? What was there even left to say?

"Very good, Your Highness." The guard nodded, but Anna was sure he didn't mean the 'very' or the 'good' at all.

He let her by, but ten steps into her walk and she heard the thump of boots and clatter of armour behind her. She turned.

"I was kind of hoping I could be alone for a minute."

"I'm sorry, Your Highness, but I am not allowed to let you leave your room unaccompanied." That thick mustache twitched. "Queen's orders."

Queen. Elsa. Queen. Sister. No! _Queen_.

There were so many names, so many titles, but Elsa had made it pretty obvious which one mattered the most.

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Okay." She pulled the blanket tighter around her throat with her good hand.

She walked a few more steps. _Clunk, ching, clunk, ching, clunk, ching…_ and how was she supposed to think with all of that racket?

"You know the guards at the gate would stop me if I tried to leave, right? So there really isn't any reason to follow me." The truth was so bitter it stung her tongue.

"I know, Princess," He was apologetic. "But Queen's orders."

"Oh. Yeah. Right."

She looked back at her room past the guard then into the darkness leading to Elsa's room. All Anna wanted was a reason to go knock on that door that she hadn't already used two dozen times before. All Anna wanted was Kristoff.

_You are a princess, Anna. What you want has little weight._

Anna sighed. Things were so complicated now.

"I guess you can't really disobey a queen."

But if you could… and if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

So Anna kept walking and did her best to ignore the _clunk, ching, clunk, ching_ that followed.

**o000o**

Trolls were nocturnal.

Humans - not so much.

So evenings always proved an interesting challenge when Kristoff visited home. The later it got, the more active his family became, and it had to be near midnight when Kristoff felt the burden of the day press down upon him. He made his way to the outskirts of the valley where winter melted in the face of hot springs and his sleigh waited.

Sven followed, and it did not take long for Kristoff to realize that someone else had followed as well.

"Your mother is worried about you." The gravely voice met his ears just as he reached his sleigh. It was Grand Pabbie and Kristoff was still no where near ready to have this conversation.

"She is _always_ worried about me." Kristoff pulled his bedroll out of the back and wondered if any of Anna's scent still clung to it.

"I am worried about you, too."

Kristoff bristled, but tried not to show it. He didn't do a very good job.

"Yeah? Well you can stop. I am fine."

"I have never met anyone with a broken heart who was ever fine."

Every muscles in Kristoff's body clenched.

No. No. No. _This_ was not why he came home.

"Well I won't be your first because I am not broken hearted." Kristoff carried his roll close to a steaming crack in the ground.

"So the sorrow I felt had nothing to do with why Anna is not here right now?"

"You know it is cheating to use your magic to read minds." Kristoff accused instead of answered.

"It is more of a heart reading."

"It is cheating - and invasive - and I am never touching your hands again." He felt Grand Pabbie's eyes boring into his skull, but he focused on getting his mat rolled out instead of acknowledging him.

"You have never minded before."

"Yeah, well maybe I did and I just didn't say anything."

"Or maybe then you didn't have anything to hide then."

And try as Kristoff might, he could not muster up a rebuttal for that. Instead he straightened every invisible wrinkle of his mat because punching a troll, especially Grand Pabbie, would be painful and stupid.

"I read her heart, too."

Kristoff's throat tightened to hold back the words trying to escape. He didn't want to know. He already knew. He'd seen it in her eyes, felt it in her touch.

"Don't." It was all he could muster.

"A love like that doesn't come often."

 _That_ word knocked the wind out of Kristoff's lungs. The sound of it worked its way through his system like venom. His hands stopped. His heart stopped. He'd worked diligently to not name the thing growing in his chest, to not pin the one word to it that would make it hurt worse, but there it was.

He pressed out a breath.

"That wasn't what it was."

"Then what was it?" Grand Pabbie pushed.

"Not _that_." Kristoff pushed back.

"Then what?"

Kristoff tipped over the edge. "Oh I don't know - maybe something to do with her _fiance_. Or the fact that she just trusts anyone that comes in contact with her for more than five minutes." He raked fingers through his hair, ripping through tangles. "She's a princess, Grand Pabbie. Princesses do not end up with icemen."

He fell back across his mat and covered his eyes. Every part of him ached. Every. Single. Part.

"And trolls do not raise humans, but you are different Kristoff. You always have been."

"There is a big gap between 'different' and 'good enough'."

"Kristoff -"

"Can we not do this?" He sat up, looking Grand Pabbie in the eyes for the first time. "Sometimes things don't work out and people get hurt. That is just how life is and no magic you have is going go fix that." He ignored the wash of stubborn pity on the old troll's face. "Can we just forget about it?"

Grand Pabbie considered Kristoff for a long moment. The creases around his mouth tightened in the stern wisdom Kristoff knew well.

"We can forget," he nodded, his words heavy. "But can you?"

**o000o**

She took her breakfast in the library again and told herself it had nothing to do with avoiding Anna. Somehow the world had wrapped itself around and the days and reasons from The Before were interchangeable with the days and reasons of The After. Realizations like that made it that much more difficult to not dwell on the fact that if so much had changed, why did everything feel the same? Her curse was not a secret anymore, but she felt just as alone as she ever had. The years of isolation, the fear, the self-loathing - it was all for nothing. It was all for everything. The air around her began to stir and -

There was a knock at the door.

Fourteen years of programming made words catch in her throat. Would this ever get easier?

"Come in." The words tasted funny.

She stood as the door opened. It was Kai.

"Your Majesty," he bowed. "There is a man here with a missive for you."

The way the veins protruded on the sides of Kai's temples told her there was more to the story, but she knew that tact rarely intersected with truth.

"Bring it to me."

"I would, Your Majesty, with great joy, but I am afraid that he refuses to deliver it to anyone but Your Grace. Directly."

"Who is he?"

"He claims to be an ambassador, Your Majesty, but will not say from where."

Had not she just rid her kingdom of ambassadors? Arendelle was a place of open doors now, she thought, and there were consequences to that.

"Of course," she looked at the portrait of her father hanging over the mantle, crown resting hard on his head, shoulders set firm against the world. What would he do? "Well then it would hardly do to excuse an ambassador without a proper audience, would it?"

She met Kai's gaze, knowing he would understand her real questions. _Should /? Is this the right thing to do? What am I supposed to do?_

Kai lowered his chin a fraction. "No, Your Grace, it would not do at all."

It was the correct answer, but Elsa hated it. The temperature dropped.

"Yes. Of course." She pressed a gloved hand to her abdomen in attempts to calm the storm within. "I will meet with him in the north parlor."

Kai's face was guarded beyond expression, but Elsa felt his unease. Or was that her own discomfort she saw reflected on his round face? She would never know.

"Very good, Your Majesty."

"Please see that he finds his way there and let him know I will be there when my work permits."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

He turned to leave.

"And Kai -

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"It would be poor hospitality to make our guest wait alone. Fetch Princess Anna to entertain the ambassador until I arrive."

**o000o**

Anna tried to keep her foot from tapping, her fingers from picking the lace on her skirt, her teeth from chewing her lips, but it was a losing battle. The moment she noticed she was doing one of those things long enough to stop it, her body compensated by switching tics. It was a never ending cycle and if Elsa had been in the room with her, Anna knew she would be horrified. Then again, if Elsa were in the room, maybe she wouldn't have so many reasons to be so twitchy, but right now that was all she had.

Anna wasn't used to entertaining visitors. Sure, she had pretended to host hundreds of imaginary guests in the endless afternoons that mapped her childhood, but that was nowhere close to the same thing. All of her imaginary guests were kind and engaging and always said the right thing. The man that sat across from her now made her remember just how cold Lake Limingen had been and his smile reminded her of wolves which made it difficult to make polite conversation... and she _swore_ she knew him from somewhere.

She caught herself babbling just to fill the air, something she never had to worry about when her guests were imaginary: "Just got in town, huh? Well that is nice. Arendelle is the nicest. I mean, not _the_ nicest. I am sure wherever you are from is nicer. Where are you from?"

He barely moved to look at her, but Anna's body coiled like he was about to pounce.

"I was born here." The sound of his voice skated down her spine like ice.

"Oh. So - okay - but you don't live here anymore, right? Because otherwise you would be ambassador-ing to your own country." The nails of her good hand dug into her palm. What on earth was she saying?

"Oh, I haven't lived here in some time, but I never like to say that it may not happen again."

Then there it was. That predatory smile spread across his lips and it was all she could do not to run. She thought of warmth, of chocolate, of Kristoff, and held on to brave.

"Yeah? Well that is nice." Was it? Anna was fairly certain it wasn't nice at all. "Arendelle is nice." Now she was repeating herself.

Where was Elsa?

She bit her lip. She stopped. She tapped her foot. She stopped. She fingered the folds of her skirt. She stopped.

She thought of Kristoff and -

"Have you ever harvested ice?"

Then the wolf came back, his teeth shining in response to her question, and Anna never wanted to take something back as much as she did right then.

"Ah, my dear, ice happens to be my specialty."

**o000o**

Elsa stood in the hallway around the corner from the north parlor. She breathed, trying to keep frost from lining each exhale, and she never should have sent Anna in there but she needed time. She'd never met an ambassador that didn't wave his colors for the world to see and the idea of meeting one that didn't made her stomach tighten. Something wasn't right and she needed time to collect her thoughts. Besides, a queen never hurried to meet anyone, and she wasn't going to change that tradition now. That being true, Anna had been alone with their guest for almost half an hour and Elsa had no idea what kind of damage she would have to undo in the wake of her sister's uncensored visit.

She clenched every muscle in her body, took a deep breath, and turned the corner.

The hallway looked the same as it did every other time she walked down it. Portraits of dead royalty hung on the walls, antiques stayed stoic in appropriate places, but there at the door to the north parlor was a familiar face she had not expected to see.

 _One, two, three, four_ \- she counted the steps that lead her towards the door and the man that guarded it. _Five, six, seven, eight -_ she'd spent days with him and she still had no idea what his name was.

"Captain." She acknowledged him as she approached.

"Your Majesty." He bowed at the waist.

"I assume Princess Anna has not been too much of a burden to look after since our return." Small talk because the idea of going in through that door was horrifying and he has such a warm face.

"Of course not, Your Majesty." He doesn't quite look at her, and Elsa tried to not to let it bother her.

After all, she didn't even know his name.

She was going to speak, to fill the void with something substantial, but there is a flurry at the opposite end of the hall and their eyes whip towards the menace.

It was Kai, walking as quickly as he could without running, and holding something tight in his two hands.

"Your Majesty," Kai was so out of breath when he reached them that Elsa though he may pass out. "I have taken the liberty to bring your great grandmother's crown until yours can be remade."

Kai held out a velvet wrapped wad in her direction and she hesitated. Then gloved fingers moved to pull back fabric and something beautiful glistened underneath. She'd seen this tiara before in the portraits that lined the walls. It was more elaborate than the simple comb crown she'd been bestowed at her coronation. It was a symphony of blue topaz, sapphire, and diamond in patterns that made Elsa think of the curse in her bones, but it was beautiful.

"Thank you, Kai." Elsa said. "It will do nicely."

It would have to.

She ducked her head to allow the stubby butler to place the new crown on her head and she felt the weight of it in more ways than one. When she straightened she felt the eyes of both men on her pressed down her need to conceal. People could look at her now. They _should_ look at her. She pulled back her shoulders and held in the winter. There was no hiding anymore, not now, not ever. She was the queen. She was _their_ queen and she is not allowed to hide anymore.

"Open the doors." She said, but didn't mean it.

She wondered if she'd ever meant anything less in her life.


	9. Chapter 9

Elsa remembered the steady tone of her papa's voice - _conceal, don't feel, don't let it show_ \- and the stern affection in his hazel eyes. Eyes that she thought she had lost forever. Except here they were in the north parlor, but they did not belong to her father. They belonged to a stranger.

 _How could_ this _man have_ those _eyes?_

Her curse hummed through her blood.

Anna jumped up when Elsa entered, a little too quickly, but Elsa barely noticed. She was too busy trying to press down her growing need to send frost crawling over the walls because this stranger was not strange with the way he carried himself, the shock of too-white hair, _those eyes -_

"Elsa - er - Queen Elsa," Anna stumbled. "This is Dedrik of - uh - well he never said, but he was born here."

Elsa nodded. The weight of her crown made the task more pronounced, made it matter more, and she felt the weight of it like a ton of bricks. The stranger, ambassador, _Dedrik_ , stood and bowed in return. The way he moved was liquid, dripping malcontent into Elsa's mind.

"Welcome to Arendelle." Elsa heard the words escape her mouth, and she did not know how she found them, especially since she didn't mean a single one. "What brings you to our fair kingdom?"

"To meet the new queen, most certainly, and to extend her the wish of a prosperous reign." He was calm, collected, and he made Elsa feel anything but.

"I see." She didn't. "I assume by your visit now that you missed my coronation." And everything there after she hoped.

"Ah, sadly, yes. Bad weather, don't you know."

Elsa looked at Anna to find her sister already looking at her, good hand clenched in her skirts, and, despite everything, she knew they were both thinking the same thing. _How much did he know?_

"I am so sorry to hear that." She looked back at Dedrik. "We're experiencing an unprecedentedly mild summer. One of my favorite things about Arendelle is that the mountains and fjords surrounding us fortify our kingdom against many unwanted advances - including harsh weather." Hard words with a polite smile. She wasn't scared of him. Queens were not afraid. "Where did you say you were from?"

"I didn't say." He smiled, a clear approval of her posturing, and Elsa's stomach tightened. "I had rather hoped to leave this out of the conversation until a bit later as you see the _why_ of my being here is much more important than from _where_ I came."

"That doesn't even make any sense." It was Anna now, her brow furrowed. "What kind of ambassador isn't from any -" Elsa shot her sister a look and Anna caught herself. "- way, who cares? I am sure it is perfectly boring anyway."

Elsa cleared her throat and looked back at the stranger.

"Then I am sure it would please tell us to know _why_ you are here."

His lips pulled back again, that awful baring of teeth, and _those eyes_ -

"I am afraid my reason is as plain as it is not simple." He said. "I seek absolution."

**o000o**

Kristoff hadn't meant to leave in the middle of the next day. He had planned on staying for a while, letting the cares of the world be buried beneath the frantic affection of his family, but it was clear that he would get no such rest here. Now that Grand Pabbie had talked to him, he knew that Bulda would be next and he was never going to be ready for that.

The only solution was to keep moving. There were other ways he could distract himself, even if he couldn't think of any right then. After all, ignoring was always better than confronting. It had always worked for him in the past.

He packed up his camp, hitched Sven to the sleigh, then snaked his way through the minefield of sleeping trolls until he found who he was looking for.

He nudged the mossy mound with his foot, once, twice, until the ball uncurled. Grand Pabbie blinked against the summer sun. Kristoff held a finger to his lips and the old troll nodded. This wasn't the first time this had happened and they both knew there was no need to wake the others.

Carefully they stepped through the scattered trolls until they made it far enough away that they wouldn't bother anyone.

"I - uh - I have to go." Kristoff scratched the back of his neck.

"All right." Grand Pabbie nodded.

"If you could tell ma that it may be awhile before I come back - I'd appreciate it."

"Of course."

"Thanks."

Kristoff waited because leaving was never this easy, even with just Grand Pabbie, and especially not after an exchange like last night. There was always some sort of hullabaloo, but not now. Grand Pabbie sat silently, looking up at him like he was waiting for him to walk out of his life forever and _what the hell - ?_

"You're not even going to ask where I'm going?" It wasn't that he wanted a fight, but that he needed one.

"Where are you going?" Grand Pabbie asked and it only made him angrier.

He didn't want cooperation. He wanted a reason to stay away. Why couldn't one thing - just _one_ thing - work out the way he wanted? He forked fingers through his hair, pulling tangled ends, because feeling anything else was too much.

"I don't know. Away. Far."

"I see. How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know."

"Will you be back for the younglings crystal ceremony?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want me to keep asking you questions?"

"I _don't_ know."

"What _do_ you know?"

" _I don't know!"_ Kristoff yelled because the fact that Grand Pabbie's voice was so calm drove him crazy, but he'd pushed for this. "Look. I'm sorry. I don't know. I just don't know."

"I understand." Grand Pabbie smiled his saddest, wisest smile and Kristoff felt like he was dying.

"I'm sorry I don't know I just -" He wants to curl up and disappear. "I just need to be gone for a while. Tell ma I am sorry."

"There is nothing for which you need to apologize."

"Yeah. Yeah there is." He sighed and the world hadn't been this heavy in a while.

"It will all come around in good time, son. Do not rush yourself."

"Yeah. Okay." He won't rush himself, but he won't believe Grand Pabbie either. The world wasn't kind enough to believe that. "Thanks Grand Pabbie."

He turned to go, resolved that he'd said everything he needed to, but found it impossible to ignore one thought wriggling in the back of his brain. He turned back and saw the oldest troll watching him with a look so open Kristoff almost turned and ran. Instead:

"Actually," Kristoff kicked the toe of his boot against a protruding root. "Could you do me one favor?"

**o000o**

Anna didn't understand. She didn't understand why her sister wasn't kicking this weirdo out of Arendelle or what he meant by wanting absolution. This wasn't a church and Elsa wasn't a priestess and Anna was growing more and more sure by the second that this guy was no ambassador. She had wanted to kick him out the door from the first time she laid eyes on him.

Literally.

Well.

Not quite literally.

It wasn't the very first second she laid eyes on him, but pretty close, but she totally meant the kick part in the most literal sense.

That was why Anna was glad that Elsa was queen and not her. Elsa was good at this stuff - politics. Anna was good at - well - not politics, but gifted politician or no, she knew this guy was weird. And to be honest, Anna had had quite enough weird in the last two weeks to last her a lifetime.

"I'm sorry. I am afraid I do not understand." Elsa said, and Anna was right there with her.

"Then perhaps this will help you understand." He reached into his jacket and withdrew a tattered envelope.

He extended it to Elsa. She took it in her gloved hands, and opened the brittle paper. Anna scooted over to her sister's side, trying to not be obvious, but failing. She peered over Elsa's shoulder at the ornate scrawl and -

" _Banished?"_ She said as immediately as she realized she should have stayed quiet. She didn't even need Elsa's sharp look. "I mean - banished. Wow. That's rough."

Anna would have apologized more sincerely. She really would have, but there was no way she could when this stranger stood there with a snarl. Her breath caught on the fragment of a memory - _she just wanted to show her papa how long she could hold her breath, but there was a wolf prowling the halls -_ but it was gone as soon as it had appeared.

Elsa's voice snapped her back to the present.

"This decree was issued by my grandfather, but he failed to state the nature of your cause of banishment."

 _Treason, high treason, theft from the crown, murder, defamation of Arendelle..._ Anna's mind ticked off the reasons she'd learned for banishment, but none of them made like sharing space with this creep any more.

"Ah. Yes. That." He looked out the window towards the north mountain and Anna did not like the way his nose hooked. Every new thing she noticed about the man was a new reason to dislike him. "Well you see that is a rather long story."

"I see. That is a shame as I am supremely busy at the moment and have no time for such things." Elsa folded the paper and returned it to it's envelope. "Captain!"

The heavy door swung open and the officer stepped in. Anna jumped at its suddenness. Dedrik saw it, obvious glee at her nerves, and there was _that smile_. She stood up straighter

"Yes, My Queen?" The captain said.

"This man is under a sentence of banishment from our kingdom. Somehow he has found his way back within our borders and he is about to give me a _very_ short reason as to why his new address should not be made of stone walls and metal bars."

Elsa looked at the stranger, and Anna was sure glad that look was not directed at her. Chills shot down her spine regardless and Anna hoped her sister's gaze would freeze the creep to solid ice.

It didn't.

Maybe next time.

"Very well then." Dedrik's lips pressed a thin line, but he did not seem afraid. Anna did not like the wheels she saw turning in his head. Nope. Not at all. "Again - I was hoping for slightly better circumstances by which to share this information."

"We have had some unfortunate experiences with _ambassadors_ lately," or just one slimey, good-for-nothing, low-life, heart-breaking prince. Anna missed Kristoff. "So you will understand that we are taking every precaution. Our apologies for the inconvenience."

Anna knew Elsa well enough to know Elsa didn't mean that apology at all. Anna liked that.

"Of course, my dear Queen," he extended a hand, but Elsa did not take it. Anna knew she wouldn't - and not just because she could freeze him to death but because he was a freaking weirdo. Gah – why hadn't Elsa kicked him out or thrown him in jail or something?

Seriously.

"Speak." Elsa seemed as unimpressed with his dramatics as Anna was.

He sighed and drew his hand back to his side.

"You see - ah my dear girls - I am your uncle."

**o000o**

"You're _what?_ "

Elsa heard Anna's question, but it may as well have been hers. Except it wasn't. Because she could never ask something so bold, so brash, so _free -_

She blinked once. Twice. There was _no way._

"Excuse me, but I am afraid you must be mistaken." Her brain raced through royal genealogies, all bloodlines and heritage, but there were no uncles.

"I know how this may seem but there is no mistake."

"We have no uncle. We never have." She was sure of it. Wasn't she?

"I know this must come as a shock. I wanted to come earlier - to try to make amends. I would have come as soon as I heard of your parent's fate, but I knew as long as the gates remained shut I had no chance of an audience."

Why oh why had she ever opened up the gates?

Anna snorted.

"If we had an uncle, we would know about it. There would have been record of you _somewhere_. _Someone_ would have told us. Right, Elsa?"

Elsa didn't have a chance to answer.

"Told you of a royal banishment? Oh no, my dear. It _never_ does to speak of such things and it most certainly does not make it in the royal historian's books. Wouldn't want to leave a blemish on the family name - don't you know?"

Elsa did know. She knew the fear of being a blemish far too well, but that didn't mean anything here. That didn't make this stranger her uncle even with _those_ eyes.

"Have you any proof?" Elsa felt Anna's eyes boring into her, needing her to figure this out, to make a decision, but this was all so confusing.

"Only my word and -" Dedrik's mouth was open to speak, but he was cut off by another voice.

"Oh _there_ you two are! I have been looking for you both everywhere. Did you know that Sven isn't in the stables or the - oh. A guest!" Olaf wobbled into the center of the conversation.

Dedrik's eyes shot wide, but not in the horror she'd come to expect, and somehow that just made Elsa feel worse.

"Hi. I'm Olaf!" He looked around the tense group. "Oh. Is this one of those 'bad times'?"

**o000o**

"Where should we go now, old buddy?" Kristoff patted Sven's back before climbing up in the wagon.

_Arendelle._

Sven turned back to look at Kristoff.

"No."

_Why not?_

"Because that is a bad idea."

_Why?_

"You know why."

_Yeah, but I think it is a worse idea to not go._

Kristoff sighed.

"Sven..."

_I'm just saying._

"Well stop saying, would ya?" Kristoff took up the reins. "There is that fishing village two days east of here. Let's go there."

**o000o**

"It is _alive_." Dedrik's eyes fixed on the tottering snowman.

"Uh-" Anna looked to Elsa vibrating next to her and okay - maybe she should answer this one. "This is Olaf."

She bit her tongue against further explanation. She would never say more to him than was strictly necessary.

Not ever.

"Where did he come from?" He pushed his hand beneath Olaf's flurry, catching some flakes on his palm.

Olaf scooted back. "Whoa mister. I don't even know you." He reached his twiggy arms up overhead like he could brush away the invasion.

"Oh of course. My apologies, _Olaf_."

Dedrik bowed a parody and Olaf pressed back in attempts of escaping Dedrik's reach. Anna felt the cold of Olaf's flurry brush up against her skirt. It felt remarkably like the chills racing down her back,

"Why did he say my name so weird?" Olaf's whisper was anything but subtle. "Who is this guy?"

If that wasn't the question of the hour.

"He is an ambassador." _Or a crazy person. Or our uncle_ \- she almost added, but you never told Olaf anything you didn't want the whole kingdom to know.

The kingdom wasn't ready for news like this.

 _Anna_ wasn't ready for news like this.

She'd spent hours conversing with dead ancestors lining the walls, and now she was just supposed to believe that this guy was her family? Nope. No way. No how.

"Ri-ight." Olaf nodded, sizing up the stranger in front of him. "Well – wish I could stay," a bald faced lie, "but I think this is _not_ the best time for me to be here. So I'll just be going." Olaf walked as he talked, heading backwards towards the door like he didn't trust the stranger enough to show his back. "Just let me know if you see Sven. I found a way to get him more carrots."

Olaf disappeared into the hall without waiting for a response and Anna was glad because she could not explain yet why Sven wasn't in the barn.

Not now when it was all so fresh.

"Your cold friend, Olaf, where exactly did he come from?" Dedrik asked like he had the right to be here and ask questions. Like he had the right to interrupt her personal sadness.

He didn't. He had no rights here. Anna held onto that.

"Where exactly did _you_ come from?" Not exactly mature, but honest, because politics made Anna's head hurt.

Dedrik chuckled in the face of her bravado and Anna, who had never truly hated anything in her life, hated that sound.

"I've already told you. I come from Arendelle, the same as you."

"But you were kicked out – _banished_ – so you don't really get to say that anymore."

"But it is still where I am from."

"Except you aren't. You are just banished from here. You aren't from here. You aren't our uncle. We don't have an uncle." Anna reached over and touched her sister's shoulder because, no matter what, Elsa was her family. This man was not. "We would know. Someone would have told us. Our parents would have told us."

"So your beloved parents never told you a lie? Never kept something from you so crucial it made you wonder if they ever told you the truth at all?"

Anna's stomach tightened at the question and her gaze flickered to her hand on her sister's shoulder. It had been a secret to keep her safe. Why was everyone in her life so obsessed with keeping her safe? Regardless, she still trusted them a heck of a lot more than she trusted this weirdo.

"No." She raised her chin. She loved the pinched look that came on his face at her defiance.

"Enough." Anna startled at her sister's voice. "You have no right to come in here, make such egregious claims, and insult us. We have no time for this and I will not stand for it another moment." Elsa jerked her hand and the captain was at Dedrik's side in an instant. "Now I will give you one final chance to tell me why you are here or, so help me, I will take nothing but pleasure in making your banishment seem like a luxury tour."

Anna didn't even try to hide her smile.

**o000o**

_I miss Anna._

"Seriously, you need to stop."

_But I do. I miss her._

The wagon rattled along the path and Kristoff sighed.

"Yeah. Me, too."

**o000o**

Elsa fought her curse as the fear mounted in her throat.

 _Olaf. Oh gods..._ but Dedrik did not flinch or scream or panic like she was expecting. On the contrary, he seemed all too interested in the toddling snowman, and that made Elsa uncomfortable.

The tremors of ice through her blood clattered in her ears and she had to control it. She had to pull it back deep inside because she didn't know what this man knew. Even after seeing Olaf - he may not know she was the source - and she'd like to keep it that way. At least for a few more moments.

Elsa saw Olaf go, a welcome exit, but this stranger looked at her in a way that said his lack of horror had nothing to do with curiosity. It had everything to do knowledge, like he knew _so much more_ than she could imagine, and that made her curse surge. Every muscle in her body tightened to keep her from exploding. The pressure was unbearable, icicles stabbing through her chest, but then a hand pressed onto her shoulder.

It was Anna.

The warmth of her sister's hand bled into her body and sparked something inside of Elsa. _Anna_. Despite it all, Anna was here. Anna never doubted her. Anna loved her even if she could never love herself.

Her love was enough.

The curse receded.

Her strength swelled.

She spoke out. Words bubbled up from her within her. Her captain moved. _Her captain?_ No. _The_ captain moved.

Dedrik smiled his bone chilling smile like the idea of a ranking guardsman by his side was a kind of homecoming.

He looked Elsa dead in the eye and: "You remind me so much of your father."

A frigid gust tore through the room. The ancient missive crumpled in her hands, but Elsa would not play into his games.

"That was not the question." Elsa said.

Dedrik stared at her like he was tripping tumblers, trying to unlock her, to find just the right way to unravel her. He wouldn't get far, but Elsa knew he'd never stop trying. He sighed and smoothed back his shock of ice white hair.

"Very well then." He reached into his suit coat once more, pulled out much newer pieces of parchment, and extended them to Elsa. "Here is what I hope to be my absolution and once and for all prove my loyalty to the kingdom of Arendelle."

Elsa took them alongside the previous page in her hand. She felt Anna edge closer to look over her shoulder.

"It is a draft of a letter from King Petter of the Southern Isles to the Duke of Weselton." He nodded to the missive.

Elsa felt Anna's hand clench her shoulder as tight as her heart clenched in her chest at the mention of the Southern Isles. It took concerted effort to keep her fingers from trembling as they opened the pages and double that effort to focus on the tight scrawl. The words swam, but what she made out was enough to send ice crackling across the floor beneath her skirts. She looked up from the page to the man who stood there with the same unnerving calm he had when she first walked in the door and saw _those_ eyes. He didn't quite wear a smile, but the way his lips curled made Elsa think he had her right where he wanted her. Maybe he did. She suppressed a shiver.

"It is a list of munitions." She stated the fact because she could not bring herself to voice the implication.

"Yes. It is."

"Why have you brought me this?" She knew why, but she needed to hear him say it. She needed him to confirm the worst that she knew lurked on the pages yet unread.

"As offering of allegiance in hopes that all past ills could be forgotten. I regret however that it could not be on happier terms."

Anna peered over Elsa's shoulder in attempts to see what the fuss was about.

"So they are comparing munitions. So what?" Anna said and the air hummed with her question.

"The reason they are comparing munitions is because they are preparing for war." He said. "And Arendelle is their target."


	10. Chapter 10

"War? With Arendelle? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Arendelle doesn't go to war."

The thrum of the curse in Elsa's blood made Anna's voice sound like Elsa was underwater. Maybe she was. That would explain why she felt like she was drowning.

"Well it seems that whatever happened at the coronation left quite the impression on your guests. Especially the youngest prince of The Southern Isles. Do you recall Prince Hans? He sends his regards."

Anna's fingers were talons in Elsa's shoulder. Elsa raised her hand to stop the outburst before it started. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Anna's tight expression, like holding back words physically hurt her, but now was not the time to show their cards.

No. Now was time for the most utmost discretion. Especially since if this man had spoken to Hans since the coronation then he had to know about - well - everything _a_ nd that changed - well - _everything._

Elsa needed time to think, but she had none with this man watching her with those eyes that should have been plucked out by fish and icicles piercing her insides.

She would have to make time.

"Captain," she should know his name by now. "See that this man is secured until I have time to evaluate the legitimacy of his claims."

"Immediately, My Queen." He gripped Dedrik's arm.

"Before you decide my fate, you may want to spend some time in the royal library." Dedrik spoke as the captain led him from the room without resistance. "Something tells me you will find The Canterbury Tales quite enlightening."

He flashed his teeth as he passed, and Elsa pivoted to keep him in sight. This was not the kind of man you showed your back.

"And Captain," Elsa said, pointedly ignoring Dedrik, and her - no - the officer paused. "Make sure he speaks to no one until I have time to get to the bottom of this."

A ghost of a smile, so faint Elsa wondered if it was really there, and then: "It will be my pleasure, My Queen."

The door opened.

The door shut.

**o000o**

Anna was rarely speechless, but the mention of Hans tied her tongue into knots. She felt words pile up in her throat, but there was nowhere for them to go. Elsa held up her hand, a gesture for silence, and Anna wished she could tell her sister it wasn't needed.

What could she possibly say anyway?

She'd hoped Hans was way too rotting in prison or way too dead or way too something awful to be sending any kind of anything to anyone, but he wasn't. He was out there in the world sending regards like he hadn't tried to kill her sister _and_ her _and_ take over their kingdom. The reality made her angry. No. Terrified. No. Angrified. Wait - what?

The shutting of the door jerked her back to the present.

Elsa was staring at the door through which Dedrik disappeared. If it wasn't for the shallow rise and fall of her chest, Anna could have believed her frozen solid. Wait. Could that happen? Could Elsa freeze the same way she froze her?

Anna shivered and gripped her bad arm. It was probably best not to think about that.

"So..." she tried to untie her tongue, to rupture the tension that hung in the air. "That was - weird."

She laughed, but the sound of it died on her lips when Elsa turned and looked at her. Her expression was grim.

"We need to find that book."

**o000o**

Kristoff fingered the strings of his lute. It had been a week since he'd played. Sven trotted along at a steady pace and he _could_ play. He often did at times like this, but today he just couldn't.

Something told him that would be the case tomorrow as well.

**o000o**

Elsa ran thin fingers over thick volumes. There were so many books. So, so many. Had she even touched a quarter of them in her lifetime? An eighth?

She pulled out a text. The title wasn't on the binding. She checked inside for an inscription.

"This is crazy. Elsa. Do you hear me? Crazy. This is crazy and let's face it, I basically know everything about crazy." Anna stood at the bottom of the library ladder, bad arm keeping her from doing much more than talking. "I mean, I swear I've read every book in this place and there are zero mentions of a psycho banished uncle who is apparently BEST friends with EVERYONE in the Southern Isles."

Elsa went up a row.

"Seriously. This guy has been hanging out with evil incarnate for how many years? Probably like our whole lives. Now he just shows up and we are supposed to be okay with that?"

Dust tickled Elsa's nose the higher she climbed. She reached for another volume.

"You know what we should do? We should burn the book when we find it. Yeah. Burn it! And then give the creep to ashes and be all like - ha! What are you going to do now with your dumb mysterious book? Elsa. Are you even listening to me?"

Truth be told, Elsa was not listening. Bits and pieces floated in, but nothing stuck. She was too busy searching.

"Elsa?"

"I'm sorry. Were you saying something?" Elsa only half asked because Anna was always saying something.

"Dedrik. You. The book. The CRAZY. Seriously, nothing?" Anna sighed. "What exactly do you think you will find in this dumb book anyway?"

It was a fair question, but Elsa wasn't sure. She knew what she _wanted_ to find, but she had no idea if that was what she _would_ find.

"Answers." She flipped open more pages to find nothing.

Somewhere she was sure Dedrik was laughing.

"Elsa -"

Anna was cut off by the library doors opening.

 _Open doors were supposed to make things easier, not more difficult._ A fleeting thought, but it rung loudly.

It was Kai. His appearance uncreased and attentive as always, but perspiration clung to his balding scalp. His breaths were quick and uneven.

"Your Majesties," he bowed.

"Are you all right? You're bright red." Anna asked as Elsa descended the ladder.

"Yes, thank you Princess." He bowed again, looking like he may pass out.

"Please sit down." Anna gestured to a chair as Elsa reached the ground.

"Thank you Princess, but I will be - uh - just fine." Propriety over comfort and Elsa swooped in before Anna physically forced Kai down into a chair.

"What is it, Kai?" Elsa moved close to the man and her sister.

"There is some - uh - one here to see you, Your Highness."

Kai's eyes were wide - almost spooked. More bad news? She couldn't bear it. The temperature dropped. _No more visitors_. _No more open doors._

"Who is it?"

The door cracked open on cue. Olaf tottered in with a giggle, waving his twigs in excitement.

"Anna! Oh. Good. I am so glad I found you. Look who has come for a visit!"

**o000o**

_This is different, you know, than the last time._

"I told you I don't want to talk about this." Kristoff bit off a mouthful of carrot.

 _Last time, she picked someone else. You didn't stand a chance._ Crunch, munch, crunch. _Anna didn't pick anyone else._

"You are almost as excellent at making me feel better as you are at listening to me. Remind me why I share my carrots with you?"

_All I'm saying is this time is different than last time._

" _That_ is all you are saying? Huh. Great. Really nice."

_Well it is. Different._

"Yeah. Different like this time she is a princess and if I wanted to see her again I would have to storm an entire castle by myself."

_I'd help._

A sound between a chuckle and a groan and then: "Thanks, buddy."

**o000o**

Elsa's breath stuttered.

She suddenly understood Kai's behavior, though for quite different reasons.

The only other time she'd seen that face she had been young and terrified. Now she was older, wiser, more in control, but no less terrified than she had been that night long ago. She'd spent every day since then trying to forget the incident, but having him here brought it all crashing back. She exhaled; breath lined with frost, and tried her best to repress her instinct to run.

"Grand Pabbie!"

Anna's face broke into a smile as she greeted the old troll the way Elsa could not.

"Your Majesties." Grand Pabbie bowed and Anna knelt before him.

"What are you doing here?" Anna asked, extending her hand to take his.

"He came to visit!" Olaf clapped his hands together, but Elsa knew trolls didn't come to visit. There were reasons. No one came for nothing. _That_ would be simple.

Grand Pabbie clasped her hand between his and paused. He looked past Anna to where Elsa stood behind him. Their eyes met. Where Elsa expected judgment – disappointment, she only saw sad understanding.

"I am here for both of you." He patted Anna's hand.

Anna looked at Elsa over her shoulder, following Grand Pabbie's gaze, and frowned when she looked back at the troll.

"Oh. So –you've met Elsa?"

A pause. Elsa shook her head. No - she hadn't told Anna about that night that changed The Before into The After. No one had. It was better that way.

"Once. Quite a long time ago." He looked from Elsa to Anna, but did not elaborate. The story was not his to tell.

"Okay...?" Anna was asking, but knew she wouldn't get an answer. She moved on. "So to what do we owe this occasion?"

Elsa breathed in. Elsa breathed out.

Anything had to be better than war.

"Kristoff sent me."

Elsa stopped breathing.

Anything but that.

**o000o**

Dedrik wouldn't call the cell they put him in spacious. He wouldn't call it comfortable, or nice. He wouldn't even call it livable, but he would call it part of the plan.

Yes. Everything was going just fine.

**o000o**

Anna felt her heart squeeze and explode and plummet and soar and break all at once. She knew that none of that was possible, especially all at the same time, but that is what it felt like. It felt like the entire world came to a screeching halt and it was all she could do not to fall into a million billion pieces at the sound of his name. Kristoff had sent him? Was Kristoff okay? Did he need something? Was he coming to see her? Was he not?

She might throw up.

"What?" A whisper in the midst of thunder.

"Kristoff sent me." Grand Pabbie repeated, squeezing her hands and giving her a smile that told her he knew too much. "I heard some things have been broken." He nodded to her arm, but that wasn't all he meant.

Her eyes burned.

"Well – yeah." The tight sling kept her from shrugging, so she just rolled one shoulder. "What gave that away?" That wasn't the question she wanted to ask.

"Do you mind if I…?"

He took a crystal from his neck and held it towards her broken arm. She shook her head 'no', understanding but not, and watched the crystal glow bright as he brought it close to the break. Her arm felt warm, a rush of energy pulsed into her system, and she wondered if he could fix her heart the same way he fixed her bones. _He could_ , she thought. _All it would take is the right words._

But she didn't dare speak, didn't dare ask for those words. Grand Pabbie's eyes were closed, his hands focused on her arm, and it wasn't the time. Not yet. A few more moments. She stayed as still as she ever had in her life. After a bit, the crystal stopped glowing. Grand Pabbie lowered his hands, opened his eyes, and looked at her. Now or never.

"When you say Kristoff sent you – uh – did you mean he sent you and he is coming back soon or – uh – what?" She couldn't give voice further to the 'or'.

She felt Elsa's gaze bore into the back of her head.

She saw the sadness etch new lines on the stone face in front of her.

"Anna." Grand Pabbie took her hand once more. "Your arm still needs time to heal. Keep it in the sling for a few more days, but you should find that it heals much more quickly than it would have before."

That wasn't what she asked. It wasn't even close.

"And Kristoff?" She tries to inhale but cannot. Where had all the air gone?

"He is on another path at the moment."

She didn't understand. There were paths? What paths? Could she get on a path?

"I don't… Is he coming back here? To see me?" Her words bled hope.

Grand Pabbie looked past her again, to Elsa, and it didn't take a genius to fit the pieces together.

"I'm afraid that is not the path he is on at this time."

Grand Pabbie let go of her hand and she felt a new part of herself break.

**o000o**

She'd only seen her sister this still two other times, both of which involved her curse, and that comparison did not help ease her nerves. Winter sparked underneath her gloves, itching to escape, but that was what landed her in this situation in the first place. She clenched her teeth.

"I've come a long way. My purpose is not yet complete, but I am afraid healing is not as easy as it once was. I need rest." Grand Pabbie's stone shoulders sagged.

"Of course you do." Elsa knew what to do with this. Polite was easy. She looked for Kai, but he was nowhere to be found. He must have slipped out in the commotion. "I'll have a room made for you immediately."

"No. No room." Grand Pabbie shook his head. "I need to be connected to the earth. A corner of your garden would more than suffice."

"I know just the place!" It was Olaf, eyes wide, arms open. "There is a fountain and some ducks and one of the best bushes I have ever seen. You'll love it. I swear." He looked at Elsa. "Can I take him? Can I? Please?"

"It is up to our guest." Elsa's gaze flickered to Anna. She still hadn't moved.

"That would be perfect, Olaf." He said before looking at Elsa. "I have much to speak with you about. I will be back when I am rested." He reached out a hand and brushed Anna's cheek. "Take heart, young one. Life has a way of correcting itself."

Anna didn't flinch at his touch, didn't respond to his farewell, and Elsa felt something tight and dark in her chest.

Grand Pabbie followed Olaf out the door, discreet as a troll and snowman could be, and were gone. Then it was just the two of them again. Sisters. Queen and princess. There were so many places where the two relationships did not intersect.

"When you talked to Kristoff," Anna stayed on the floor, facing away from Elsa, like moving would shatter her. "What exactly did you say to him?"

Elsa swallowed. She had said what needed to be said. Kristoff had even seemed to understand. Elsa knew Anna would not.

"Anna..." She couldn't say more.

Anna turned on her knees like she didn't trust herself to stand. Her eyes were wide with unshed tears.

"When you talked to Kristoff - did you -" she blinked and looked at the ceiling, the words impossible. "What did you say?"

Anna looked back at Elsa, and Elsa saw what was really being asked, but she couldn't answer that question..

"Kristoff and I came to an agreement." It was the best she could do. All of this was the best she could do, but that wasn't enough. She wasn't enough.

"An agreement like where he would come back to me? Because he has to come back." Panic seeped in around the edges of Anna's voice. "I didn't ever ask what you said to him because _I knew_ that you would tell him to leave me. I knew you would never tell him to leave me because that would hurt me and you love me and you don't hurt the people you love. You just don't. Ever. Not on purpose. I mean - seriously - what did you say to him?"

The question hung in the air along with Anna's vibrating energy. Elsa pressed out a frosted breath.

"I do not want to hurt you - ever." It's the political answer - the diplomatic one - because Anna was right. You don't hurt the people you love and the truth, though designed to protect her, would crush her.

"Right. Right. I know that." Anna didn't pause to think before she answered. She never did. "But you talked to him last back at the - you know." Anna rose, wheels churning. "So did he say anything about a path or - you know - not coming back? Did he say that he - what did he say?"

_I care about her, you know. I may not have much to offer, but I do care about her - if that counts for anything._

The words rang as clear in Elsa's mind as the moment he first spoke them, but they didn't count. They couldn't. That was not how it worked. It was not what Anna needed to hear.

"He said -" She took a deep breath before she spoke because this changed things. "He said that he is an iceman."

It was the truth, but not all of it.

Anna looked like she expected Elsa to add to that statement, but she didn't. Elsa stood still, trying to not look rigid, but knowing she failed. Anna looked at her. Red head tilted to the side, brow crinkled, and Elsa watched as understanding washed over her sister's expression.

"He is an iceman." Anna said, voice cracking. "And I am sure that you had no problem reminding him of that."

"Anna -" Elsa jumped in because that wasn't fair - but it was. She took a step towards Anna but her sister was already moving towards the door - far out of reach. "Anna, wait. Please. I can explain!"

But it was clear Anna did not want an explanation. Elsa knew the feeling well – a family trait? Anna did, however, pause with a hand on the library door knob. Elsa saw Anna's body shake, a mirror of Elsa's insides.

"I'll always love you Elsa, but right now I - I don't like you. Even a little!"

The door opened.

The door shut.

Maybe closed doors weren't all they were cracked up to be.


	11. Chapter 11

Elsa knocked.

"Anna - please. Let me in."

She hadn't gone after her sister right away. It had taken her a few moments to uproot her feet and follow. By the time she made it to Anna's door, it was long closed.

"Go away!"

It sounded like Anna was crying, but it was difficult to tell through the thick wood. The idea stabbed at Elsa.

"Anna. Please. This is all a misunderstanding."

When Anna did not reply, Elsa pressed her palms against the door and leaned in close to see if she could hear any movement on the other side. All she heard was the crackle of frost creeping across the wood where her breath hit. Her fingers curled into fists and she pounded again.

"Anna!"

There was no reply and Elsa felt her resolve weaken with each moment. Anna wasn't going to open the door. Why would she? Elsa never had.

Elsa turned and slumped against the frosted wood. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and tried to remember just how this terrible day had gotten so out of hand.

"Is everything all right, My Queen?"

Elsa startled, eyes flying open, temperature plummeting, as she jerked away from the door.

She hadn't meant to have anyone see her like that. She hadn't meant to let her guard down and to be so - _weak_. All she had wanted was one moment to catch her breath, but that was time she didn't have.

Her sudden stand to attention caused her head to spin, the world slanted, and she stumbled forward. A strong hand cupped her elbow.

"Do you need the physician, My Queen?"

Her eyes followed the voice and there she found a familiar face. He was closer than she'd ever seen him before. Close enough to see the start of dark stubble on his jaw and to catch the color of his eyes. Gray. They were gray.

"No. Thank you, Captain." She pulled herself upright, horrified at the heat flooding her cheeks. "I am not sure what overcame me, but it is over now. Thank you."

He didn't hurry to release his grip on her elbow and something curled in Elsa's gut. He shouldn't touch her. No one should touch her. It wasn't safe. She wasn't safe. She pulled away.

"If you have come to stand watch over my sister, I am afraid you may not need to." She lifted a hand to shift her crown back to the center of her head. "I do not think anyone will be opening that door for a while."

It was as much of a joke as she dared and pressed a thin smile as the captain's gaze flickered towards Anna's door.

"Actually, My Queen, I came to report that the prisoner is secured until your further instruction." He said. "But I will watch over Princess Anna until her assigned guard arrives."

He stood tall now, at attention. The closeness of earlier gone as he returned to duty. Elsa appreciated the normality of it all but she could still feel the firm press of his fingers on her arm and it was like he was two different people.

"Very good. Thank you," she smiled, and it wasn't as forced as it could have been. "And the prisoner – will he be able to speak to anyone?"

"He is isolated, My Queen."

"Good." Elsa watched as Captain took his place in front of Anna's still-frosted door. His eyes fastened on the opposite wall. "Good."

It was good. It was normal. He had a duty and he filled it. She had a duty and she had yet to complete it. She needed and complete it, but Elsa paused. She had taken a step aside from duty because Anna was important, too. She hadn't expected someone to catch her banging down her sister's door, much less have them stand guard over it before she was entirely finished. Elsa needed her sister to know she hadn't given up on this. She hadn't given up on them. She needed Anna to know.

"If the princess _does_ come out," she spoke louder than necessary. "Please tell her I would like to speak with her."

"Of course, My Queen."

"I will be in the library." A little louder still.

"Very good, My Queen." Not even a flinch.

Elsa stepped past the captain feeling no less than a little silly. She was the queen. Queens didn't go around yelling through doors and blushing in hallways, but today… Today was not an ordinary day.

That was why after a few paces, she turned back over her shoulder.

"And Captain?" Elsa said, gloved hand cupping where his fingers hand pressed moments earlier for reasons she did not want to consider.

"Yes, My Queen?" He looked at her and Elsa felt silly for what she was about to say. This was an officer. It was his job to help her, to protect Arendelle. He didn't expect a pat on the back. He didn't need one, but the words came anyway.

"Thank you."

If he was surprised by her thanks, he didn't show it.

"It is my pleasure, My Queen."

**o000o**

Anna hid her head under her pillow until she was absolutely sure Elsa was gone. This was for two reasons. Reason one was she didn't want Elsa to hear her cry because that would be embarrassing. Reason two was because she didn't want to hear anything Elsa had to say ever again.

Well. Maybe not _ever_ again, but not right now. Not for a while.

When her tears had stopped and she was sure Elsa was gone, she pulled her head out and flopped over onto her back. She stared up at mahogany and gold. It was the same canopy she'd had for as long as she could remember. Ever since she and Elsa had shared this room as children, which was clearly how Elsa still saw her. As a child. She was something to be watched and protected because heaven forbid she make any decision herself or have a life or take a risk.

All the places where Anna had felt sad before now filled with something hotter. Anger, frustration, _hate_ – and those weren't things she felt often, but she felt them now in every crack of her being.

She hated her canopy. She hated her room and the guard she knew was standing out there making sure she didn't make a choice to live her life. She hated snow and she hated ice and she hated Kristoff for not fighting harder. Why hadn't he fought harder? Had he fought at all?

And what in name of Thor did Grand Pabbie mean by a path? Like – was he on a real physical path that was going away from Arendelle? Or a more metaphorical path like was he hanging around, but just not with her? Why couldn't anyone just say what they really meant? Why were there banished uncles and sisters with ice magic and people who say they love you and then don't and people you know love you but won't say it?

She couldn't lay still anymore. The anger made her muscles twitch and burn and she had to do _something_.

She went to her window.

Anna couldn't be one hundred percent sure, but she was fairly certain that if she tried to climb out of her window with only one good arm that she would fall to her death. Since she had already died twice in the last two weeks, she figured she shouldn't press her luck. After all, what if this death stuck?

Third time's the charm, or whatever.

And she didn't want to die. She didn't. Not again. She just could not bear the idea of staying in this castle for one more second if that meant one more second that Kristoff was on a path, physical or metaphorical, that did not bring him back to her.

" _That is not the path he is on at this time._ " Anna said in her best Grand Pabbie voice as she tried to figure out if she could tie her bed sheets together and rappel down the side of the castle without a.) dying and b.) getting caught. Unlikely. "Seriously. Who talks like that?"

She slumped back against the wall beside her window and let out a deep breath. Anger burning itself out and letting sadness creep back in as the fires died.

"Kristoff's family talks like that." She answered her own question and rested her head back on the cool stone. "Kristoff's heavy family."

Why hadn't she run off and locked herself in a room that had food?

She needed a plan that extended beyond vacillating between anger and sadness until the two feelings blended together and she never felt them apart again. She couldn't stay in this room forever. She wasn't Elsa. Escape was not her strongest bet either, but she had to get to Kristoff. She _needed_ to get to Kristoff, and the only way she was going to have any chance of getting to Kristoff was if Elsa let her go.

It wasn't any percentage of plan, but a direction popped into her mind at that moment and Anna knew she wouldn't be running from her problem. No. She would be running into it headlong.

**o000o**

The portrait of her father watched her from its place above the mantle. Those eyes followed her every move and she knew those eyes. She'd trusted those eyes. So why had those same eyes told her to go search for a book that held no meaning to her?

They were different, Dedrik and her father, even if they were brothers. Even if they were the same in shape and color - they were different. Their eyes were not the same because they looked at her differently. No one could ever look at her again the way her father had with that mix of pain, disappointment, and love.

She wasn't sure she ever wanted anyone to.

Dedrik's look, narrow and predatory, was not better, but in some ways it was no worse. At least she hadn't disappointed him. Yet.

The sun was low in the sky as she scoured the endless shelves. She'd thought to enlist Kai or some discreet servants, but even discreet servants talk. The last thing she needed was gossip. She'd do this alone.

She always has.

Then – in the middle of the second to last shelf – she saw the title marked on dusty binding.

_The Canterbury Tales_

It shone gilt in the dying sunlight. Mahogany leather, so warm in color, was cool against her skin.

This was it. The end of what she hoped was some great goose chase.

The book creaked open within her trembling fingers. Inside the front page, in beautiful scrawling letters, was this inscription:

_A gift to the Crown Prince Dedrik of Arendelle_

_From King Stefan of the Southern Isles_

She didn't let the book slip from her numb fingers, but she did slam it shut to keep the traitorous words safe from the snow that began to fall around her.

**o000o**

"He won't be ready. Five days is not enough time. We should have made him send for us before we followed."

"Dedrik said five days, and that is what we give him. We sail at dawn."

"You trust him too much."

"Or maybe you too little."

" _I_ am the one who has been there before. _I_ am the one who knows what we are up against. He is going to need more time."

"You had your turn, little brother. Now we do it his way."

"His way is going to get us killed."

A chuckle.

"No. His way is going to make you a king."

**o000o**

_Burn it!_ Anna had laughed. Elsa didn't think it was such a bad idea now.

She clutched the book to her chest like a shield as she pushed through hallways towards the gardens and replayed the inscription in her mind. _Crown prince, crown prince,_ _ **crown prince…**_. Words which were more than words. If true, those words made him the rightful ruler of Arendelle. It meant that if he hadn't been banished, her father never would have been king and she would never have been queen. Would she even be?

It was too much to consider. One inscription in one book was not enough to unwrite her from history, but still, it gave context. If Dedrik was who he said he was, who this book said he was, someone would remember him. Someone would remember his banishment and she knew who.

The path back to the fountain and the duck pond was winding and beautiful this time of year. Everything was green and full of life and Elsa did not feel welcome. Ice and snow were the enemies of such life and she carried them everywhere she went. She sped up.

Moments later, she found who she was looking for.

Grand Pabbie was curled into a nondescript (or if she knew better, quite descript) boulder beside the duck pond. She approached slowly, unsure exactly how to awaken a troll politely. Once she was close enough, she cleared her throat.

Nothing happened.

She drummed her fingers on the book, and nothing still.

"Grand Pabbie." She said, not too loudly in case anyone could hear her speaking to a rock, but nothing.

Only then did she extend one delicate slipper to prod the stone.

It stirred, rocking before unrolling with a groan.

"Queen Elsa." Grand Pabbie blinked against the dimming light. "I trust you are not visiting to make sure my accommodations are comfortable."

He had a twinkle in his deep eyes and Elsa felt the knot in her gut loosen just a bit.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have woken you. You need your rest." She feels silly for the second time in one day.

"Please, it is no inconvenience. The land here is vibrant. I feel like a troll half my age resting here." He held out a hand towards her. "What is on your mind?"

Elsa looked at the extended hand and hesitated. Gloves or no gloves, she didn't trust herself touching anyone in this state. Instead she uncurled the book from her chest and gave it to the troll. Her heart was in her throat as Grand Pabbie turned the book over in his hands.

"What is this for?" He ran his stony finger over stitches.

"Did my father have a brother?" She had wanted to start with more tact, more grace, but her nerves were shot and it took everything within her to not to crumble with each exhale.

His eyes snapped up to hers, not even having a chance to open the book: "What did you say?"

"Did my father have a brother?" Slower this time because each word weighed a ton and she was fragile now.

The spark in his eye went out and Elsa felt the coil in her stomach pull tight again.

"He did."

It only took two words for the earth to drop out from under her feet. Frost crackled in her fingertips. The temperature dropped and she saw ducks race away from ice spreading across the top of the pond.

"So - the inscription in that book - is it true?" Her voice shook.

Grand Pabbie opened the book and ran fingers over the yellowed pages. She watched, trying to press the storm down inside of her, but she couldn't. Not even one flake.

"Oh Elsa." The troll closed the book and his tone did nothing to soothe her. "This all happened so long ago - fifty years at least."

"But you knew. Others knew. Did my father know?" Maybe, just maybe, he hadn't lied to her for all those years.

"He was young when Dedrik left." Or maybe he did.

"You mean when he was banished."

Grand Pabbie sighed and sat on the ground, like her words were too heavy to stand under. "Banished. Yes. The kingdom was told he died. All record of him was destroyed. It was too painful for your grandfather to have the reminders of his failures."

Elsa trembled. She couldn't stop. It felt like she may fly apart into a million pieces. That man in her prison was her blood. Those eyes were her family's eyes. He was a king - _her_ king.

Or at least he could have been.

"Why was he banished?" Snow collected at her feet.

"We weren't told."

"Of course not. No one was." All so clean and convenient. There was no need to lie if no one knew the truth.

What would she do now? What could she possibly do now? Re-banish him? _Go to war?_ Every part of her ached.

"Why are you asking me this now?"

She didn't say anything. The words were too confusing even now that she knew the truth - or some shadow of it.

"Elsa. Take my hand."

The book was in the building snow beside him now. The terrible words inside being buried under the pristine snow.

"Elsa." The firmness in his tone left little room for questions.

She sank to her knees, a relief, not feeling the cold crush of snow beneath her.

"What am I supposed to do?" She whispered, not sure if there was any answer she could want.

"Give me your hand." He said again and this time she listened.

She rested her fingers on his hard palm. His other hand came up and grasped the tip of her glove and pulled. She grabbed at him.

"No!" Reflexes overriding everything. He couldn't -

"You cannot hurt me, child." He said, and something in his tone made her believe him. After all, she needed to believe someone.

She let go. The glove slipped off her hand. Grand Pabbie's fingers clutched hers and she was five years old again in The Valley of the Living Rock. Warmth unlike anything she ever felt since pulsed into her palm, her body recognizing the incoming magic, and every part of her wanted to panic.

Her curse already filled her blood to the point of bursting. The invasion of this other magic was too much. She couldn't breathe, and she wasn't sure if her heart was going to crush or explode at any moment. It felt like eons, but it was only an instant before Grand Pabbie released her hand and she could breathe again.

"You are so full of fear." He said. "I can feel it in every part of you."

There was no judgment, but Elsa felt his words like a like a death sentence.

"I don't understand." She didn't. "Love thaws. I know that now. I _know_ that." Bile stung the back of her tongue.

Grand Pabbie looked ancient when he met her gaze.

"Knowing in the head and understanding in the heart are different things, Elsa."

She looked for the disappointment. She looked for the signs that she had let him down somehow, but found none. All she found was a strange gentle crease on the corner of his mouth, the crinkle of his eye. _What were those?_

"I - I don't -" She does not want to repeat herself. "What do you mean?"

Grand Pabbie sighed and put his hand on her knee. She couldn't hurt him, but she stiffened at the touch still. What if…?

"You know that love can thaw, but what do you know of love itself?" Grand Pabbie chuckled and she wondered what was funny. "Who do you love, Elsa?"

"Anna." The answer was instant and honest. She had loved Anna as long as she could remember.

"Who else?" He asked and now the question that had been so easy to answer was impossible.

"Who else?" She echoed, hoping for another option.

"Yes. Who else do you love?"

It wasn't a trick, but she'd been riddled by this troll before. Something bitter tightened her throat at the memory.

"My parents." She did. She loved them, but she could tell that was not the answer Grand Pabbie had hoped for.

"What about yourself?"

She hadn't ever considered… "Myself?"

He nodded.

"Elsa, if you do not learn to love and accept who you are and what you can do, you will never be in complete control of your abilities."

There was no blame in his words, but Elsa still felt like she had failed him somehow. She needed to be better. She always needed to be better.

"I don't know how to do that." She whispered, tears burning behind her eyes.

"Yes." Grand Pabbie smiled wider. "Yes, you do."

**o000o**

_If we turned back now, we'd be in Arendelle in less than a day._

Kristoff was trying his best to light a fire and not barbeque his best friend over it.

"And if we get an early start tomorrow, we will be in Farsund before lunch tomorrow."

_But if you just went back to Arendelle…_

"And what? Went up to the castle gates and asked real nice to see the princess they are just going to let me?"

_The castle gates are always open now._

"You're going to nitpick me on this?"

_I just want you to be happy._

Kristoff stopped building the fire and rubbed his friend's neck.

"I want that too, buddy."

**o000o**

It took most of the day in her room and all of the evening to get up the courage she needed. It then took twenty three minutes to make a detour to the kitchen to gobble down whatever they had within reach. When she finally made it to the room down the hall from hers, she could barely breathe.

This was it.

Anna didn't knock. She just took the knob in her hand, twisted, and shoved. The door came open with ease and Anna couldn't help but think of all the times it hadn't.

Elsa was in her bed, long hair braided for sleep, and she jumped at Anna's entrance. A bolt of blue shot from her fingers into the wall across from her and ice climbed like ivy on the stone.

"Anna!" She threw the covers back and swung her feet over the edge of her bed, eye wide with panic. "What are you doing? I could have hurt you!"

"You've already done that a thousand times. I'm over it." Anna said and she was.

Elsa stopped where she was, not leaving her bed, because this was clearly not the Anna she had expected. For the first time, in a long time, Anna felt big in front of her sister.

"Anna, I'm sorry."

"I'll help you."

The words overlapped as they spoke over each other. Neither wanted to waste time, but Anna was not about to let her upper hand be snatched away. She threw manners to the wind and charged ahead.

"I'll help you – with Dedrik and the war and getting all of that sorted out, but after that I am leaving." She held her chin up. "I want to be with Kristoff. I'm going to find whatever path he is on and I'm going to stay on that path with him and if that means I don't get to be a princess anymore then I'm okay with that."

Anna strode over to where her sister lay in her bed with much more confidence than she felt and jumped onto it. Elsa's eyes were as big as moons. Anna flopped onto her back and threw her good arm out wide. She looked up at the blue and white canopy above them because meeting Elsa's gaze was still too difficult right now. Right now she wanted to stay mad and blame Elsa, but that wasn't going to solve her problems. She needed her problems solved because she needed Kristoff. So the middle ground was not looking at Elsa and -

Deep breath and she surged forward before Elsa could recover from her stunned silence: "So –" She shimmied deeper in the cushion of blankets. "How do we get rid of the creep in our dungeon?"


	12. Chapter 12

"So he really is our uncle."

"No. That is not what I am saying."

"But you – what? You just said the book says that Dedrik is our uncle."

"No – the book just says we have an uncle named Dedrik. It doesn't say that the man in our dungeon is the same person."

The sisters both smiled.

**o000o**

Kristoff dreamed again.

He stood at the base of the staircase leading to Elsa's ice palace. The wind bit his face. Shards of ice tore at him.

At the top of stairs was Anna. She saw him, face bright with a smile, and ran down towards him. Six steps in and a gale force blast shot through the air. Anna lost her balance. She fell.

There was no way he could reach her in time.

It was only when Kristoff cradled Anna's lifeless body in his arms, neck bent at an impossible angle, that he looked up to the entrance of the palace.

There stood Elsa – with a smile on her face.

**o000o**

"So the guy in the dungeon might _not_ be our uncle, but we totally have one. An uncle – I mean."

"Yes."

"Yes – what? That we have maybe have an uncle somewhere or that the creep is not family?"

"Both."

A pause.

"You know, I am super glad you are talking to me about this, but I am going to need you to use more than one word sentences."

**o000o**

Time moved slower now. He'd never noticed before Anna, but now moments dragged. He wasn't sure why. He sure as hell wasn't ready to acknowledge that maybe the gaping hole in his chest had something to do with it.

Sven was quick to point it out. It was always _If Anna were here_ this and _If Anna were here_ that. If Anna were here, none of this would be an issue, but she wasn't. She was in Arendelle and he wasn't and life was not fair.

_I don't want to go to Farsund._

"Then don't, but I don't know who else would put up with you besides me." Kristoff swung Sven's tack over his back.

_Anna would._

Kristoff didn't say anything.

_She would!_

"Yeah, Great. Well then maybe you should go live with her instead of with me." Kristoff pulled one of the cinches just a little too tight and Sven shot him a dirty look.

_Or we could just go to Arendelle. Together._

Kristoff sighed because this was, at least, the sixty third time he'd had this conversation.

"I can't go back, buddy."

_You say that, but you're wrong. You are so wrong._

**o000o**

"So the guy in our dungeon _says_ he is our uncle, but he may not be, and we don't really have any way of proving it one way or the other?"

"There is still much work to do, but yes. That is where we are now."

"If you re-banish him, you may be sending away family, but if you _don't_ re-banish him – he is king?"

"He may have claim to the throne, yes."

Anna heaved a sigh.

"This is the worst."

Elsa agreed wholeheartedly.

**o000o**

Farsund was smaller than Kristoff remembered, but it had been years since he'd made tracks in this town. His hand jingled the coins he had in the pouch at his waist and he pulled Sven over to the local pub. After listening to Sven go on about Anna and Arendelle for the last few hours, he deserved a drink.

The pub was dim and dank and there were no tables large enough for spritely princesses to dance upon. In other words it was perfect.

He slid up to the bar.

"Ale." He said, putting a coin on the counter, and the mug appeared a moment later.

Three drinks in and he wasn't relaxed but the tension was gone from his shoulders. He drained the last of his pint and decided it was time to at least figure out what to do for the next night. He didn't need much more of a plan than that. That was one perk of being alone.

He needed to focus on those perks.

The afternoon light was bright. He blinked as he stepped out of the pub and looked to where he'd tied Sven.

He blinked again, but this time had nothing to do with the sun. A young woman stood petting Sven's muzzle. He recognized the thick black braid trailing down past her waist, the flair of her hips, the set of her narrow shoulders. He knew just what he'd see if she turned around and it was everything he didn't want right now. His throat went dry. He thought of turning back around and hiding back in the pub.

There wasn't time for that though.

Sven noticed him. He reared his head back with a grin, the traitor, and the woman turned.

It had been years since he'd seen that face, but it might as well have been yesterday. He remembered each curve, each plane. To see that face was to be seventeen again: bright, fumbling, and eager.

"I wondered if Sven was still hanging around with you. It seems like he is." She didn't bother with a greeting. She didn't need to.

All Kristoff could do was nod. A second hole, different – older, ripped open in his chest.

"Ah. Still a man of few words, I see." She stepped up closer to him, feline hips swinging. "Where are you staying these days?"

It was a loaded question.

He cleared his throat. "Uh - nowhere." He coughed again. "We aren't staying anywhere."

"Excellent, because I have plans to change that."

**o000o**

"You don't get banished for being a model prince."

"Exactly. There had to be a reason. So few people even knew about the banishment and even less knew the reason for _why_ he was banished."

"Right. We have been over this."

"The real Dedrik would know the reason why he was banished."

"But we don't know if the creep in our prison is the real deal or not. He could tell us anything he wanted and we would have no clue if he was lying or not."

"Unless we find someone else who knows the reason. Someone who would have no reason to lie to us."

Understanding dawned on Anna's face.

"Then we would be able to test the stories against one another. If they don't match - then he isn't our uncle."

"Precisely." Elsa nodded. "It's a trap."

"Yeah." Anna smiled. "A trap for a rat."

**o000o**

He did not mean to follow her, but history repeats itself. Near eight years since he'd seen her and he still cannot tell her 'no'. That was how he found himself in a chair that felt too small and room that felt even smaller with just her and their memories.

He remembered the last time he was alone in a room with a woman, Anna's fragile weight cradled in his arms, and the first sparks of a headache flared behind his eyes. This was not the time. He needed a clear head.

He refocused.

She brought him a plate of bread and cheese. He watched as she approached. He hadn't forgotten the way she moved, like a breeze on the water, but it was different now. He still saw so much of that girl he'd known in Norfolk, but time had changed her. She was older, hopefully wiser. When he looked at her mouth it was difficult not to wonder just where the differences started and where they ended.

She set the plate down in front of him and the tension that had leaked out in the bar was back in spades. Had she noticed him staring at her mouth?

"Would you like drink?" She said, voice like rain, and he nodded.

A pint appeared next to the plate before he had time to form many more thoughts. She plunked down in the seat next to him and cheated her body so their knees brushed. He swallowed a mouthful of nothing.

"How long are you in town?"

"Not sure." He fiddled with the food, unable to shake the feeling that he should not be here at all.

She smiled like she understood and leaned an elbow on the table. Her chin caught in her hand. He remembered the old burn running down the side of that hand, down her wrist, and under the cuff of her plain blouse. He had been there when she'd gotten it. It was a reminder that he'd played with fire before when it came to her, and he was tempting fate by being here at all.

"Enigmatic." She said. "I always liked that about you."

He looked up at the ceiling, uneasy, because this attention felt good. It felt uncomplicated, familiar, like an unorthodox homecoming. Except this was not his home, _she_ was not his home, but this still felt natural. It felt easy, and it made his palms sweat.

Flashes of Anna danced across his conscious. He thought once that maybe anywhere that Anna was could be his home, but that wasn't true. Anna couldn't be his home. Not now. Not ever. That had been made abundantly clear.

So why did he feel so guilty for sitting in a kitchen with a woman and touching knees? Why did he feel even guiltier that part of him liked it?

Because it would hurt Anna if she knew, and that answer made him feel angry that he felt guilty at all. Anna would never know if his knees (or any other part) touched another woman. Anna was gone. He couldn't hurt her anymore. They were both better for it. He had to believe that.

Either way, he shifted his legs away from his companion's.

"I didn't know you lived in Farsund now." He stared at his plate like eating was a foreign concept.

"Would you have stopped here if you knew?" Though her question was not aimed to hurt, Kristoff felt the sting. It was a fair question. He had avoided Norfolk for years and it all had to do with her.

"The last time I saw you - your father was threatening my life. So, probably not." Kristoff eyes darted to the door. "He isn't around, is he?"

She laughed deep in her throat, but sadness flashed in her green eyes.

"No. He has been gone for a while now." She sighed, faraway. "He hated you as much as I loved you."

The words sailed from her lips and Kristoff's eyes shot to hers. She spoke in past tense, but it was still a slap in the face.

"Don't look at me like you didn't know." She leaned in and touched his forearm with her burned hand.

The weight and warmth of her touch was paralyzing. He stared at her hand, feeling like he should move away but unable to do so. He clenched his fists instead.

"That was a long time ago." He said and her fingers curled over his forearm.

"Yes. A lifetime ago." She leaned just that much closer and he felt his pulse spike. A lifetime wasn't enough to forget certain things. "We had some good times, didn't we?"

The smile she wore bore years of memories that he'd left behind. Just like he'd left Anna behind and - gods - he could not think about Anna anymore. He wouldn't. It hurt too much.

"Yeah. We really did." He looked away, grabbed his drink, and drained it.

**o000o**

"Seasick, little brother?" He leaned over the railing next to the prone figure. "Lucky you never were required to do any naval training. I suppose there are certain advantages to being thirteenth in line for the crown."

"I think I ate something that does not agree with me."

"Or you are just as weak as our father said you were."

A wave crashed up against the side of the ship that covered up the sound of dry heaving.

"I am not weak." He pushed back from the railing and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "And I will show you."

**o000o**

The sun dipped low on the horizon.

"You can stay here for the night if you like." He'd already stayed much longer than he intended.

They stood at the back door of her small house. Her spine pressed back into the doorjamb. His shoulder rutted against the inside wall. He stared at her boots.

"I can't."

"Why?"

There were so many reasons.

"It would be unseemly." He went with the one reason that had nothing to do with Anna and she laughed. He liked the sound of that laugh.

"I rent my spare room." She said. "I have so many fishermen and merchants pass through my doors it is a miracle that I have it open for you. No one will think one second about it."

It was so much more than renting a spare room, and she had to know that. She was the one who said it. She was the one who said 'love'. Even if it was near ten years ago and a dozen miles from here. You never really forget the first time you feel something so strong.

"What about Sven?" He shouldn't stay. He shouldn't. He'd be setting himself up for a fall.

"He can stay in my shed with the cow and chickens." She smiled and he wished he could.

Actually, he wished a great many things.

He wished he could go back to before he had ever met Anna. He wished he could forget that she ever existed or that he'd ever known just what it was like to hold her. He wished he could find a way to plug the hole she left next to his heart. He wished things could just go back to being simple, being easy, like they could be now.

"Kristoff?" Her voice popped him back to the present.

He looked at her, blinking his thoughts away, and he shouldn't. He shouldn't, but he could. There was no one to stop him, no real reason to hold back, and this could be so simple. It could be so easy. It could make this all hurt a little less.

"Sorry." He shouldn't. "How much for a night?" He would.

"I'm running a special. First night is free " She reached out and grabbed his hand.

It startled him. She had always been able to catch him by surprise. He looked at their hands and thought of fire. He thought of warmth. Something sparked in his chest and he hoped against all hope it would burn any remnant of the small princess out of him.

"Marina…"

She was close now, stepping into his body. He could see the smooth texture of her cheek.

"Just think of this as a second chance." She said, a breath away from his mouth.

"Okay." He nodded. This was simple. It was easy.

"Okay." No magic. No princesses. Just the rules he'd always known in a world he understood.

She smiled. He shouldn't, but he smiled back.

He didn't stop her when she pulled his head down for a kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

Memories are funny things. They bend and warp in the currents of time. The tint and shift under the weight of experience. They trick us. That was the only reason that Kristoff could come up with that would explain why kissing Marina felt like kissing a ghost.

He remembered coursing heat and singed nerves the last time they touched, but now found only cobwebs and stale air. He remembered lightning strikes and infernos, but now all he tasted was ashes. He had expected a revolution, but he felt nothing.

He put his hands on her shoulders and broke away.

She smiled up at him, and it was a sucker punch to the gut. This was wrong. This was all wrong. It was supposed to be simple, easy, and now it felt like anything but. Everything was out of place now and he hadn't the faintest idea how to fix any of it.

"I need to go get Sven settled." He looked out the door into the waning light, unable to face her. "Is there feed in the shed?"

"Yes." He heard the hesitation at his distance in that one word. "There is a barrel by the door. It is marked."

"Okay. Great." He stepped out into the twilight.

"Kristoff." Her hand touched his sleeve. He froze, but didn't look back. "Second chances, right?"

He clenched his jaw.

"Yeah." He stepped out of reach. "Right."

He wasn't sure just how to tell her that she was not the second chance he needed.

Even worse – he had no idea how to admit it to himself.

**o000o**

Anna fell asleep sprawled out across Elsa's bed. They'd talked for long hours and what had lulled Anna to slumber sent Elsa's nerves singing.

She could wake Anna. Send her away to her room now that they'd covered and recovered battle plans. They both knew their parts. It was all set, but Elsa couldn't do that. She looked at her sleeping sister and could not bear to wake her. It wasn't just that she wanted her sister to rest, but also knowing that if she woke Anna that they may have to talk about the one thing they'd avoided during all their strategizing.

Anna wanted to leave her.

The thought sent frost to Elsa's fingertips and she had to get away from Anna before there was another accident. Elsa slipped out from under the covers. Donning her wrapper and slippers, she sneaked out of her own room.

It felt odd.

The room had been her sanctuary to protect Anna from herself, but she'd always been on the other side of the door. Now, out in the hallway, Elsa wondered just how she would keep herself safe from herself.

**o000o**

"We're staying here tonight." Kristoff untied Sven from Marina's hitching post. "It's too late to go anywhere else."

_Yeah. Because you were inside forever._

"Was not." Kristoff headed back around the house. "Shed's this way."

_Were too. What were you doing in there for so long?_

"Talking." Kristoff tried to stay ahead of Sven so his friend couldn't read his face. It didn't work. Even pulling a mounted sleigh, Sven had no trouble catching up.

_What did you talk about?_

"Life back at Norfolk. How she ended up here. You know - stuff," He said, and Sven snorted.

_You took_ _**that** _ _long just to talk about **stuff**?_

Kristoff felt his defenses rising. He was confused enough as it was without Sven adding to the mess.

"Oh come on. You don't even know how time works." Kristoff came around Sven to unhitch him as they pulled alongside the shed.

Sven glared back at him.

"Look. I'm sorry I didn't unhitch you earlier. I didn't know we were staying till just a few minutes ago."

_That is so not the point._

Kristoff ignored him and opened the shed door. He went inside. Sven followed.

_Why are we staying here?_

"Because she rents her spare room." Kristoff lit the lantern by the door just as Sven smacked him with an antler. "Ow! What the hell?"

_**Why are we staying here?** _

"I told you, you idiot." Kristoff rubbed his head.

_The real reason._

"That _is_ the real reason. It is late. You really want to go off and camp when there is a bed and a warm shed right here?"

_Yes._

Kristoff gapped. The swelling tide of guilt made him anxious. "What is your problem?"

_**She** _ _is my problem._

"Marina? You are the one that was letting her pet you and letting her know I was there today." Kristoff wagged a finger in Sven's face, shifting the blame. "I was just fine with never seeing her again."

_That was because I never thought you'd do anything to hurt Anna._

The accusation stunned him. Sven knew nothing. Kristoff would never hurt Anna, but he thought of Marina's kiss and balked.

"I didn't." Sven gave him a look. Lying had never been his strong suit. "It doesn't matter anyway because Anna will never know about any of this because we will never see her again. Ever!"

_And who's fault is that?_

"You know who." Kristoff tried to out maneuver Sven and failed. He sighed. "It's Elsa's."

 _Bullshit._ Sven spat.

A pause that went forever. "Excuse me?"

_You heard me._

Instead of pauses, now their words fell on top of each other.

"She practically banished me." Kristoff threw his hands up.

_And you let her._

"Of course I did. She is the queen!"

Sven tried to smack Kristoff with his antlers again, but this time Kristoff was ready for him. He caught Sven's antlers in angry hands.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?"

_What in the hell is wrong with_ _**you** _ _?_

Kristoff glared. "Nothing! All I am trying to do is feed you and get the sleigh put up before all the light is gone."

Sven looked up at Kristoff from where he stayed in his strange headlock.

_No. You are running away. You've been looking for a reason to run since the start because that is what you always do._

"No. I am trying to do the right thing for Anna." Kristoff thought back to Hilde's barn and what had been said there. Sven was right, but he wasn't backing down. This was the best thing for everyone.

Kristoff shoved Sven's antlers down and pushed past him.

"I'm going to cover the sleigh." Kristoff reached for the lantern, but he didn't make it. He never saw Sven coming.

Sven scooped him up in his antlers and threw him down in a pile of hay. Two hens flew out with terrible squawks. Kristoff wished his escape could be so easy. He tried to stand up and Sven pushed him back down.

_No. You don't get to run from this and you sure don't get to run from me, too._

"Sven – I swear on Odin's son – if you don't knock this off –"

_This is not what is best for Anna **or** you. You are making a mistake._

Kristoff protested. "I'm not." He tried to stand again but Sven pressed him back with his muzzle. "Get off of me!"

_A really huge mistake._

"Get out of my –" Anger surging.

_No! Not until you see what you are doing is a big, fat, ugly mistake._

Kristoff threw a handful of hay in Sven's face, but Sven remained unmoved. The animal was a mountain as much as anything Kristoff had ever encountered. If Kristoff knew anything, he knew mountains never moved.

He was trapped. He tried not to panic but his palms were sweating. He clenched his fists.

_You love Anna. Not Marina. Say it. Say you're in love with Anna._

Kristoff tried to roll to the side. He did not have to listen to this. He _couldn't_ listen to this. It made his insides twist and bunch. Sven pinned him with a hoof against his chest.

"Oof. Stop! Get off me, you idiot!" Kristoff wrestled Sven's leg off to no avail.

_Not until you say that you love Anna._

"You're crushing my lungs."

Sven rolled his eyes.

_Just say it._

"I can't breathe!"

_Say it!_

"Fine!" Kristoff threw his arms open and ceased struggling. "If I say what you want me to say, will you let me up?"

_Yes._

"Okay." Kristoff took a deep breath. He stared at the shed's rafters, not daring to look at Sven. "Okay."

He could do this. It was just three words and Sven would let him go. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Something in his stomach coiled when he tried to form the words. It grew and wrapped around his heart, his throat and he couldn't-

 _Anytime._ Sven said and Kristoff glared at him.

"Just because I say it doesn't mean that it's true." He tried to keep the frantic pitch from edging into his voice, but he heard it anyway.

 _Just because you said that doesn't mean you don't._ Sven shot back and Kristoff never hated Sven more than in this moment.

"Then I won't say it and you'll never get your dinner."

Sven pressed down harder and Kristoff really couldn't breathe now.

"What the - ow!"

A little harder still and he felt his bones threaten to crack. The panic of Admitting Anything and What That Meant shifted to survival. Whatever had tied up his heart and throat caved to the weight of Sven's hoof.

"Okay - I love Anna, dammit!" He gasped. "Now get off of me."

Sven stepped back and Kristoff sat up with a wheeze. He rubbed the spot on his chest where Sven had pressed the truth out of him.

"What is wrong with you? You could have killed me." Kristoff swung at Sven. Sven stepped out of reach. Kristoff didn't follow.

Sven shrugged. _But I didn't._

"You are unbelievable. I should sell you."

 _I'm unsellable._ Sven smirked. _You said so yourself._

Had he said that? Yeah. Probably.

"I should still try."

Kristoff didn't attempt to stand up. He was uncertain how his legs would do at this moment in time. Sven stepped back into Kristoff and rubbed his nose on Kristoff's arm - a peace offering. Kristoff brushed a hand over his friend without thinking - forgiveness.

_You know you meant what you said, right?_

Kristoff hung his head, voice low, "Yeah. Yeah I know."

A small, silent eternity and then: _So what are you going to do?_

Kristoff sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand. Where to go from here felt like an impossibility.

"I have no idea." Kristoff said.

 _Wanna hear what you_ _ **should**_ _do?_ Sven asked.

Kristoff did not have much say in the matter.

**o000o**

She roamed the halls.

She could not bring herself to settle in any one place because there was no place where she fit. Certain places were meant for certain things. The library was where she worked, her room was where she slept, the dining hall was where she ate…. So she roamed the halls because the halls were where you went when you were between places. Elsa was between.

So she walked and thought the benefits one brought to their life when everything was compartmentalized, organized, and -

"Queen Elsa?"

A deep voice rang in the dark and she startled.

"Who is it? Who's there?" She felt the winter rattle in her veins. She was never defenseless – so why was she so vulnerable?

A figure stepped forward from the shadows into the moonlight. The silvery light gleamed on metal. It was her captain. No. _The_ captain. _What was his name?_

"Captain." She gripped her arm without thinking. The memory of his touch too present. "I could not fall asleep. I was just taking a walk to clear my head."

"You owe no explanation, My Queen." He said, and she knew that. She knew she didn't owe explanation for anything, but she still felt the need to make him understand. She needed _someone_ to understand. "I'm just sorry if I startled you. I just wanted to make sure everything was fine."

"Oh. No. You were just doing your duty." She felt his concern down to her core. "I am fine. Everything is fine."

His eyes flickered along the length of her and was reminded of how under-dressed she was. She wrapped her arms tight around her middle, embarrassed and exposed. An unfamiliar warmth flooded her body. It made her skin feel too tight like when Grand Pabbie had shared his magic with her. It was overwhelming.

She needed to think of something else.

"It is providential that I see you now, actually." She said, pulling the order of duty up like a binding around her swirling thoughts. "Given recent events - you have been made privy to some sensitive information. I do not want to cause undo alarm by bringing unnecessary parties into the situation at hand - you understand - I want as few people as possible to know about any of this. I trust that I have your discretion?"

"Of course, My Queen." He said and Elsa believed him. She trusted him. The realization left her feeling more bare than ever before. She needed to get away.

"Very good." She nodded and tried her best to not look at the floor. Queens did not look at the floor. "Then meet me tomorrow morning in my library. First thing. I need a militaristic opinion on some of our options before I proceed."

"Certainly, My Queen." He looked at her and Elsa felt like he saw her, like he _really_ saw her, and it made anxiety build in her chest. She was not used to being seen.

She nodded, a stiff jerk. "Good. Then I will see you tomorrow, Captain."

She went to step past him, to find a place where could see her, but he blocked path.

"My Queen, it would be an honor to escort you back to your room for the night." He was close again, like he had been this afternoon, but the shadows made it different - more intimate. Her pulse quickened.

"No. Thank you, Captain." She stepped back, pressing down every single instinct to run like hell. "I'll be fine."

_We are all fine. We are all fine. We are all fine._

Anna had said that and what once had helped now hurt.

Elsa couldn't go back to her room.

"Of course, My Queen, but I must insist." His eyes shone bright in the moonlight. "There are those out there working to destroy Arendelle. We must take every precaution _."_

Elsa knew he was right. She'd made no friends at her coronation, inside of her kingdom or otherwise, and they could never be too careful.

"Fair enough, but not to my room." Her panic receded a bit in the wake of a plan, of some kind of control and direction. "Take me to Princess Anna's room."

**o000o**

It was well after dark when Kristoff found his way back into Marina's house. His mind raced, his feet dragged, and it took him eons to find the strength to open the door.

"I was starting to wonder if I needed to send out a search party." She sat in the same chair as she had earlier. A basket full of clothes sat in his seat. Her hands flew throwing stitches into the fabric.

"Sven likes company while he eats." He rubbed the back of his neck and shut the door behind him.

"Hm. Are you hungry?" She asked like this was routine, and it could be. In another lifetime he may have even wanted it to be, but not now.

He shook his head. "I'm actually pretty tired. I think I may just go to bed."

He glanced at her. She was still now. Her hands rested on the table. Her green eyes glowed in the lamplight. He could see the wheels turning in her head.

"I don't remember you being tired before." There were questions tucked into those words that she didn't ask.

"Yeah. I guess it just hit me." He shuffled his feet. "So where do I sleep tonight?"

Her chair scraped the floor as she pushed back to stand. He thought she was going to show him where his bed would be. It caught him off guard when her footsteps drew close. She stood in front of him, and he peered at her from beneath his brow.

"I guess that is up to you." She lifted her scarred hand and ran it down the side of his face, ghosting fingertips across his skin. That hand traveled lower and hooked onto his shoulder. She used it as an anchor as she rose up on her toes and tilted her chin in search of his mouth.

Kristoff turned his head, the decision already made, and her lips landed on his cheek. They both froze for a moment. He heard her shaky exhale, then she sunk back on her heels. She patted his shoulder and stepped back.

"I'm sorry." He said, because he was. He was sorrier than she could know, but loving Anna wasn't a choice anymore. It was something his heart did just as naturally as beating.

"There is someone else, isn't there?" She smiled, but it wasn't from joy. It was a shield, worn and scarred. "I thought there might be."

"Marina I –"

She shushed him.

"No. Don't apologize anymore. I knew. I saw the signs. I had just hoped…" She shook her head and cleared her throat, her shield cracking. "Never mind. None of that matters."

Kristoff stood helpless as he watched her strength crumble bit by bit.

"It's complicated." He offered and she laughed, sad and low.

"It always is."

There was the weight of years in her words and he didn't know the woman in front of him. The funny, irreverent girl he'd loved in another lifetime was gone and he wondered if she saw the same difference in him. He'd never know because he'd never ask. He didn't have that right now.

She ran a hand over her hair, down the dark braid over her shoulder, and took a deep breath.

"I don't know why you're here – why you aren't with her – and I don't want to know." She looked him dead in the eye. "But I will make this easy for you. Tonight – you stay in my side room and I will stay in my loft. If when I wake in the morning you are gone just – please – stay gone this time Kristoff. Please. I don't do third chances."

"Okay." He swallowed and she nodded.

"Okay."

She took another step back and raised her hand. "That door is to my side room." She pointed. Kristoff's eyes followed. "You'll find everything you need inside."

When Kristoff looked back, she was further away still.

"Marina…" He started but she had said not to apologize anymore and there was nothing left to say.

She seemed to understand. She dragged her smile, her shield, back across her face. He wondered when she'd learned to use it as protection.

"Goodnight, Kristoff."

A string pulled around his heart at the way she said his name, and the way it might be the last time he ever heard her say it. It broke open an old ache inside his chest. He wanted to comfort her, to hold her just one last time, but he couldn't. It would just hurt her more. She'd made that clear with her distance, with her shield. He didn't want that.

"Goodnight, Marina." His eyes took her in one last time, head to toe, before he went to the door she'd indicated.

He didn't look back.

**o000o**

They walked the halls shoulder to shoulder in silence. She didn't remind him that protocol dictated he walk _behind_ because being able to see him in her periphery was soothing. As long as he wasn't looking at her with eyes that seemed to know her, it was soothing. She tried not to think about _why_ it was soothing because she knew the second she did her calm would vanish.

She also knew that if she thought of the reason why they were walking to Anna's room instead of hers; or if she thought about the man in her dungeon with her father's eyes and her uncle's name; or if she thought about the missive from The King of the Southern Isles to the Duke of Wesselton, her calm would vanish.

So she tried to think of nothing - which ended up with her repeating the word _nothing_ over and over in her mind– and it almost worked.

They did not speak, and that was better. It made it easier for Elsa to ignore the fact that this was not organized or compartmentalized. This was blurring lines.

As they turned the corner to Anna's hallway, the door to her room opened from the inside. Elsa startled – no one should be in Anna's room. The captain stepped in front of her, hand on the hilt of his sword. She almost stopped him, reaching to grab his shoulder, but blue sparks erupted from her fingertips and she didn't dare touch him. She clenched her hands back to her stomach in horror.

Then, an instant later, out tottered Olaf with a perplexed look on his face.

The captain relaxed, standing tall again, and Elsa exhaled. Olaf turned towards the sound and saw them. His eyes grew wide and he threw his arms open.

"Elsa!" He ran towards her as fast as his stubby legs could go. "Anna isn't in her room!"

Elsa saw the captain's shoulders pull back, his whole posture going rigid, and she knew he was remembering the last time the princess went missing.

"It's okay, little guy." Elsa looked down as Olaf came up to her. "I know where she is."

"You do?" his mouth hung open.

"She is in my room sleeping."

"Oooooooh. So - you are sharing a room again." He nodded, snowy brain trying to understand.

"No. Not quite. We were talking and Anna fell asleep when we were done. So I am going to sleep in her bed tonight."

Clarity washed over the snowman's face. "Oooooooh, I get it. Okay well I will go check on her in your room then." He smiled and stretched his arms wide.

"But Olaf - she is sleeping." Elsa said, Olaf was already on his way.

"I know. I always check on you both when you are sleeping." He called back and Elsa had no idea what to do with that information. "See you later!"

The captain turned as Olaf walked away.

"If you don't want him coming in while you are sleeping, we can arrange a guard to keep him out, My Queen." He said and Elsa smiled. It felt odd to smile.

"No. He's harmless."

A pause and she wondered if Olaf, a tangible reminder of her powers, made the captain uncomfortable. If they were in opposite positions, she thought perhaps she would be uncomfortable, too. After all, she had a monster living inside of her. She suppressed a shiver.

She looked towards Anna's open door.

"Speaking of guards, I do not think it will be necessary to monitor Princess Anna as closely anymore." She looked back at him. "We've come to an arrangement and I do believe it will be best for everyone if we remove her personal guard."

"I'll see to it immediately, My Queen."

"Good."

The moment stretched and Elsa knew she needed to speak in order to release him, but something kept her from it just yet.

"Thank you for ensuring my safe arrival." She said instead. "I hope I haven't been too great a bother."

"Never, My Queen." He said, but then he stood tall. He was all soldier now. The man who walked shoulder to shoulder with her was gone. "Do you have any further orders tonight, My Queen?"

"No thank you, Captain. You are dismissed." She was all queen now.

He bowed. She nodded and headed towards Anna's room. He went the opposite way. This was the way it should be: proper, formal, professional.

It also felt so cold. Where she thought she would feel relief, she felt none. That was why Elsa turned at Anna's door and looked back to where he marched.

"Captain," Elsa's voice reached out. He turned, not too far yet from where she stood.

"Yes, My Queen?" He asked, his face obscured by shadows, and somehow that made this easier.

"What is your name?" She didn't blurt it out, because queens never blurt, but there is something rushed in how she said it. Almost like the words were escaping her before common sense could drag them back in.

She felt his surprise at her question in the way he paused.

"Falk, My Queen." He gave his soldier surname, but she wanted more.

"No." The fire in her cheeks made her glad for the dark. Gods, what was she doing? "Your full name, please."

Another pause, but she expected it this time.

"Nikolas Lundesen Falk." The way he said it made something tingle deep in stomach, like it was a secret between just the two of them.

It felt personal. It felt warm. She smiled again. It felt less odd.

"Thank you, Captain Falk. Goodnight."

**o000o**

Kristoff stared into the darkness for hours. He thought of sleep, but that was as close as he got to it.

He pushed back the covers and dressed in the dark. If he wasn't going to sleep, he may as well not even try.

He opened his door. It took him a bit to maneuver around in the dark. The small house would never be familiar to him, so he went slowly. When he made it to the door, he hesitated.

What if this was the wrong thing to do? What if he would just make everything worse? After all, Marina was here and warm and nothing stood in the way of them being together. Anna was far away and off limits and protected by a magic ice queen. He was trading a sure thing for a long shot.

He would have to add it to his incredibly long list of stupid things Anna made him do.

He opened the door and crossed the yard to the shed. The moon hung low in the sky. It would be dawn soon. The familiar musk of hay and animals greeted him as he slipped inside the shed. He lit the lamp.

Sven was sleeping. Two hens roosted on his back. A brown cow dozed beside him and it made a pretty picture. This could be his life. It would be simple. It would be easy. It would be a mistake.

"Hey Sven, buddy, wake up." He rubbed Sven's forehead.

The reindeer blinked awake, confused.

_Is it breakfast?_

Kristoff went over to the wall and pulled down Sven's tack. "No. No buddy, not quite yet but we have to get up now."

 _Why?_ Sven stretched and groaned.

"Because," Kristoff shooed the hens and threw the harness over Sven's back. "We're going to Arendelle."


	14. Chapter 14

He went to the window of his tiny cell. He appreciated the Arendellian intent of making escape impossible by placing the dungeon on the water. Especially since he had no intent of escape - at ;east not from Arendelle.

The moonlight shone on the fjord. He could see the silhouettes of ships bobbing in the dark. He wrapped his fist in his suit coat and smashed the glass inside the metal barred diamond. He smiled at the smell of fresh air as he picked out the ship he knew was his. The shape and lines of her were unmistakable.

He stuck his hand out the hole, careful of sharp edges, and gave the signal.

**o000o**

They waited on the edge of Farsund in the dark. Dawn would come soon. They'd travel on when the light came. It was safer, and to be honest, Kristoff needed some time. He was still trying to figure out how exactly he would get close enough to Anna to talk to her.

After all, he'd never raided a castle before.

Kristoff jumped out of his seat in the mounted sled and came alongside Sven. He stroked his friend's furry neck.

"This is the right thing to do." He said. "Right?"

Sven swung his head around and looked at Kristoff with exasperation.

 _You know it is_.

"Yeah. Yeah. I know." His hand stilled as his thoughts weighed him down.

Sven's face softened. He nosed Kristoff's chest.

_It is going to be okay._

Kristoff rubbed his hand over Sven's silky nose.

"Sure, okay." He blew out a breath and looked up at the lightening sky. "Do you ever think that the right thing and the easy thing will be the same thing?"

_No. Probably not._

**o000o**

Elsa had trouble falling asleep. Her whole body hummed. Unfamiliar warmth settled into her core and she couldn't shake it.

She wanted to tell someone about this feeling mounting inside of her. She wanted to ask if it was normal for her heart to twist into knots like this just because of a name. She wanted to talk to Anna, but she couldn't.

Talking about this, to _anyone_ , meant admitting that there was something to acknowledge. Asking questions meant receiving answers she did not want. If she allowed validity to her feelings for Captain Falk (whatever they were) then she allowed validity to Anna's feelings for Kristoff and she just could not do that. It was impossible.

There were rules for a reason.

They kept things in order, made things run smoothly. To break the rules, or even bend them, was inviting chaos. She could not abide with chaos, so she could not talk about this with anyone.

 _Conceal_. A voice from the past. _Don't feel. Don't let it show._

It hadn't worked for her curse, but that didn't mean it couldn't work for her now. She had plenty of practice, so it wouldn't be too difficult.

Even so - the last thing she thought before sleep took her was his name. His entire name.

**o000o**

They came just before the dawn. Their simple wagon bumped over cobblestones. Their clothes were unremarkable. They had a delivery for the kitchen, they told the guards. First harvest of Princess Anna's favorite fruit, and they showed the guards their wares. They were ushered in and directed where to go.

The kitchen was asleep, not quite time for breakfast preparations to begin, save for the pudgy snowman poking through the cupboards. They'd heard the stories of the queen's magic, and had been told what to expect. Still the snowman caught them off balance. It only lasted an instant.

"Hello!" The snowman said upon noticing them. "My name is Olaf and I like warm hugs. What are your names?"

"We brought Princess Anna a gift." They skipped the introduction and showed the snowman the fruit.

His eyes went wide: "Ooooooh. She will _love_ these." He clasped his twiggy hands together.

"We'd love to make sure she gets some first thing in the morning when she wakes. Perhaps we could take a basket to her room." They spoke with sly smiles. "Is that something you could help us with?"

"Oh. No. No, I'm sorry, that won't work." The snowman said, and one of them put his hand on a knife. How did one kill a magic snowman? "Anna isn't in her room. She is in Elsa's. They switched for the night. If you put the fruit in Anna's room - she won't see it right away."

He took his hand off of his knife.

"Why don't you take us to Elsa's room then so we can make sure the princess gets her surprise?"

The snowman clapped with glee.

"She is this way, but be quiet! Everyone is still sleeping."

They were quiet as tombs.

**o000o**

The darkness pressed around them. Only the lookout's lantern and the bright moon illuminated the deck.

"You know, _little brother_ , they say that it is unwise to walk the deck at night. You never know what may happen in the dark."

Hans gripped the railing tighter as his brother passed by him. His fingernails caught on the wood, and he felt sick for an entirely different reason than the motion of the boat.

"Then why am I enjoying the pleasure of your company?"

He didn't have to see his brother's face to know he was smirking.

"The captain assures me that we will reach Arendelle by midday tomorrow."

"I assume you are not telling me this out of the goodness of your heart." He caught a breath as the ship pressed over a swell.

"No, little brother, I am telling you this so that you can brace yourself. The last time you were in Arendelle, you did not make friends. I have a feeling our welcome will not be the warmest."

**o000o**

Anna heard something. She opened her eyes. In the darkness she saw the canopy over her head that was familiar, but it wasn't hers. Where was she? The dark was disorienting. She tried to shake off the sleep, but her mind was heavy.

She sat up and then she heard a sound from behind her.

Before she could turn, a strong arm wrapped around her chest and something wet and stinky smashed over her mouth and nose. Her body went rigid. She kicked and struggled. Her bad arm throbbed. She tried to scream and bite and fight but every breath she took made her limbs feel heavier. Her vision blurred and she knew she wasn't going to win this fight.

Where was her guard when she needed him?

Panic rose in her throat. She was losing the fight to stay conscious, to break free.

 _This all must be a dream_. She thought as darkness set in. _Kristoff…!_

Then everything went black.

**o000o**

They started down the road at first light.

The thought of seeing Anna again had his body wound so tightly it felt like he could explode.

A part of him wanted to be in Arendelle _now_. It wanted to have Sven run and run until he collapsed.

There was another part of him though that acknowledged just what a crap shoot this was. Even if he somehow managed to see Anna long enough to talk with her - what would that do? He would still be an iceman and she would still be a princess. There was a good chance that even if he did manage to find her, talk to her, she would be ripped out of his life again. That part of him wanted to turn Sven the opposite direction and run until they were gone, gone, gone.

So Kristoff split the difference and held Sven back to a moderate gait.

A tree rustled as they passed. Two dozen crows flew from the branches, screaming. Kristoff looked up and saw them fly.

 _A murder_. Anna had called it. _A murder of crows._

A chill shot down his spine. He clicked for Sven to go a little faster.

**o000o**

They returned the way they came, down servant stairwells and out back doors, and no one was the wiser. The castle was asleep.

They loaded their prize into the back of the wagon, the dark sack she was in hiding her from inspection. They drove out of the castle gates just as the sun was rising.

**o000o**

Elsa had a crick in her spine. Anna's bed had lumps in odd places and her body did not appreciate it. Still, she had slept, and that was more than she could say for most nights.

She pulled the cord that rang into the servant's hall.

In her years alone she'd gotten used to dressing herself, a habit she still had, but this wasn't her room. She had nothing to change into. Yesterday in the moonlight she had been bold in just her nightgown and wrapper. The daylight had stripped her of that bravery.

Gerda knocked before she entered. She jumped, eyes confused, when she saw Elsa.

"Your Majesty! I beg your pardon. I thought it was Princess Anna who rang." She bowed.

"Princess Anna and I switched rooms for the night." Elsa explained, but no further than that. "Please go to my room and collect what I need to dress for the day, and be quiet. The princess may still be sleeping."

**o000o**

He watched the light creep across the harbor from his cell window. Those eyes stayed fast on the ship that brought him here. His face grim in want of the counter-signal.

If those idiots had bungled this after he'd waited half a century….

Then a flag raised on the mast of his ship, red as blood, and nothing could stop his laugh. Success always ticked him.

**o000o**

"Was Princess Anna still asleep?" Elsa asked as Gerda brushed out her hair.

"The bed was such an awful mess, all bunched and rumpled, I couldn't tell if a person was in there or not!" Gerda laughed as she yanked out a tangle. "I could go check again if you wish, Your Majesty."

Elsa pressed a hand against her stomach to suppress the unease growing there. There was no reason for it. Anna had not gone anywhere. She was still here. She had to be. They had a deal. Even if she wasn't in the bed, there were ten thousand other places where she could be that had nothing to do with running away.

Doubt ate at her every logical thought.

She never should have dismissed Anna's guard.

"Your Majesty?" Gerda stopped brushing, stepping back.

Elsa looked down at her hands on her lap and saw the sparks and swirls she hadn't realized dancing from her fingertips. She clenched fists and took a deep breath.

"No. No that won't be necessary. Thank you." She ignored her eruption and the fear she saw in Gerda's eyes.

They were silent after that.

**o000o**

Anna had a headache. Elsa's bed felt like it was moving and it made her stomach turn. Plus something smelled like dead fish. Why would anything smell like dead fish?

She cracked her eyes, daylight blinding her for a moment. Once the white blur cleared, she saw that nothing was familiar. Gone was the white and blue canopy, the ornate rosemaling, and her sister. In its place were crates, wooden beams, and metal bars.

Her eyes shot open.

Metal bars? What the -

She pushed up, head throbbing, and swayed. There was a bucket in the corner of her cell - a good thing - but she was in a cell - a bad thing. The two did not cancel each other out. She was five seconds or less from freaking out when she heard a voice.

"Ah. Good morning Princess Anna. Did you sleep well?"

She swiveled her head towards the voice. It belonged to a man she did not know, but she could have sworn she'd seen him before. He stood just outside of her cell with a smile that was the stuff of her nightmares. Now she was really freaking out.

"Where am I?" Her throat felt rough, her eyes gritty.

"You're on a ship. I thought that was pretty obvious." He pulled down on the wrists of his white gloves and a memory whispered through Anna's mind. "You really need to try harder to keep up."

She swallowed, too sick and disoriented yet to process sarcasm.

"I _know_ I am on a ship, but what ship? Where am I?" She clutched her head with her good hand. "And _why_ am I in a cell?"

The man ran gloved fingers over metal bars: "You are precious cargo." There was the smile full of malice, familiar because of it. "We cannot risk anything happening to you"

Light from a porthole caught his eyes and the way it sparkled made her heart lurch. She'd seen that sparkle before.

"Who are you?" She didn't want to know. She didn't, but she had to.

"Ah. How embarrassing. I forgot to introduce myself." He pushed a dark blonde curl back from his forehead. "You see, I've heard so much about you from my little brother it is like we have already met."

The blood rushed out of her head at the mention of a little brother. From the expression he wore he noticed, and liked it.

"Yes. You may remember him from your sister's coronation, though I am sorry if you do. He is altogether unremarkable."

Her stomach churned. Anna was only too aware that he hadn't answered a single one of her questions, but she is quick enough to put together the pieces. There was just one thing she didn't understand.

"What do you want with me?" She was shaking, eyes on the bucket in the corner.

"You, darling princess, are just a bit of insurance."

"For what?" She sucked deep breaths through her mouth. She couldn't be sick right now, not in front of this creep.

"Ah now - that would be telling." He clucked his tongue. "Where is the fun in that?"

The light made her nausea worse, or maybe it was his face. She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Is there anything you _can_ tell me? Because otherwise, I'd love it if you would go away."

He was quiet for just one moment, and then she heard him sigh.

"Well you must know that it is no fun at all to play this game when you are positively green." He said like her sickness offended him somehow.

"It is not so great on this end either." She said, sweat breaking out on her upper lip.

 _Please leave, please leave, please leave_ …. she rocked back and forth and he laughed.

"Ah. He did tell me you were amusing." And though Anna was fairly sure she knew who 'he' was, she didn't want to know. She took back every question - _every single one_ \- she needed him to leave. "I don't suppose it would ruin any of the surprise if I told you my name." He leaned against the bars, picking imaginary dust from his jacket.

She gritted her teeth and fought to untangle her stomach. Maybe he would tell her his name and he'd just go away. Maybe she would wake up and this would turn out to all be a bad dream.

"My name is Henrik." He said and Anna thought that might be it. She thought that may be the worst of it and all her worrying had been for nothing, but then: "Well more specifically, my name is Prince Henrik Westergaard of The Southern Isles, but that is a bit of a mouthful. Wouldn't you agree?"

Anna barely made it to the bucket.

**o000o**

They found a stream and ate breakfast next to it.

"What if I can't get to Anna?" Kristoff bit off a chunk of carrot.

 _You will_.

"Yeah. I know. But what if I don't?"

_Then you try again until you do._

**o000o**

She didn't eat breakfast. Her stomach was too full of fluttering anxiety. She paced in front of the library window. The fjord stretched out in front of her, pushing out wide before coming to a narrow mouth hundreds of meters away. That was the true gate to Arendelle, and it never closed. If Anna had gotten on a ship that sailed this morning, she would already be far out of Elsa's reach.

 _Stop it._ She reprimanded herself. _Anna hasn't gone anywhere. She isn't going anywhere. Not now. Not ever._

She looked out her window again and wished her library faced the mountains instead.

A knock came at the door. She jumped, a cool breeze wafted.

"Come in." She clasped her gloved fingers and pushed at the tingling in her nerves.

The door opened. In stepped Captain Falk.

"My Queen." He bowed.

"Captain." Her tongue stuck on his name. "Thank you for meeting me. We have much to discuss."

"Of course, My Queen." He stood at attention. She was thankful for this formality, her stomach uneasy enough without complicating this further.

"Before we begin - did you happen to excuse Anna's guard last night?" She hoped -

"Yes, My Queen."

"Oh." Elsa clenched her fingers and looked back out the window. If she had set sail this morning….

"Is everything all right, My Queen?"

Elsa looked back at Captain Falk and did not find a guard this time. Concern etched itself into the corners of his eyes and mouth. She wanted to fall into that concern, to lighten her burden just this once by sharing it with another, but -

 _Conceal. Don't feel._ Her father's voice rang in her mind. She felt him staring at her from his portrait above the mantle. _Don't let it show_.

Breathe in - _one, two, three_ \- and out - _one, two, three_ ….

"No." She said. "I mean - yes. I mean - everything is fine." She pulled her shoulders back. "Everything is fine."

Something dark flashed across his face. His wide mouth twitched in want to speak, but stayed silent. Her heart swelled and crashed and she thought it may break her ribs. The silence hummed between them until Elsa felt like her ears were bleeding.

She blinked and shook her head to break whatever spell had fallen.

"Let's begin with The Southern Isles." She walked over to a table strewn with maps and texts. Her father's eyes burned into her the entire time.

"As you wish, My Queen."

She watched him as he walked to join her and Elsa thought of freedom.

**o000o**

"Land ho! Land ho!" The cry rang out from the crow's nest.

Hans smiled until they pulled into port.

**o000o**

_We could be there by now if you just let me run._

"You say that like I don't know."

_You should let me run._

"You should let me drive."

_Not if you are doing a terrible job at it._

"I am doing just fine."

_But what about Anna? Think about her. What if she isn't fine?_

"She is in a palace full of people who live to help her. I think she is probably just fine."

_That isn't what I meant and you know it._

Kristoff sighed.

"Okay. Fine. You can go a little faster."

Sven ran like wolves were chasing him.

**o000o**

"The Southern Isles have always been known for their tremendous naval strength." Captain Falk pointed to the series of islands directly south of Arendelle on a map. "Being aligned with them historically was beneficial as they could easily intercept incoming naval attacks on our behalf."

Elsa nodded. "And the disadvantage being that now they could block all of our trade routes with ease."

Captain Falk looked at the map again. A flicker of pain crept over his face.

"Yes." He said.

"And if they did that – if they built a blockade…" Elsa couldn't finish that thought.

Captain Falk's hand swept over the map like he could erase the small dots that caused them this agony. He looked up at Elsa and she caught her breath at the storm she saw there.

"Then Arendelle will perish."

**o000o**

Anna felt better, but not by much. The effects of whatever they had smothered her with back at the castle were fading, but that did nothing to stop the sickness she felt at being in Henrik's constant company.

"You have me in a cell." Anna lay back on her cot and tried not to be sick again. "Pretty sure you don't have to sit and watch me _all_ _of the time_."

"On the contrary." He tied a complex series of knots in the length of rope he held. "You must always be watched. You are so very important."

She couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic.

"Yeah? And why is that?" She asked, fully prepared to get an answer that wasn't an answer at all.

That was why her heart skipped a beat at his next words.

"Because Elsa loves you." He twisted and pulled one last time until he held a perfect hangman's noose in his hands. "And you always do the craziest things for the ones you love."

**o000o**

They'd talked in circles for hours. They'd scoured maps and battle logistics, but for nothing. They sat next to each other at the table. Their best efforts thwarted by latitude, longitude, and geography.

"We haven't gone to war in centuries." Elsa rubbed her temples. "There are no records, no references for how to approach this. We have no way to fight The Southern Isles, let alone Weselton." Elsa was too exhausted to panic, too defeated to fight. "We don't have enough time to prepare, or militarize. We have nothing."

She leaned forward and put her head in her hands. The only sound in the room was the ticking of the grandfather clock.

Then: "We have more than nothing."

Captain Falk's voice was nothing like the soldier's voice he'd used for the past several hours. It was open and soft and Elsa felt herself respond.

She pulled her face out of her hands and looked at him. He was leaning forward in his seat, closer than she'd expected, and her breath caught. Something in her screamed to pull back, but she didn't. Queens didn't pull back, didn't give up ground.

She steadied her breathing: "And just what do we have?"

There was no queen in her voice. She had meant for there to be, but there wasn't.

He stared at her. That same need to speak on his face from before, his whole face a battlefield. She couldn't look away, had no means of retreat. Her brain tripped over reasons why this was impossible, why she should stop this right now, but she couldn't. That heat from the night before was back, pressing up under her skin.

Two large hands, gloved like hers should be but weren't, caught up one of hers and her eyes flashed to his. The storm was back. The pressure and heat of his hands shot up her arm. She was sure she would see burn marks on her skin if she peeled off her clothes.

"We have something." He said, no soldier – all man. "We have you, My Queen."

She felt her pulse in every corner of her body. The feel of his hands around hers, his proximity, his words, all set her every nerve on edge. Her breath fell shallow in her chest.

"Queen Elsa, I –" He started, but then the library doors slammed open.

They tore apart at the noise. Elsa felt the temperature drop. She clenched her hands together and willed the burning in her cheeks to cool.

 _If anyone saw…_ But no one did.

Kai stood at the door looking just as flustered as he had been yesterday when Grand Pabbie had arrived. Elsa stood and was then aware that her knees were weak.

"What is the meaning of this?" She tried to find strength in her voice. "Kai – is something wrong?"

"A thousand apologies, Your Highness, but you have some rather urgent guests." He stood properly despite his red face and heaving chest.

The look in his eye made her stomach drop. So far, guests hadn't been the best thing to show up in her world.

"Who?" She felt Captain Falk's eyes on her. She held her head high despite the heat crawling up her neck.

"I can have them sent away, but they are insistent –"

"Who is it?" Elsa felt ice climb like ivy in her bones as she tried to keep her curse inside.

Kai looked at her, his face as sad as she'd ever seen it, and spoke these words like an apology: "It is King Petter of The Southern Isles." He swallowed "And Prince Hans."


	15. Chapter 15

He was just outside of Arendelle when he pulled back on the reins. Though he could not see the familiar city yet - he knew that he soon would. He never thought that just _seeing_ a place could make his heart stutter, but it did because it was where she was.

Sven looked back at him in question.

"Hold on buddy. I just need a second."

Sven snorted. _You've already had days._

"I know. I know. It's just…" He looked down the rutted path at the bend that would bring Arendelle into view. "What is the plan doesn't work?"

_It is going to work._

"So you keep telling me." He said. "What if she doesn't want to see me?"

_She does, you idiot._

"What if she's already fallen in love with someone else?"

_She hasn't._

"But what if she has?"

_Then you fight for her. Will you stop making excuses and just go already?_

He sighed. "I still need a minute."

They both stared down the road. Kristoff shook the feeling of futility bubbling in his chest, silenced every voice screaming inside of him that this was crazy. He shoved at his doubts, his fear, because this wasn't about him anymore. This was for Anna and all of the insane amazing things that she was and made him feel. This was for her, everything was for her.

He took a deep breath, pulled his shoulders back, and snapped the reins.

"Let's go get Anna."

**o000o**

She didn't know it was snowing until a flake stuck to her nose. She blinked, eyes refocusing, and she saw that the entire library was covered in white. She saw the struggle to stay composed on Kai's face in the wake of her curse. She was sure that if she looked to Captain Falk she would see the same thing written on his expression, so she didn't look at him. She couldn't bare it.

"They are here?" Her voice was so hollow she could hear the echo of every fear inside of it.

"Yes, Your Majesty," Kai said. "I showed them to the North Parlor. Should I send them away? I'd be more than happy to send them away."

She was sure he would. "Does Princess Anna know about their presence?"

"I haven't seen the princess today, Your Majesty. She never rang for breakfast."

A gust of wind cut through the room. The maps on the table rustled.

_We are all fine._ She told herself. There had to be an explanation for this.

"She was in my room last night. Perhaps she rang from my room and whoever left the tray outside of my door didn't realize that it was the princess who called."

"The kitchen has not sent up any trays today, not for Your Majesty or Princess Anna."

Elsa looked at the grandfather clock against the wall. Time had escaped her and it was well past lunch. In many ways, Elsa did not know her sister, made strangers through stolen childhoods, but Elsa knew Anna did not miss meals.

"Not one tray?" It felt like ice was growing between her ribs, squeezing her lungs, making it impossible to breathe.

"Not one, Your Majesty."

Darkness closed in around the edges of her vision. Her mind raced to the worst possibility. Anna had run to be with Kristoff. She hadn't waited. Elsa had removed her guard and she had _run_.

"Scour the castle - every part - and the grounds. Find her. Immediately." She could feel herself trembling. The snow fell harder. "And inform me at once upon her discovery."

"Yes, Your Highness." Kai said, keen to her distress. "And what should I do about the guests?"

He wanted them gone as badly as she did. Elsa could hear his desire stitched into his words, but that could not be so. They had Elsa right where they wanted her.

"Tell them I will be with them as soon as I am able."

"Very good, Your Highness." Kai would never question a decision she made, but she knew the pinch of his face didn't mean he was pleased. She felt his disappointment in waves.

"Oh and Kai?" She caught him as he turned to leave.

"Yes, Your Highness?"

"Please have Gerda bring my crown."

The butler offered a soft smile.

"Certainly, Your Majesty."

**o000o**

He gave her bread and water at mid-afternoon. Anna gave him raised eyebrows.

"Seriously? I'd hate to see what you give your less-than-precious cargo." She bit into the bread. It was stale.

"We can't have you keeping up your strength. It makes our job so much more difficult when you have energy to fight back."

When she finished, Anna's stomach growled, unsatisfied. Henrik smirked.

"When I get out of here, the first thing I am going to do is punch you in the face." She said and he laughed.

It sounded just like Hans'.

"I look forward to it." He said and returned to his seat.

She pushed her good hand against her stomach to keep it quiet and thought of her sister.

_Elsa will come. Elsa will come. Elsa will come._

Or at least Anna hoped she would.

**o000o**

The door clicked and Elsa stared at it. Usually a closed door meant solitude, sanctuary, but not now - not yet. She still wasn't alone, and it was confusing.

"I need some time to think." She said, breath swirling out in frozen tendrils.

"Of course, My Queen." He didn't move, didn't understand what she meant.

"It would be best if I think alone." She still didn't look at him. She didn't dare while this winter raged around them. She couldn't.

Icicles clung to the mantle beneath her father's portrait, long and sharp. Frost crawled over his face, but still she felt those eyes watching her.

_Conceal._ He had said. _Don't feel. Don't let it show._

But she'd never been good at that. Never had been able to keep her curse from raging in her blood. She would never be done disappointing him.

"Actually, if it pleases My Queen, I would like to stay." His voice was a war of guard and man, duty and desire.

Her head dropped. She stared at the snow mounting around her feet.

_If it pleased her._ She felt the mirthless humor in that phrase because being queen had so little to do with what pleased her. She wanted him to stay. She needed him to go. She could still feel the press of his gloved hands around hers and it was too much right now. There was no room for the warmth he made her feel. Not now when there were wolves in her castle and her sister was missing. Not now when war clung to her skirts and her curse to her bones. Not now, not ever.

She squeezed her bare hands into the crooks of her arms.

"It isn't safe. You should go."

"It isn't my safety about which I am concerned, Queen Elsa." He said her name and a shiver shot down her spine.

She was building winter around them, icicles like spears growing from the walls, and he was concerned about her safety. No one was ever concerned with her safety. The sentiment was unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and she felt it splinter inside her chest.

"No. I am fine." She wanted him to go. She wanted him to stay. "Please go find my sister."

She kept her eyes trained on her buried feet. She knew the only thing worse than not seeing his face and all that it told would be to see it and know the truth irrevocably.

_Monster_ – The Duke had hissed, and she wasn't sure he was wrong.

"As you wish, My Queen." His voice was all guard now, stiff and controlled, but it was better that way.

She listened to the crunch of his boots in the snow.

The door opened.

The door shut.

Closed doors kept everyone safe. That was what she'd been taught. They kept her powers in and everyone else out, but Elsa didn't feel safe.

She felt alone.

**o000o**

_Just go._

They were at the back wall of the castle where they'd been watching the rotation of the guards for hours. Kristoff figured he had about fifteen minutes at best to scale the wall undetected.

"Not yet."

_When?_

"When I am ready."

Sven rolled his eyes. _We are going to be here forever._

"No. I'll go in the next gap. I will." Kristoff flexed his hands around the handles of his ice picks. He looked back up the wall, knowing he'd climbed mountains worse than this for less reward, but this was it. The point of no return. Once he climbed these walls, well...

"I will," this time to himself.

He had to.

**o000o**

She should have worn her gloves.

Gerda hadn't brought her a pair. She was used to dressing Anna. Anna who had no need for gloves in summer, who was not in her bed, who could be anywhere, who could be _gone._

She looked to the window, expecting to see the fjord stretching wide, but the glass was frosted over.

She looked down at her hands, sparking blue, and clenched them to fists.

_Monster –_

She thought of the king in her parlor, the traitor in her dungeon, the war at her gates, and yes - perhaps a monster was just what Arendelle needed.

**o000o**

"I punched your brother so hard he fell off a boat." Anna lay on her cot, her body achy, but she didn't want him to know that.

"You don't say?" Henrik dragged a knife over the end of a mop handle, bored.

"I do." Her throat felt like she swallowed sand. "I do say."

"You are far from the first to lay a hand on my brother and hopefully you aren't the last." He said, telling as much as he didn't.

"I would love to punch him again. In fact, I would love to line up all thirteen of you Southern Isle boys and punch you all in a row. I think I will ask of that for my birthday."

Henrik smirked, but she didn't see.

"I will be sure to pass on the message to my brothers at my earliest convenience." The knife rasped along the wood towards a sharp point. "They could use a good laugh."

**o000o**

His feet hit the courtyard cobblestones and he was not sure how he made it up and over undetected. Adrenaline sung through his body and made him move without thought, but he was thinking now. He ducked into a shadowed corner, back pressed against the cool stone, and thought.

He knew just how to get through the hallways of the castle to Anna's room. He also knew the best ways to enter without being caught. What he didn't know, however, was if Anna was in her room, or what he would do if she was - or wasn't. All of that had been too impossible to consider because it meant that she may not be with him for long.

He did know, however, that if there was at least a chance of seeing her again, of holding her one more time, then he would do anything. Anything.

He scanned the courtyard, and when he saw no one, he moved.

**o000o**

"We aren't moving." She sat now, back leaned against the rough wood of the hull, and her body shaky. She battled the dry fire in her throat.

He still whittled the same mop handle. "What makes you say that?"

"I can see the dock through that porthole." She nodded towards the porthole and Henrik looked. "And I can hear seagulls."

He chuckled and turned back to his whittling, working the wood to a menacing point.

"I see there is no fooling you." It could have been a compliment if anyone else had said it, but from him it felt like a slap.

"I could scream, you know." She wasn't actually sure if her throat would allow that, but she would try. "Someone would hear me. Someone would come."

_Elsa…!_

"I suppose you could if that is how you felt lead." He turned the mop over, inspecting his handiwork, as bored as ever with these conversations. He pulled one more decided stroke of his knife down the wood. "But I believe I may have a rather persuading reason why you won't."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" She wasn't scared of him, but her heart hadn't stopped hammering ever since he'd pulled out his whittling knife.

"Because you love Elsa." Anna's eye snapped open at her sister's name. "And you always do the craziest things for the ones you love."

**o000o**

When Gerda came to Elsa with her crown, the storm had not calmed. Elsa saw every crack of doubt and hesitation in her old nursemaid's expression. Gerda had known _everything_ about her curse from the beginning - and yet there was that lingering doubt in her eyes.

Gerda arranged Elsa's hair around her crown with practiced hands, but Elsa could feel them shake. Elsa wished she could offer some sort of reassurance, some promise that she would not hurt her, but she could not. She had nothing.

"There you are, Your Majesty." She handed Elsa a hand mirror to examine her work. Elsa looked in the mirror and all she saw was fear.

"Has anyone found the princess?" She couldn't do this alone. She needed her sister. They had a plan.

"No. Not yet, I'm afraid, Your Majesty." Gerda said. "But they will."

"How do you know?" Elsa clenched her fists against the storm around them.

There was a beat and then Gerda's hand found Elsa's shoulder, warm and rough. The unexpected heat made her ice run under its sincerity. "Because I have faith, Your Majesty."

_Faith._ Elsa surveyed the library. She didn't have any room for faith. All she had was her curse - and her plan with Anna. She had a plan.

"Do you know of any remaining Grand Council members from my grandfather's reign - or perhaps any of his advisors?" She focused on what she could control, on what was here now.

"That was oh so long ago, Your Majesty. Well before even my time at the palace, to be sure. My apologies."

Elsa nodded. Gerda was right. Her grandfather's reign was two lifetimes ago. The idea was frivolous - a way to talk to her sister the only way she knew how. She looked at her hands, mirror cradled in them on her lap. Frost crept in around its edges.

"So they are all gone," and the possible stories of her banished uncle with them.

"I'm afraid so, Your Majesty." Gerda squeezed her shoulder and Elsa felt the ice skitter.

_Her mother stood by the door while she, a young girl, wept alone on her bed. She knew better than to ask for a hug._

She handed the mirror to Gerda, but not before she caught one last glimpse of herself.

_You need to learn to love yourself._ Grand Pabbie had told her, but she couldn't. She looked in the mirror and all she saw was someone who was nothing but a disappointment, a curse. All she saw was a monster.

She wondered if anyone ever looked at her saw anything different. Captain Falk's face danced on the edge of her mind, but she pushed him aside. She could not entertain that.

"Thank you, Gerda. That will be all." She felt Gerda's hand leave her shoulder. The ice shot back to the place where warmth had once ruled.

The door opened.

The door shut.

**o000o**

He couldn't believe he made it. Anna's room was not familiar per say (he had not spent much time in it) but when he slipped inside her door it was like coming home. Her smell lingered in the air. He gulped in greedy lungfuls and sighed back against her door.

Just the idea that he was in her space, an area sacrosanct to her, was intoxicating. The idea of seeing her at any moment was, of being _so_ close, sent his nerves singing. He was so lost in the wonder of just _being_ for a few moments that he never had a chance when the knock came at the door.

"Princess Anna." A deep voice rumbled through the door and into his back.

Calm vanished. He launched off the wood in search of a place to hide. The handle on the door rattled.

"Princess Anna - we are coming in."

_Move!_ His mind screamed. _Run!_

But where? He froze. His heart slammed in his chest, he looked around for a place to seek cover, but it was too late.

The door opened.

Voices shouted.

The door shut.

**o000o**

"You can't hurt Elsa." The light through the portholes was long and orange.

"Mhm."

"She is too strong." Her voice was rusty nails.

"Mhm."

"She will freeze you into oblivion. She will stab your heart with ice. She will turn you into statues."

"And you think that anything you say is a grand revelation?" He looked at her from where he sat on a stool against the mast beam. "Why else do you think we are here?"

Anna's jaw worked, and then snapped shut. His expression was daggers, but her mind caught on one word.

"W-we?" She thought of Kristoff and tried to be brave, but faltered. "Here?"

"Oh damn. I've ruined the surprised. My brothers will be _so_ disappointed." He smirked and the floor fell out from under her. "Oh don't give me that look. You cannot have imaged I sailed this ship here all by my lonesome."

She had assumed a crew. She had assumed rough men with tattoos and false teeth. She hadn't dared allow the thought of _brothers_ to enter her thoughts.

" _He_ is here." She didn't ask. The gleam in Henrik's eye told her everything. "He is no match for Elsa. She will tear him down to nothing. She will shred him. She will - will -"

"Do anything to keep you safe." He cut her off with a smile and Anna thought of wolves.

**o000o**

She focused on breathing. The simple mechanics of drawing in and pushing out air was the only thing that didn't boil panic in her chest. It was the only thing that promised help in calming her raging thoughts and, in turn, the storm around her. She didn't think of her parents, or The Southern Isles, or war, or trolls, or Captain Falk, or _Anna_. She just breathed.

The world slowed around her. Bit by bit, the winter stilled until it was still frame around her. Then, and only then, in the complete calm did she close her eyes.

It all started with a deep hum in her bones.

_Who do you love, Elsa?_

She thought of Anna as child. She remembered soft cheeks and round eyes clenched shut in laughter, a painless memory of joy. The air circled around her.

_Who do you love, Elsa?_

She thought of her parents and how they'd striven to alleviate her affliction the best they knew how, how they never gave up, careful to not focus in on the details of their methods. Her skin tingled _everywhere_.

_Who do you love, Elsa?_

A flash of Captain Falk's face, dark and close, and her eyes flew open before that thought went any further.

Winter still clung to the edges of the room, but most of it had vanished to whatever hell her curse came from. Her inside rattled from exertion.

She needed Anna. This was easier with Anna. Where was Anna?

A knock came at the door, strong and insistent.

She stood and smoothed shaking hands down the front of her skirt. Her head throbbed.

"Come in." Those words still felt strange as her gaze flickered to the remaining icicles on the mantle.

The door opened.

A flurry of guards pushed through, Captain Falk at their front, and her heart stuttered.

If he noticed the lack of winter in the room, his expression did not indicate it. He was all guard and she was torn over it.

"My Queen." He bowed and she nodded.

"What is it Captain? Have you news of my sister?" She is aware of the bustle guards, but doesn't take her eyes off of the Captain. She'd been hard on him, harder than she'd meant to be, and she wished….

"No, My Queen." He said and she tried to steel herself, to fight against the winter knocking around inside of her. "But we did find this man in her room."

He directed her attention to the mass of humanity beside him and her breath caught. She'd know that blonde head and broad shoulders anywhere.

"Kristoff." But if he was here then where was Anna?

"Elsa – I'm sorry – I know you said to stay away and I tried –"

She shook her head. She didn't want excuses. She didn't want apologies. She wanted Anna.

"Where is my sister?" She asked and the way the blood drained from his face was no encouragement.

His eyes widened. "She isn't here?"

An arctic gust slammed the door shut.


	16. Chapter 16

"This really is a beautiful kingdom." King Petter stood at the windows and looked out at the North Mountain. "Strong fortifications, lush valleys… it almost seems a waste to give it to _you_."

Hans slumped in a stiff backed chair. "It isn't yours to give."

King Petter looked at him with a crooked brow.

"Yet." He said. "It isn't mine _yet_."

**o000o**

Elsa knew how few words it took to change a life.

 _Queen Elsa! Don't be the monster they fear you are!_ Ten.

 _Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it show._ Nine.

 _Tell the guards to open up the gates!_ Eight.

 _Your sister is dead because of you._ Seven.

 _You must learn to control it._ Six.

 _Fear will be your enemy._ Five.

 _The ship was lost._ Four.

And now three: _She isn't here?_

"How complete was your search of the palace, Captain?" Because if she wasn't out there with him, and she wasn't in here with her -

"My men and I searched every room and all of the grounds." Captain Falk held her gaze, steady, reassuring, but she still felt like she was splintering.

"What of the stables?" Grasping, clutching.

"Yes, My Queen." Reaching, striving.

"The servant's quarters?" Clenching, cracking.

"Yes, My Queen?" Trying, offering.

"What about the - the -" Tripping, failing because there were no more words. The tight ball of her thoughts exploded and it was like someone had pulled the rug out from under her.

She wasn't even aware that she was falling until two hands caught beneath her arms. She tried to stand, but her legs weren't working. Before she had time to say a word, one of the hands supporting her hooked beneath her knees and lifted. Her hand steadied herself against a broad uniformed chest. She knew what she would see, or rather _who_ she would see if she looked up. It would be _his_ face, close as it had ever been, and she wondered if he had any warmth left for her. She had been so cold.

His proximity urged her to look, to touch, and that idea should have been enough for her to find her strength again, to _move_. Instead she felt herself sink into the warmth racing under her skin. She found her body going limp and feeling, in the midst of all of this, safe. Her head hovered near his shoulder. _Dangerous -_ her mind hissed, but she wasn't listening. She wasn't thinking. For one moment, just one, she would be warm and selfish.

Then he set her on the couch. He withdrew his arms and she felt her curse scream back into place at his retreating warmth. Her head rolled back on a pillow. She blinked up at the ceiling, snowflakes swirling, and she has no room to lament their return. Her mind and heart are already full.

"Are you all right, My Queen?" He always seemed to be asking her that question. He knelt beside her, not touching but close - so close. Her tongue burned with elegies and epitaphs, but they stayed inside her.

All she said was: "Anna."

"We will find her, My Queen." It was a promise, but Elsa didn't know how he could keep it.

"She doesn't want to be found." Elsa looked past Captain Falk to where Kristoff stood surrounded by guardsmen. "She wants him."

**o000o**

"I don't like that she's kept us waiting." Hans fidgeted with his gloves. "It is annoying."

"I am sure Queen Elsa means it personally." King Petter ran a finger along the back of Han's chair.

"Very funny." Hans tensed at his brother's proximity, a learned behavior. "She probably does."

"Don't think so highly of yourself."

"You are the one who warned of a hostile reception. I anticipated that. This, the unaccompanied waiting, is unwarranted. She should have seen us by now."

"You always were so vain, even as a child." Petter's hand wandered to Han's shoulder and Hans gripped the arms of his chair. "Always too short sighted to see anything other than what was right in front of you."

Hans sat ramrod straight. "My failure to take Arendelle on my own had nothing to do with -"

Hans was cut off as Petter twisted a handful of Hans hair in his hand and yanked. Hans sprung out of his seat, following his brother's hand with a grunt to save his scalp. He'd known it was coming, but it still hurt.

"No, little brother." Petter's lip curled to a sneer. "It has everything to do with this."

**o000o**

Kristoff was worse for wear. A lump grew on the back of his head. The world blurred through his left eye and he was certain it was swelling shut. Fighting a band of guards hadn't been his smartest move, but hindsight was twenty-twenty. Still - he wasn't quite sure how he ended up in a snowing library with a collapsing queen saying something about Anna's being gone having to do with him.

"What?" He was confused if he was enemy or ally in her eyes. Elsa's glare didn't help.

"Anna ran away." She was still on the couch where the captain hovered close, too close. "She ran to be with you."

Kristoff's heart exploded and broke at the same time. Marina flashed in his mind. If he had just come back sooner, if he had just listened to Sven, this may have been a different story.

"Wait - I don't understand." He stepped forward only to be held back, manacles jangling.

Elsa pushed up, swinging her legs to the floor.

"Anna is gone. She went after you. Where did she go?" Ice spread from where her feet touch the ground.

Kristoff swallowed, throat tight. The idea of Anna leaving, of her trying to find him, had never crossed his mind. They'd never talked - he'd never imagined - if she wasn't here then….

"I - I don't know." His mind spun. She could never find The Valley of The Living Rock without him.

"Surely you have a place where she may attempt to force a rendezvous." She pushed up to stand, the storm around them gaining momentum as Elsa did. "A cabin, a shed, a place sacred to you where she would go to wait."

"No. I don't have anything like that." The guards around him shifted as the ice spread beneath their feet. Kristoff stood still.

"Where is she then?"

"I don't know!" He'd failed to plead his case to Elsa once before. He wouldn't make that mistake again. "I thought she was here - that is why _I_ am here. Why would I be here if I'd told her to meet me someplace else?"

Elsa's face clenched, the ice spreading onto every surface, and she dropped her chin to her chest. He could see her trembling through each deep breath. She looked like she was breaking apart and Kristoff knew what happened if she shattered.

"Someone will find her, or she will come back - or something. Anna will be fine." He tried to be reassuring but found it difficult when he was still trying to process everything. "Elsa…."

There is nothing else he could say. Her head came up, eyes meeting his, gaze so raw it chilled him.

"Hans is here."

**o000o**

Sven waited where Kristoff left him, wishing for carrots.

**o000o**

She knew he was still _right there_ at her side. It was difficult to think with him so close in her periphery. Everyone was watching. Could they see the warmth she felt at his nearness? Did they notice - understand? Did Kristoff?

She needed to change the subject, to shift focus. She looked down at the floor where her curse had spread beneath their feet, unable to pull it back, unable to conceal it. Nine words, her father's reprimand cut sharp and deep, tore through her mind. Her eyes shot back to Kristoff's because Queens don't look away.

"Hans is here." Her voice shook. She hated that it shook.

Kristoff blanched. "Hans? The same Hans who -"

"Yes." She didn't want to hear the end of that sentence. She had been there - for all of it.

"And you don't know where Anna is?" She watched the pieces fix together in his mind.

She tasted the failure even before she said the word: "No."

Elsa waited to see the disgust reflected in Kristoff's face at her failure, but it wasn't there. All she saw was the same panic she knew she felt. She saw someone as broken and desperate as she felt.

"We have to do something. We - we have to find her." He tried to step forward again, only to be stopped again. He glowered at his guards. "Let me help. I have to help."

He could be useful. He knew the area outside of the town better than any of her men. He knew Anna, but letting him help was dangerous. Letting him help meant letting him stay and letting him stay meant -

"Elsa, please." Kristoff said and she wished she couldn't feel Captain Falk's gaze burning into her temple.

He couldn't help, because if he helped – he stayed. If he stayed then he would be with Anna. An iceman and a princess was an impossible. It was impossible as a queen and a captain of the guards. Anger, bright and cold, flared to cover her confusion.

"If I say 'yes', if I allow you this, you must promise to leave after we find her and never return." She didn't look away, didn't falter as she lay down her terms, but a memory caught in her mind.

It felt like a lifetime ago when this mountain of a man bent under the weight of her request to leave Arendelle. She remembered the cold glint of understanding in his eyes when he named himself iceman. She remembered his resignation and hoped -

He screwed his chin up high. "No."

"Excuse me?" Elsa asked, ice crackling around them. It wasn't the answer she wanted.

"No." His mouth pressed a firm line. "I won't promise that."

A hysterical laugh choked out of her throat. His resistance caught her off guard.

"You do not seem to understand that that was not a question." A wind whipped up around them, cutting and cruel.

"You don't seem to understand that I am in love with Anna." His said and his face flushed crimson.

The air fell heavy at his admission. Her sister was gone because of him and he spoke of love. The idea of it blistered on her mind.

"You have no right." She thought of an iceman and a princess, a queen and a captain. "You cannot love her!"

_Impossible._

"I wish I didn't, but I do."

"Well stop it!" Like she could command such a thing, like a heart ever listened to reason, and the storm picked up force.

"If you don't want me to be with Anna then you better lock me up or turn me to ice or something because I will never stop loving her. I will never stop trying to be with her. If you send me back out there, if you banish me, you better hope you find her first." His eyes went hard. "Because if I do, you will never see her again."

Galvanic tremors shot through the air as icicles like spears grew from the walls. The room shifted to red and Elsa stepped forward.

"That sounded like a threat."

His hands clenched to fists. "And what if it was?"

She faltered, not expecting his defiance, but found strength in the curse racing through her blood.

"Threatening the crown is treason." She lifted sparking hands. "I am sure there is no need to tell you what the punishment is for that."

He stood taller. "There is nothing you can do to me that is worse than not being with Anna."

She stepped closer still, energy building in her palms, and the guards skittered out of the way. Every fiber of her being twitched, raw and throbbing. She needed him to leave, to accept defeat, because it made everything easier. It made everything right.

"I'm not so sure of that. Haven't you heard? I am a _monster_." Even closer now, needing control, needing him to recant because he said _love_ and it felt too much like what was building in her chest. It felt too much like a truth she couldn't face but he didn't move. He didn't even flinch.

Instead Kristoff frowned. "No you're not."

"Oh? And what am I then?" She dared him to rewrite history, to erase those words.

His face was soft, open. "A sister." He said. "And the only other person that loves Anna as much as I do."

Her curse sputtered on the thought of Anna, of loving her. The storm fizzled. Elsa looked to the flowing orbs in her palms and -

"Please Elsa."

She looked back at him. He wasn't afraid. He wasn't afraid of her. She glanced back at her palms, white orbs undulating, and she didn't understand why he wasn't afraid because she was. She was afraid. She was terrified.

"If you don't know where Anna is - I really do not see how you can be of any service." She stood as tall as she could in front of him, fighting back against her feelings as much as his.

"I will do _anything_." She believed him - which was part of the problem.

"You are already the reason why Princess Anna ran away." Careful to use her title, to drive that nail deeper. "I think you've done enough."

"Elsa -" He said and there was a strange pull in her gut at his use of her name.

"Don't call me that." It was too familiar. She cut him a glare, anger flaring. He stayed unflinching.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then -

"Who-a!" Olaf slid in through the open door, twigs waving. "I didn't know we were having a skating party. You should have told me!"

**o000o**

Anna watched Henrik eat his dinner from a tray on his lap. He'd fetched it moments before and afforded her the only alone time she'd had since she'd arrive aboard. She wished he'd stayed away.

"I'm so sorry to have to eat in front of you - terrible manners on my part." He dabbed a dribble of butter off of his chin. "But you've already had your rations for the day."

Anna thought of the stale bread and water hours ago and her stomach spasmed.

"Don't apologize to me. If I were your cook, I'd poison your food." She croaked and he shook his head.

"Now it is that attitude that makes my job so very difficult." He popped a bite of potato into his mouth. "If you would just be pleasant - agreeable even - I wouldn't have to endure the unscrupulous task of starving you."

She'd never known hate the way she knew it now.

"Or you could always let me go and crawl back under whatever Southern Isles sized rock you came from. A lot of unpleasantness could be avoided on all fronts that way."

He crossed his utensils on his plate, still full of food, and set it at his feet before regarding her. Her eyes followed it, wanting it.

"Ah - or I could just sit and wait where I am and watch the Southern Isles rock grow by Arendellians proportions."

Oh - her head hurt. Where was Elsa?

**o000o**

Olaf slid between Kristoff and Elsa, giggling. He stopped and looked around.

"Why is no one else skating?"

Everyone looked to Elsa. She wished they didn't.

"Oooooh is this another one of those times where I should have knocked? Because the door was open." He tapped his fingers together and then his eyes landed on the mountain man. "Kristoff! Oh! Anna will be so glad to see you!"

Elsa's heart jumped to her throat at the mention of her sister. Olaf! Of course. She sank to her knees, the winter frozen in place around her in her hope, and caught his attention.

"Olaf - this is very important." It was more than important. It was her sanity, her ability to control her curse, her everything. "When was the last time you saw Anna?"

"Oh - that's easy." Olaf shrugged. "I saw her this morning."

"When - where?" Her heart slammed against her ribs hard enough she thought they may break.

"It was early. Before anyone was awake. She was sleeping in your room, just like you said."

"How early?" She felt Captain Falk move behind her, felt Kristoff's tension like a vice.

"Just before the sun woke up."

 _Dawn._ That was so long ago - a whole day was practically gone - but it was better than nothing.

"Are you sure, Olaf? Are you sure that she there in my bed - that you saw her?" Her voice was tight.

"Yes. I went in and checked before they left her the fruit."

The room went dead, not even the ice made a sound, and Elsa's brain stuttered. She didn't understand. "They?"

"Yeah. The farmers." Olaf shrugged.

"What farmers?" The suspended slow flakes began to jitter.

"The farmers from the kitchen."

"What farmers from the kitchen?" The icicles grew.

"The ones who wanted to leave Anna's favorite fruit for her in her room. I showed them to _your_ room since I knew that you probably wouldn't appreciate Anna's favorite fruit the way she would." He smiled.

It was only too easy to connect the dots, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to see the clear path her mind was cutting to her worst nightmare. She should have never removed her guard. She should have never switched their rooms. She should have never - _never -_

_Elsa! What have you done?_

"Olaf." She felt her control slipping. "Did you see the farmers go into my room?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Did you see them when they left?" She fell back on her heels, shaking.

"No. Why?"

"You left them alone in my room?" The wind was back.

"Yeah. Why?"

She fell onto one hip, hand barely catching her fall, and she could taste her anxiety on the back of her tongue.

"Olaf." It is Kristoff now, Elsa's voice failing. "You are sure Anna was in that room when the farmers were?" He knelt too, Olaf turned to him.

"Yeah. Why?"

No one answered Olaf this time because the answer was impossible.

"Elsa." It was Kristoff again, his eyes meeting hers over the snowman's head. His eyes reflected the knowledge of an inescapable truth.

"Anna's gone." Two words - two words that changed everything. "She's gone - gone. She is gone. Someone _took_ her. She is gone. She is - she - she -" The words sped up as her thoughts hurled into chaos. Her chest heaved, but she couldn't get a breath. The world blurred to white as she felt her curse surge through her veins.

 _She was gone._ No. It was worse than that. _Anna was taken._

"Elsa!" She heard her name, felt impossibly large hands wrap around her biceps. "Elsa listen to me." The hands squeezed tighter - unavoidable warmth cut through her curse - pulling focus back to the world around her.

The first thing she saw was eyes - brown and determined. The rest of the room came into focus after. Sheets of ice covered everything, reds and purples moving through them, casting shadows on the iceman's face. The chains of his manacles bumped her chest.

"She's gone. Someone took her." Frost covered words and the room shook with winter.

"I know, but freezing Arendelle isn't going to bring her back."

She felt her curse everywhere, in every part of her, screaming like it had out on the fjord with a sword raised behind her back. _Hans_. Hans was here and Anna wasn't and -

"Elsa!" He shook her this time and she snapped back.

He was touching her. Had that been happening for long? He shouldn't be touching her. No one should. It wasn't safe. She wasn't safe, especially not like this. No one should see her like this.

Captain Falk - she attempted to struggle, but couldn't move. Her body locked up.

"She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone." The voice kept saying and it took a moment of her to realize that voice was hers.

"Anna isn't gone. She is out there somewhere waiting for us - for you." Kristoff's voice cut through the tidal waves crashing through her mind. "We can find her. We _will_ find her."

Elsa stared at him. She knew she was staring, but she couldn't stop, couldn't move, couldn't control her curse.

"Where?" It took every ounce of strength to form that word. "How?"

He was quiet for a moment, words not easy for him either, and she was sure there was nothing to ease this hurt. There was nothing to make this less horrible.

"When you - back when - at your coronation - you know," he started, and she did know. "Well after you left, Anna found - well I found - we kinda found each other and I thought she was crazy. She _was_ crazy, but she believed with her whole heart that she could find you and make things right." Kristoff said and it was like Elsa was hearing him for the first time. "So I think that is what we do. I think that to bring Anna back, we have to be like Anna."

Elsa shook. Little parts of her breaking, falling around her, because she has no idea where to begin with that. She wasn't fearless like her sister. She wasn't brave. She couldn't love, couldn't feel, couldn't do anything the way Anna could. She wasn't -

 _You must learn to love yourself._ Grand Pabbie had said, but what was there to love without Anna here to make her whole?

"I can't -" Elsa could not wrap her mind around any of this. "She left me."

"No." Kristoff's hands held her tight, scattering her curse, keeping her from falling entirely.

"Anna didn't run. She didn't leave us." His battered face sought hers. "Anna didn't run."

"Anna didn't run." Elsa repeated, meeting his eyes. "Anna didn't choose to leave me."

"She didn't run away." Kristoff repeated, truth washing over her.

"But she's gone. They took her. I can't -"

"We will get her back."

An ice filled wind cut through the room.

"Elsa - we _will_ find her." Kristoff's hands rubbed heat into her skin, friction blistering. "You aren't the only one who needs her."

Elsa saw his face soften, his own brokenness bleeding through. A piece shifted in her chest and clicked into place. To love someone was to need them. It made sense, but….

Captain Falk was giving orders in the background, fast and low, but she heard his voice above the storm. She needed.

"We will find her." She repeated because to love was to need and she _needed_.

"We will find her." To love - as Kristoff loved Anna.

"We will." To need - as Anna needed Kristoff.

To love. To need. Captain Falk in her periphery -

"Let me help you."

To love -

"Let me help Anna."

To need -

"Please."

To open her heart and change her mind.

One word to change it all.

"Okay."


	17. Chapter 17

Before Kristoff swam the fjord to the bank of the castle wall, he never thought he and Sven would make it undetected. When they did make it, he never expected to make it over the walls. When he made it to the courtyard, he never expected he'd make it all the way to Anna's room. Once he made it there, he never expected guards to come in, arrest him, and drag him in front of Elsa. Least of all, he had never expected Elsa to agree to anything that involved him being close to Anna.

Then:

"Okay." She said, and it took him a moment to understand. He thought he had ice in his ears, that maybe the wind was blowing too strongly, because it sounded like she just agreed with him.

"Okay?" He repeated, cheeks stinging numb as the storm settled around them. "Like okay okay?" He peers down at her face, his entire existence boiled down to her response.

"Kristoff," she said, shaking in his grip as she met his gaze, retreating ice groaning around them. "You must understand something."

"Yeah?" He expected her to take it back, to reconsider in the aftermath, and he braced to fight back.

"There are rules that have been in place since - I didn't make them. I didn't make the rules." Her eyes begged him to understand, told him she was still too scattered to walk him through this. "You must understand."

He had a feeling this was as close as he was going to get to an apology for his near-banishment, an explanation for the way she was, and while he wasn't clear on what she meant in entirety he knew better than to push.

"Yeah. I do." Or at least he hoped he did. He squeezed her arms, as thin as Anna's, and he wondered if bones could break when they were filled with magic. "But it seems like I am lousy at following rules, so I think this might all work out just fine."

It may have just been wishful thinking, but after he said that, he was pretty sure he saw Elsa smile.

**o000o**

"Something is wrong. She should have come by now. She is up to something." Hans paced on the opposite side of the room of his brother, well out of reach. The bloom of a bruise colored one aristocratic cheekbone.

"Paranoia and anxiety never look good on royalty. You must eschew them." King Petter's mouth is tight with frustration.

Hans glared. "You haven't seen the stretch of her capabilities. I battled a snow monster of her creation, tall as any castle wall, with fangs and claws. Dedrik was never able -"

"That is not a name you are to use here." King Petter interrupted, rising from his seat like a lion after a kill.

Hans cowered, years forcing his reaction. He knew just what that look meant. He tried to pull up a good face in wake of his cowardice.

"You haven't seen what she can do." Hans says, voice calm, deadly, just as he had been taught.

King Petter looks out the window again, North Mountain looming in the distance, and he cannot help his smile.

"Ah, but I cannot wait to."

**o000o**

Her throat felt like the porous black rock her father had brought back after a voyage, a token of a place she dreamed of seeing while knowing she never would.

 _This is what happens when lava turns cold._ He had said after he explained just what volcanos were and how they worked.

She'd turned it over and over in her hands then and wondered at rock so hot that it ran in rivers just to freeze to what she held now.

 _That is impossible!_ She had frowned and her father had chuckled.

 _The world is full of impossible things, little one_. He'd said and ruffled her hair. She'd leaned into the rare touch.

 _But how?_ She asked. _How can impossible things exist?_ His eyes had grown far away then, and now she knew he had been thinking of Elsa.

 _It seems to me that most impossible things exist to remind us that nothing really is._ He'd said, and she hadn't understood then, but she did now.

She'd thought of escape so many times, looking for cracks or chinks to exploit and free herself, but found none. Every passing moment, hungry and aching she searched. Every passing moment added to the mounting despair on her shoulders.

_The world is full of impossible things._

Thing like sisters with ice magic, talking snowmen, and a frozen July. She thought of how gentle a man as strong as Kristoff could be, how hands of iron turned silk, and . These were thing that should be impossible, but weren't, and she looked at her cell door, at Henrik, and she knew.

_It seems to me that most impossible things exist to remind us that nothing really is._

"Nothing is impossible." She whispered with a smile, and Henrik looked up from the book he was reading.

"Do I even dare ask what you are mumbling over there?"

Her smile just widened.

"Just wondering what you will look like with icicles dripping from your nose."

**o000o**

Elsa took a moment on the floor after Kristoff stood. She just needed that one moment more to ensure her legs would support her when she stood because queens did not fall down, and she'd already broken that rule more than once. Olaf skated around the chair in her periphery, slipping and sliding on groaning ice, and there was work to do. She girded herself and pressed her feet against the slick ground.

A hand caught under her elbow to steady her. The touch was familiar now. She knew the weight and shape of that hand.

"Captain, we need to -" she attempted to cover her fluttering heart with commands, but he didn't give her a chance.

"Forgive me, but I have already sent guards to the gatehouse, the garrison, and the barracks. If anyone has seen or heard anything within these walls, we will know within the half hour, My Queen."

His hand lingered after she found her feet. She could feel his heat at her side, her curse chasing itself through her blood to get away from where he touched her. She should correct him for interrupting, for giving orders before she commanded, for standing oh so close. She should, but she doesn't. She couldn't even look at him and that was when she caught Kristoff's gaze. He stood in front of her, alone and manacled, with a look that said he saw this exchange and worse still that he understood the familiarity it bore. A familiarity she could not allow herself. She stepped to the side, feet crunching on still present snow, and fought to control her trembling hands.

"Very good, Captain. Thank you." She looked at him. His face stayed open and expectant. He looked at her as a man, and her heart stuttered. "Send whatever guards you have available to scour the town and surrounding areas." And it sounded little like A Queen, more like warm honey trickling past her teeth, and a panicked feeling rose with every soft syllable.

"Yes, My Queen." He looked straight at her, gray skies meeting blue, and he should not, she should not.

She didn't make the rules, but she followed them. She had to. Did she not?

She took another step back, nails cutting into her palms, and tried to hold his gaze because queens, queens - "Send troops to every farm within a day's journey of Arendelle. We will find who did this."

Kristoff coughed and her gaze tore to him, as glad for the reason to look away as she was annoyed by the sound.

"What? You disagree?" She cocked one eyebrow, needing the charge of authority to come back into her blood.

"Well - yeah. You aren't going to find her on a farm because there is no way a farmer took her. Farmers don't just take princesses." He said and Elsa didn't understand.

"But Olaf said it was farmers."

"You really think a bunch of farmers managed to break into a castle and kidnap a princess?" Kristoff spread his hands as wide as he could still bound.

" _You_ managed to break in." Elsa felt the bite come back to her voice.

"Yeah, barely, and only because I know my way around this place. I didn't even come close to making it out. Much less with a princess sized package." Kristoff said.

"But Olaf said -"

"Olaf is a _snowman_! He talks to flowers like they talk back. He thinks the blacksmith is Thor. Olaf led whoever took Anna straight to her and then just left." He choked down a disbelieving laugh. "You really think I am going to believe him when tells me that a bunch of farmers took Anna?"

Elsa pulled her chin up high. His words rang with truth she had been trying to ignore because if they didn't have Olaf's testimony - they had nothing. They had no way of finding Anna. They had no idea where to start. The idea sent dizzy anxiety through her blood. There'd been no note, no ransom, just an empty bed. There had been nothing.

"Then who took my sister?" Her voice held some of the edge she'd been looking for.

Kristoff looked to his side like he expected someone to be there, but there was only air. He looked back at Elsa. "I don't know."

A new voice cleared its throat at the door. Elsa's attention turned.

"A thousand pardons, Your Majesty," It was Kai. He bowed without so much as a flick of the eyebrow towards the iceman in chains or the guardsman still standing much too close to the queen, but Elsa knew he didn't miss a thing. Kai never did. "But the hour grows late. Will you take dinner before your audience with the Southern Isles, or after?"

She looked at the flushed butler in the doorway, mind whirling, and a piece snapped into place. The Southern Isles were _here_ and her sister _wasn't_. She wasn't naive enough to believe in coincidence.

"After." She managed around the fist of panicked rage clenching her throat. "Please tell the kitchen I will take my dinner after."

Kai nodded, face pulled with disdain over her continued intent to meet with the Southern Isles, because he couldn't understand what could drive her to do so. He could not imagine threats of war, a man crying family locked in the dungeon, a sister stolen from her bed in the night without reason but that was exactly why she needed to speak with them as soon as possible.

She stared at the door, still left open until a gust she hadn't meant to summon slammed it shut. If she had just kept the doors shut -

"There was no note." She said to no one in particular, just needing to hear the words to make sure they sounded sane.

"I beg your pardon, My Queen?" Captain Falk edged closer as the ice turned red around them.

"In my room, this morning - after. There was no note, no ransom requested in exchange for Princess Anna." She looked to the captain, daring him to prove her wrong. "No one has demanded a thing for her safe return. Have they?"

His brow furrowed, eyes a storm atop broad cheekbones, and she didn't remember when he started meeting her eyes instead of politely looking beyond her.

"No. No there was no note, no demands."

Because they didn't need to leave one.

Because they planned on enumerating their terms in person.

Because farmers didn't take princesses from queens' beds in the middle of the night, but enemies surely did.

"Farmers didn't take Anna." She looked at the iceman, his face a question for her to answer, and she would. She had to. "The Southern Isles did."

**o000o**

Kristoff rubbed his newly freed wrists, glad to be rid of the manacles, but feeling less at ease than ever. The captain at his side was pulled so stiff it looked as though he would burst at his seams. It didn't take too much to guess exactly why he was wound as tightly as a watchmaker's gears. After all, he'd been there when Elsa dismissed him with orders to aid in Sven's retrieval and then wait for further instructions. He'd heard the captain's objection - his plea to stay for Elsa's protection - and seen the man's disappointment at her rejection as well as heard the hesitation in Elsa's command and the flicker in her resolve.

But the emotional state of his companion and potential complications beyond it were not his foremost concern. There, blazing bright at the front of his mind, was Anna - always Anna. The potential that anyone from the Southern Isles could lay a finger on her once more set his mind on war. If a single hair on Anna's head came to harm, the price would be blood. He didn't care much how, just so long as she was by his side once more.

They were walking along the allure when Captain Falk broke their respective silence.

"Who exactly is this Sven?" The Captain's speech was as clipped and hard as his stride. "An accomplice? A man on the inside who assisted your entry?"

"He's my reindeer." Kristoff threw a sidelong glance at his uniformed companion just in time to see him stiffen and stop dead in his tracks. Kristoff stopped as well.

The Captain turned and looked him dead in the eyes. While the Captain wasn't quite as tall as Kristoff, he was close, and Kristoff felt his muscle tighten in anticipation. It was not that he was itching for a fight. He had already had one only a few hours ago, but the Captain on the other hand looked ready to jump out of his skin.

"You mean to tell me that this castle, which has not been breached in centuries I might add, was infiltrated by an iceman and a reindeer?" His tone made it clear that this was not a compliment and Kristoff bristled.

"Look - I didn't mean to ruffle any feathers. It was just the only way I could see Anna."

" _Princess_ Anna."

The reminder set Kristoff's teeth on edge. He pulled his shoulders and looked down his nose, using the few inches he had on the Captain to full advantage. "No. Anna, just Anna, because she may be your princess, but she is my everything and there no word big enough to explain how that feels so to me she is just Anna. Got it?"

The Captain is quiet, jaw locked tight, and Kristoff can see a war there on his face that he does not have time to understand. "No matter how you feel - she will always be the Princess of Arendelle. Feelings do not alter facts."

He did not yell, but Kristoff felt the words scream through him. If he were a different man, a gentleman, he may have conceded to Captain Falk's point. He may have taken it in stride, reminding himself of the logic and sound reason of the man's words, because there was unarguable truth in them, but Kristoff was not a better man. He was an exhausted, battle-sore man who had punished himself more thoroughly than this uniform ever could. He was sweat, blood, and rough edges and he had no room for uninvited commentary.

"Look, all I want to do is get Sven and find Anna. I got in here all right by myself and I will get out by myself. All right? So if you'll excuse me." Kristoff bowed a parody and turned to go when a hard hand caught his arm.

He turned to see the Captain's face just as firm and fast as his own resolve. "Queen Elsa gave explicit instructions to _wait_."

Kristoff shoved the hand off of his arm. "She gave _you_ explicit instructions to wait. She told me to go get Sven, which is what I am doing, and you are out of your mind if you think I am going to sit around here while Anna is gods know where with the rats of the Southern Isles!"

Captain Falk stepped closer. "I will have you arrested."

"No. You won't."

"What makes you so sure?"

Kristoff took a fortifying breath against the anger swelling in his chest. "Because you know that neither of are doing any good just sitting here waiting. Not for Anna, not for Elsa, not for anybody."

The Captain's gaze did not falter, but there was a shift in his expression so small that Kristoff wondered if he imagined it. He did not have time to ponder it because a guardsman appeared behind them on the allure and with a message for Captain Falk. No one had seen the princess come or go from the gates or anywhere within the castle. No one had noticed anything strange about the morning merchants. No one knew anything and Kristoff moved before anyone had a chance to stop him. He reached the place on the wall that he had scaled hours before and pulled out his pack for the necessary supplies before Captain Falk caught up to him.

"What are you doing?" He asked as if he did not know.

"Anna is out there, somewhere, and I am going to find her." Kristoff swung his legs over the edge of the castle wall, his movements sure.

The captain looked out over the edge, water lapping against the small shore surrounding the castle, the mangy Sven waiting below. "But how will you get to shore?"

"We swam in." Kristoff adjusted his pack and his position. "We'll swim right back out."

With that he began his descent. Captain Falk did nothing to stop him.

**o000o**

The dungeons were dank and dark. The scent of rotting flesh and waste mixed with salt from the fjord and burned her eyes, her nose, as she followed a jailer down dim stone hallways. Somewhere within the depths, she heard someone crying.

Outside the brief time she found herself a prisoner in her own right, she had never been down here. The corridors were threatening in their unfamiliarity, and she had the fleeting thought that perhaps she should not have sent Captain Falk away with Kristoff. She shook that thought loose before it could dig roots in her mind. She needed to do this alone, needed to prove to herself that she could, and now was no time to waver.

They stopped in front of a door, heavy wood inset with metal crossbeams, and the jailer pulled a ring of thick metal keys from his belt.

Her stomach fluttered at the clunk of tumblers twisting, a sound that once bore her into safety and solitude, but now delivered her to evil. She used the uneasy wings of her butterflies to fan the flame that sparked back in the library. The spark had come the moment she realized that the appearance of The Southern Isles and her sister's disappearance could not be a coincidence. She didn't have the luxury of believing in the fairy tale of coincidence and she would use any and every instance she had to gain the upper hand.

The door opened and the jailer made move to enter with her. She held up her hand and he stopped.

"No." She said, eyes already focused onto the figure by the cell window. "This I will do myself."

She was inside with the door closed behind her within the moment. The late afternoon light shone through the barred window, casting a long shadow of the man sitting in front of it across dirty cobbles. The solid turn of tumblers sent a shiver down her spine, but not from fear. It was her magic tripping along her bones and sinews, dancing in a way with which she was unfamiliar as her would-be-uncle turned from his place and smiled.

"Ah there you are." His body unfolded one stitch at a time until he was standing. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a decent cup of tea here?" He chuckled, and the sound grated.

"The Southern Isles are here. You will tell me why or I will personally see to it that adequate tea is the last of your worries."

"And just how would I come to hold such knowledge? I am held in your prison with none allowed to come to me but you. Before that I fled the safety of the Southern Isles in attempt to warn you about the dire situation in which Arendelle has seemed to find itself." His words were snakes crawling into her mind and she steeled her thoughts against them. "From what I shared with you already, I would think a smart girl like yourself could deduce the reason why The Southern Isles have appeared in your fjord."

"I know the reason. What I want to know is your part in it." Elsa would not let him turn this into a game of riddles. She would not let him flip the conversation on its head. "You sought refuge there for decades. You spent more of your life within their gates than within ours, and now they appear the same moment my sister goes missing. Only a fool would not smell a rat."

"Your sister?" He laughs outright now, teeth flashing in the yellow light. "Oh now that is most interesting. How exactly does one misplace a sister?"

"One does not, which is exactly why I am here." Her curse crackled in her skin to hear this man speak of Anna. "You claim to be my uncle, first born of my grandfather, and yet you make no claim to the throne. You speak of family, yet laugh at the idea of your niece gone missing. You left the comfort of sanctuary to face imprisonment and yet you seem unconcerned. Some would applaud your bravado, but I do not." She steeled herself against the malicious wink in his too-familiar eyes. "Now I will ask you this once and once only. Refuse to answer and I will gladly test the depth of your boldness. What is your purpose here?"

The lines of his old face pulled into such a self-assured smirk that Elsa hoped that he would not answer her just so she would have an excuse to remove it herself. He looks at the ground with a breathless laugh before meeting her eyes once more with a look no less than predatory. She cements her feet to the ground.

"I am here Elsa," he held out a genteel hand, palm up, and an all too familiar ball of blue sparks gathers above his skin, "Because I am like you."


	18. Chapter 18

Kristoff was a planner. Well he was a planner in the sense that he always knew what he needed to do (harvest ice, sell ice, feed Sven...) and when it needed to be done (now, forever, always…), but he was now realizing just how much more was needed for a solid plan beyond the idea of "find Anna".

He dripped on the dock, slumped on hands and knees next to his constant companion, and sucked deep, selfish breaths. For the second time today he was wet, freezing, and exhausted. This time, however, there was no promise of an end, no Anna waiting for him with bright eyes and open arms. There was nothing and it was all his fault.

Or it was all her fault.

Or neither.

Or both.

Olaf?

His mind fogged a bit, delirious with cold and exhaustion, and perhaps the fault of the situation was of little matter at this point.

What did matter, however, was that Anna was out there somewhere, and somehow he was going to find her, but first he needed a plan. A real plan. He sunk back on his heels, the palace looking lifetimes away in the dying light, and breathed.

**o000o**

Elsa was cold.

It took her a moment to realize, to identify, the numbness in her extremities, the shaking of her body, the chattering of her teeth because she had never felt cold before. She controlled the cold. She was the cold, but it had never touched her. That was until now. Now she felt it wrap itself around her and _squeeze._

Snow swirled in the air, but the flakes were not hers. They were his, the wolf with her father's eyes and her curse, and the world tilted. She caught her hand against the wall and felt, for the first time, what ice really felt like.

"What are you doing?" She wanted it to be hard, a demand more than a question, but as always reality fell short of expectation. "Who are you?"

"I am family." His lips pulled back, more growl than grace, and his implication made her skin crawl.

"No." She thought of her real family - of Anna - remembered her strength, and straightened. "This is all some trick."

"You of all people know just how real this is." He opened his hands wider, the snow increasing. "This gift runs in my blood the same as it runs in yours. The same as it will run in your first born." He stepped closer. "We come from a long, proud race, Elsa. It is deeper and stronger than any other bond you think you may have."

 _Anna_ \- the thought is truncated when he stepped again, toe to toe with Elsa now.

She did not step back, did not give ground, no matter how close he pressed. She stood still though she fought the growing urge to run at every moment. This time, however, the urge was not from fear. No - the opposite. She wanted to run because she was unafraid.

As the initial shock faded to a dull roar, she was aware of the want to stay exactly where she was. For the first time in her entire life - she was with someone just like her, with someone who knew just what it was to have ice in their blood and bones, someone who understood.

She was not alone, but somehow this boon of companionship failed to salve the wounds she always imagined it would.

The weight of her crown pressed hard on her scalp. "Why tell me this now? What do you want?"

He was taller than she, looming over her in the midst of the storm, and those eyes winked dark merriment at her. "I want _everything_."

**o000o**

_So - what now?_ If Sven had thumbs, he would be twiddling them.

They were still on the docks, the sun almost gone, just sitting, staring, as Kristoff's mind sifted through ten thousand fragments to find one good enough to use as his plan's foundation. So far though, it looked bleak.

"I - I'm not sure buddy."

_Because I don't think Anna is just going to walk by while we sit here. Just sitting. Doing nothing._

"I know that."

_And it is getting cold. And I'm hungry._

"Seriously? Do you ever think with anything but your stomach?"

_All I'm saying is that if you want to sit and think - we might as well sit and think somewhere warm - with food._

Kristoff had to concede that Sven had a point. He always thought better when he was in motion. That was his problem now, he decided. The plan would come to him if he started moving - a little food would not hurt the situation either.

"Fine." He pressed up with a groan, back cracking, muscles creaking, and he would have to remember to personally thank the guards that gave him so many lovely bruises. "We will get something to eat - but only because I cannot handle you complaining for the next - well -" His mind stumbled a bit to realize that he had no idea how long this search could take, but he knew he would not stop until he found her. "Never mind."

They set off along the weathered wood of the docks, boards groaning, and Sven nosed Kristoff's shoulder.

_We are going to find her, Kristoff. Soon._

"Oh yeah? What's got you so sure about that?"

_I can feel it in my bones._

Kristoff wrapped his arm around Sven's neck. "I hope you're right, buddy. Boy do I hope you're right."

**o000o**

The way he said _everything_ sent worried shimmers through her blood. She had heard Anna say things of similar sentiment, but with her the wish was always hyperbolic, grandiose. When he said it - it sounded literal. _Everything_ \- her eyes look towards the frosted window to where she knew her kingdom lay.

"You are hardly in a position to make such a request." She felt her magic twitch under her skin, responding to the proximity of its likeness. She knew this magic, the nature and shape of it, but it was so different to not be the one in control of it. As the flakes multiplied and swirled the singing in her blood intensified, crying out in recognition. It would be so easy to let it slip out, to add it to his, but she clamped down against it.

What would happen if their magics mixed? How easily she had frozen the kingdom alone. How little would it take for them together to do even worse?

"Am I not? I apologize. I was simply being honest."

She almost laughed at that but doubted he would get the joke. The sound choked in her throat.

"But you see -" the corners of his eyes softened, a sight yet unseen, and her breath caught at it as much as they had at the blue sparks. "I offer everything to you as well."

She did not see. She did not understand. Those eyes - softer now and so familiar - made her hope that she might, made her hope for something she lost so long ago, made her think that maybe - maybe - she could prove to him that she was more than a disappointment.

No. That dream lay on the bottom of the ocean. "You have nothing to give."

He laughed, a rumbling chuckle, and she thought how rude it was that he should laugh at her expense when she had not at his.

"Ah my darling." His hands went wide to motion at the winter around them. "When you are like us - you always have something to give." The corners of his lips curled like burning paper. "Or - more importantly - something to take."

**o000o**

His sleigh was stored safe and dry in the port stables. No one had questioned him when he had stored it but not his reindeer. No one commented on the fresh lacquer or the fact that this sleigh was top-of-the-line and practically brand new. No one mentioned the princess or that the recognized him from one of the outings Anna had required of them. No one knew him from Adam and - in a way - that was refreshing. In the past few weeks of what felt like total lack of anonymity, his mind eased at the idea of blending in.

It was the first time he could remember something feeling normal since before The Great Freeze. He knew he could not hold onto the feeling forever, not fulfill the deepest needs of his heart, but he savored it anyway. In only a bit, he knew, when he found Anna he would no longer so invisible.

He was still wet from his swim when he made it back to the stables to feed Sven and think. The boy on duty was unbothered by this, not giving them a second look at he counted the coin Kristoff gave him for feed. Shaggy and impudent - Kristoff recognized a lot of himself in the youth. The thought was fleeting. It was something he never would have considered before Anna, never would have looked outside of himself to notice. She made him more aware of others, of himself, and he could not hide that even if no one looked for it.

He thought for a moment to ask from where he came - if his story had a similar history to his own - but the boy gave him change before he could muster the courage. The boy walked to a large barrel. He opened it and pulled out a bag of feed half his size and brought it to Kristoff.

"We charge extra for feed bags." The boy said, doing his best to not struggle under the weight of the bag.

"I think we've got it from here." Kristoff took the grain, noting the weight of it. "Thanks."

The boy shrugged.

If Anna were here, she would have said something else. She would have asked the boy's name or compelled it out of him simply by her presence, but Kristoff was no Anna. So he shouldered the grain, took Sven's lead, and walked him back to a stall without another word.

**o000o**

_Something to take_.

The words rang in her mind - shaking loose the fog of misdirection. His words and proximity left her off balance. The revelation of his magic had distracted her. She had lost focus, but there it was pulling together pieces scattered all too easily.

_Something to take._

She had come here to talk about The Southern Isles. He would never tell her anything - not directly. She could see that in the cut of his smile, the light in those too familiar eyes. She had to earn it.

_Something to take._

Her mind cranked.

_Something. Something. Something - or…_

The parts were all there. She could see them now lined up like lampposts in a forest. Her hands fisted at her sides, habit as the magic began to bubble up alongside her anger. After all, she did not believe in coincidence.

_Not something. Someone. Someone to take._

Her jaw clenches. "Where is she?"

He smiled like a reward, like he is so proud of how she solved his puzzle. "Where is who, my darling?"

They both knew the answer to that question.

He loomed now, pulling to his full height and edging towards her. The storm picked up speed in a way too familiar to Elsa and a chill shot down her back but she did not yield. She did not step back.

 _You belong here. He does not_.

The revelation sprung forth with burning clarity, slicing through the winter crowding her vision and she snatched it from the air as a beacon of life, of hope. It seared the palm of her mind. The thought was so unlike her others, such an _Anna_ shaped thought, as if her sister had come up and whispered it in her ear.

 _You belong here_.

She planted that idea and let it root her feet where they stood.

"Whatever game it is you think you are playing - you will lose. I guarantee you that."

Her statement only left him looking even more pleased. Magic pulsed beneath her skin like a second heart. If she were to try and freeze his heart - what would happen?

He held out his hands again, palms up with fingers arched like claws, and never took those eyes off of hers as the magic pulled back straight into his skin. She did her best not to stare but she had never seen it done, never known what it looked like to absorb that power right back inside. Her magic always dissipated in the air, never came back to her, and she wondered what that felt like.

Once the whole of it was gone, each flake and spiral of frost returned to its maker, she realized she held her breath for the process. Like somehow, if she had even exhaled, he would have sucked every fiber inside of him the way he had the magics. The thought is thick and unnerving.

 _You belong here_.

She stood as tall as she could.

"Oh Elsa." He clucked his tongue. "It is unfortunate how much you are like your father."

He said it like it was a bad thing and the idea of that shook her to the core. Her father was good, fair, strong -

 _No Elsa. You are not trying hard enough._ Frost climbed up window panes. _You have to try harder._

The memory choked her and those eyes - those too familiar eyes - said he saw it all, but it was not his to see. None of this was. She owed this man in this cell nothing. He did not belong.

She turned on a heel, marched to the cell door, and knocked.

The guard opened it without hesitation and she stepped out without so much as a look over her shoulder.

It was not until the door shut behind her, the lock sliding back into place, that she realized she was trembling.

**o000o**

Anna would not call it sleep because it still hurt, but she was definitely not awake - or at least not alert. Her mind felt thick, thoughts oozing instead of firing, and she wanted to swallow but there was nothing in her mouth.

She must have moaned, sighed, made some sort of noise because she heard a chuckle. If she had anything left in her, the sound alone would have made her vomit.

She pushed that aside and filled her mind with thoughts of laughter, warmth, and sandwiches.

**o000o**

She told the guards to put iron boxes over Dedrik's hands the way they had with hers when she was out of control. The comparison made the guards uneasy, but it was not her job to ease their minds. It was her job to tell them theirs. So she told them.

She told them also to have two guards in the cell with him at all times with two more outside. The inner guards were to have crossbows at the ready to use judicially if anything seemed suspicious. There were too many moving pieces in this puzzle to solve it so she would immobilize what she could.

The entire time she gave the orders, she expected Captain Falk to appear and reinforce everything she said with his approving presence. He never did, however, and she had to check the swell of disappointment she felt at that. He was doing his job whenever he was and she was doing hers and she could ask for nothing more than that.

Could she?

**o000o**

The curry comb cut through Sven's thick coat as he munched on his grain. Sweep after sweep down the long curve of the animal's damp back, neck, sides put a pleasant burn in Kristoff's shoulders. It made his blood pump which, in turn, calmed his mind as he knew it would and now he could plan.

He tallied the things he knew for certain: Anna was almost a day missing, The Southern Isles were here, and he had made some bold promises in the wake of breaking into the palace.

It was not much, but it was what he had, so he went with it.

He thought with each long stroke down his friend's fur. He thought and planned until Sven's coat was dry and shone a lustrous brown. Kristoff stepped back and wiped his brow on his sleeve. He unhooked Sven's feedbag and rubbed his friend's muzzle.

He knew what they had to do.

_I think to bring Anna back, we have to be like Anna._

The thought rang truer now than ever.

"Sven. We need to go back to the palace." He said and his companion's jaw dropped in exhausted disbelief. "Don't worry buddy. This time we'll use the gate."

**o000o**

The hallway stretched for millennia, eons, and her heart matched staccato steps as she crossed it one hard stride at a time. There were rules. Rules and codes and Kingdoms were not supposed to send princes with a silver tongue filled with venom and break a sister's heart. They were not supposed to harbor banished uncles to use in power plays at the worst moment possible. They were not supposed to arrive uninvited and unannounced. They were not supposed to sneak into other kingdoms bedrooms and snatch royalty.

There were rules.

There were, but if they had no time for them then she did not either. Now all she had was anger, dark purple and writhing beneath her skin, and she had no room to mind the frost spreading beneath her every step.

She did not wait for the guard to herald her entrance. She did not hesitate for courage or to gather her breath. She pressed into the room with fury fueled by the quaking energy in her gut.

"Ah - here she is. Queen Elsa, we have been waiting -" King Petter rose from his chair to greet her but was cut off.

"What have you done with my sister?" She kept her eyes fastened hard on the king, knowing Hans was swimming somewhere in her periphery, but unable to trust herself enough to look at his directly without freezing his heart.

King Petter's mouth cut a dark slash across his face, not a smile, but a warning. "Tsk. Young Hans said the royals of Arendelle were ill groomed, but I hardly thought to believe him since it so rare anything that comes from him is more than farce." He raised an auspicious eyebrow. "But you know that all too well, don't you?"

"You are not welcome here. I made myself perfectly clear in the edict I commissioned along with your prince -"

"Oh I read the edict. Extremely touching, heartfelt piece of diplomacy that it was, but rather brash - do you not agree?" He crossed to a side table where a tray sat with a decanter and glasses. He poured himself a glass of wine. "To cut off all ties of trade, parity, or support with two of your closest allies - unions fostered and grown through generations - because of one small slight was not the most inspired maneuver."

He took a swallow.

"Your brother attempted regicide. Hardly a small slight." Her hands balled to fists.

"Or he attempted to save your kingdom, rule it fairly after you left it a frozen tundra and your sister fled in your footsteps leaving your citizens at the mercy of your elements." He drew closer as he spoke, drink swirling in his hand. "He - a benevolent savior willing to do what he had to to ensure that Arendelle continued its legacy of prosperity while you? Well - you ruled for less than a day before the stresses of rule were just too much for you."

Elsa stayed put. Her Anna thought burned - _you belong here -_ and she hoped they felt the fire of it the way she did.

"As good as it is of you and your family to take such concern with Arendelle and her well-being I can assure you we will all be just fine without you." She heard the crackle of frost sneaking out from around her feet. She tried to stop it. "Now if you will be as so kind as to inform me where you have taken my sister - I would like to have her back."

"No. I do not think we will give you the young princess just yet as I am afraid you cannot assure me of the safety of Arendelle because without The Southern Isles - Arendelle will be under siege within the week."

She remembered the maps in the library spread out over the tables. She remembered Captain Falk - so patient going over every last detail with her. She remember the way he had looked at her, held her hand, said her name. More importantly she remembered how he had been so sure of Arendelle's fate if The Southern Isles and Weselton attacked.

 _Arendelle will perish_.

Not even a month into her reign and she would singlehandedly end the centuries of peace and prosperity that had ruled the land during the time of her ancestors. Elsa the Disappointment - that would be how history remembered her. Elsa the failure.

She lifted her chin. "What do you want?"

"The same things any kingdom in our position would want: reparation. You damaged our reputation, sullied our standings with many of our trade partners."

"I will issue a formal apology." She was sure that was more than generous.

"Oh no. We require more than a mere apology. The Southern Isles and our partners in Weselton require a gesture to insure that no similar missteps are taken in the future."

The temperature dropped at that. An apology was already unthinkable - anything else they could want from Arendelle had to be impossible.

"What would you require to see this all put behind us?" She felt the nails of her fingers break the skin of her palm, trying to keep the magic in. A vice squeezed her chest. She did not like where this was going.

"An irrevocable symbol of our lands being joined one. It's an elegant solution, really. I cannot fathom how I did not think of it earlier than now." Elsa bit her tongue, refusing to go for his bait. She would not ask again - would not give him the pleasure of stringing her along in her own parlor. Whatever he had to say - she would wait for him to do so.

King Petter finished his drink and leveled his eyes with hers.

"A wedding - well two to be exact." He laughed and the sound turned her stomach to stone. "Ideally we would have you wed Hans and Princess Anna wed the Duke of Weselton before the week is out, although I suppose we could be flexible about which princess gets who."

Nothing could stop the snow from falling.


	19. Chapter 19

For the second time that hour, Elsa felt laughter bubble up in her throat. This time she did nothing to choke it down. It escaped, high pitched and frantic, with frost clinging to its edges. She felt them looking at her like she had cracked more than she saw it, her vision blurring, and maybe she had. That would explain why her mind felt like nothing but a series of fractured fractals.

"You cannot be serious." The look in King Petter's eyes said that he was. The snow flakes jittered as they fell.

"We were thinking the first ceremony could take place in two days, here, in Arendelle. That should give you adequate time to go over our terms with your advisors and negotiate anything you see as mandatory changes."

Icicles started to grow as he extends a thick packet of official looking paper. She stared like he had offered her poison. He may as well have.

"I have not agreed to anything. I have not said I would marry - " she hesitated. "No one is marrying anyone."

He held the pages steady, but his eyes tightened.

"A shame about the flood waters you are experiencing this summer."

She blinked, not following the change of conversation as the terms of marriage wafted beneath her nose. He continued, a mercy shown only because the bait was too delicious to let dangle for long.

"Your rivers are swollen. The fjord is fuller than I have ever seen it." He held the papers out just that much further. "Now someone with your unique - heh - _capabilities_ has no need to worry under such circumstances, but those of us who are mere mortals - well - tsk -" He stepped closer and an icy breeze cut the room. "Why just today on the docks I heard a man say his neighbor's son drowned in a creek normally so tame a lamb could cross it. It just reminded me how easy it would be for an unfortunate casuality to befall any one of us at any time."

The connection was not lost on her. The room turned red.

"If you harm as much as a hair on her head I swear I will -"

"You will what?" Icicles jingled. "Turn me and my young brother to ice? And then what? My country knows where I am. Ambassadors and dignitaries from the whole of the known world are privy to your abilities. If you strike me down your enemies will grow exponentially and they will be far less generous than I have been. You can be sure of that."

She looked at him then, really looked at him. King Petter's appearance was much like his brother's though older - wider but with those same keen green eyes always looking for the best angle, a new opportunity. They were cold. They were cutting. She looked in them and tasted her own failure.

The corner she lived in grew smaller.

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you to take these papers, discuss their legal merit with your advisors, and then let us put all this childishness behind us with a simple ceremony. Really after all you have put us through it is the least you could do."

She stared at the papers in his hands, shaking like she would fall apart, and she cannot move. _The least she could do_. She never did the least. She did the most, fought the hardest and yet she was still not enough. She was still a disappointment. She would give _anything_ to have her father here now.

 _You belong here_ \- the Anna thought is back, but more difficult to believe when the voice attached to it was the voice at risk. She may belong here but so did Anna and Anna was all too out of reach.

"I have Dedrick in my custody. He was in your courts for years. Surely we can negotiate - a - a trade. An exchange." She stuttered. Queens did not stutter. Queens did not -

"Kill him for all I care. He has served his purpose."

She wanted to call his bluff, to believe he could not mean that. She wanted to believe for one moment that the world was fair, but it was not. How could a world be fair and let this curse live inside of her? It could not.

The world was not fair.

The world was not right.

The world was not kind.

She took the papers.

"Kai will see you out. Do not seek my audience before tomorrow evening. Since you seek to rob me of every other dignity it seems that could be the smallest accommodation you could grant me."

King Petter smirked.

"Of course Your Highness." He bowed but the motion was meaningless. "Come now, Hans. The Queen has much to which she must attend."

She did not turn, did not watch them go, hoping against hope that they would stab her in the back and relieve her of this duty.

All she heard was the closing door.

**o000o**

Kristoff remembered now why he went through such efforts to avoid the main entrance to the palace. Anything else had to be easier than getting through this door.

"No. I don't have any kind of appointment or missive - but Elsa wants to see me. I swear. If you would just tell her that Kristoff is here - "

The professionally polite servant whom Kristoff had never seen (why was there so many servants? What had he made it his profession to avoid each one of them his entire stay in the castle?) cut him short:

"Sir. We cannot simply open the palace to anyone who desires an audience with Her Majesty. I am certain you understand. Now if you would simply return with your summons this would thing will be sorted out readily."

It was all Kristoff could do to not punch the servant in their wane, apathetic face.

"But I need to see her now. It is urgent.." He was not a man who begged, but circumstances as they were… "Please."

"There is nothing more I can do for you, sir. Now if you will excuse me."

They shut the door in his face, but Kristoff knew there was more than one way to enter a castle.

**o000o**

She dreamt she could do what Elsa could. Her fingers sparked frost and she felt the power of it sing in her veins. Her heart jumped to her throat at the sensation. So _this_ was what it felt like to have frozen fire burn through her blood. Anna could not contain the sensation pressing out from under her skin.

The magic exploded before she had a chance to stop it. A cloud of icy energy surged out from her. She felt it tear out of her, like fibers of her own soul ripped out with each icy particle, and she cried out. She had not wanted this. She had not asked for this. Yet it came and when the air had cleared she saw the result of it all.

Everything her eye could see was frozen, blue and sparkling white, and silent. Nothing moved. Nothing breathed, and as the fog of snow and frost settled she realized why.

Everything she knew was ice now.

She thought perhaps it was strange that the first thing she noticed was that the trees were blue. Trees were not supposed to be blue, but the were. The fjord was not supposed to be solid, but it was. The people in front of her were not supposed to be frozen to solid statues, but they were. Everyone she had ever known - Gerda, Kai, her parents, Elsa, _Kristoff_ \- all were unmoving, unblinking , and so, so _blue_. It was not the invigorating blue of spring or summer, but the deathly blue of winter that she had seen in her own fingers in the wake of her own sister's storm. They were all frozen solid because of her.

She woke screaming, but her raw throat choked the sound.

Henrik was there, looking at her in bitter amusement. "Really if you must be so dramatic you could at least wait till morning. It is exhausting to put up with such hysterics at all hours."

The light in the porthole told her it was just now twilight, but she did not have the strength to argue.

**o000o**

Elsa paced the library. The papers from King Petter rest on top of the pile of maps from earlier in the day. Earlier when she and the captain had gone over strategy. Earlier when he had held her hand and said _We have you_ , _My Queen_. That time had gone though and she did not know what to do now. So she paced as though she could pounce upon the proposal as a cat does a mouse yet for all of all her pacing she took no offensive steps.

She could not be expected to marry Hans, could not, any more than her sister could. Her mind rejected the thought entirely. Yet the papers remained. There had to be a loophole, but to find such she would have to bring herself to read them and she could not. Even to do so inferred defeat and she would not be defeated. Not when her father's portrait looked at her, expected so much from her. To read them was to acknowledge them and she feared that to acknowledge them is to accept them. Her head throbbed.

There was a knock on the door.

She startled and did her habitual check for winter though it did not matter the way it once did. Bits of evidence of her powers clung to the edges of her room, but she had no secrets now. She had nothing.

_You belong here -_

She breathed.

"Come in."

The door opened and Kai pushed inside, worry etched his face. She prepared herself for the worst.

"Your Majesty." He bowed. "Your dinner is prepared and waiting to be served at your leisure."

The mention of food makes her stomach church. How could she possibly eat under these circumstances? But then she had not eaten all day. Her head felt light and spun at the realization. She would think more clearly with sustenance, needed to think clearly, _needed…._

Her mind flashed to gray eyes and strong arms for one instant before she took all of her strength and pulled focus back to Kai.

"I will take my dinner here. Thank you."

She saw the approval at her decision in the butler's eyes. It was then, for what could have been the first time for all it mattered, that she realized that he cared for her. Furthermore he _worried_ about her and her well being. The revelation left her uneasy. People only worried when things mattered. Could she possibly matter to him?

"Very good, Your Majesty." He bowed again before adding, "And, just to easy Your Majesty's mind, I escorted your earlier guest out under my own power to ensure their exit with utmost expedience."

He meant it as a comfort, but it made her want to cry. Kai knew what she could do, had known since the beginning, and yet where everyone else would be worried about themselves in the face of the Snow Queen - he was worried about her. He protected her to the best of his ability, and what he usually kept hidden behind the austere mask of servitude blazed through now like wild fire. He _cared._ Despite everything and without need of reciprocation - he cared for her.

The quiet warmth in his eyes reminded her all too quickly of the sea of eyes much colder than Kai's. Hans was at their helm flanked by Dedrick and King Petter and a cool breeze whips through the room at the thought. If Kai noticed he said nothing. He just kept looking at her like he cared and -

"Thank you." She managed around the lump in her throat. This day, week, month, _life_ had been too long….

He bowed an exit at the exact moment a flash of guardsmen brass illuminated the shadows in the doorway. She thought of Kai's eyes, of Dedrick's, of her father's, of Hans' - but the eyes in the door were different. They were bright and warm, like Anna's, and the breeze picked up around her skirts at the idea.

 _Anna_ \- "Captain Falk. Have you found my sister?"

Kai lingered in the shadows just long enough to see Captain Falk shake his head negative and then disappeared. Elsa's throat tightened. She did not consider the reason. She was not well prepared for sentiment.

"Do you have news of her then?"

He shook his head again and doffs his guardsman cap in her presence. He had never done that before and she is taken with the honey gold color of his hair. She had expected it to be darker. She had expected all so many things. How had she never noticed, never tried to notice, never -

"Then why have you come?" The room spun.

It was a foolish question - one born of circumstance too great for reason to matter - and her shoulders trembled.

He stopped in the middle of the room, a careful distance, but the door still slammed shut behind him. Had she done that?

"I wanted to see for myself that you were secure, My Queen."

This was not the guard asking. She could see it in his eyes as clear as she had seen in Kai's. _Nikolas_ \- her mind said and her calf cramped with the suppressed need to step back, to retreat from that thought.

"Is anyone ever truly secure?" She wanted to embrace the joke that the universe seemed to be telling at her expense but it comes out pinched.

It was snowing. She did not know when that started. Were they even her flakes or another trick from Dedrik? Was there any way to know? She glanced towards her father's portrait and remembered just how cold those eyes could be.

"You placed extra guards on the prisoner." He inched towards her as one would approach a cornered animal. "Were you in danger upon you visit, My Queen?"

The tempo of her heart increased with each step he took towards her.

 _You belong here_. The thought flashed again only to find an odd companion. _So does he._ The extra bit trespassed into her consciousness without ceremony and it startled her. Where had that thought come from? It did not have the same cadence of her Anna shaped thought. No - is sounded like her own mind pushed those words into existence. A shiver shot down her spine.

"My Queen?" He was close enough to touch now, far too close to be respectful but still too far to to be a comfort, and she realized he had asked her a question.

Her mind whirred in attempts to remember what he had asked, but she could not find it. She had allowed herself to be distracted. Queens did not get distracted. Queens did not -

Air came thick in her throat, all smoke and no oxygen, as she failed to draw breath after breath. As she choked she thought of the North Mountain, of the beautiful home she had built herself there, of the blissful solitude, of the chandelier _crashing -_

_Don't be the monster -!_

But she was. She had to be. In order for her to even consider the proposal on the table, to run her sister away with talk of duty, to shut out everyone for years…! A monster - not only because of the spark of magic rooted in her marrow but because of what she had allowed it to make her. She could not keep anyone safe, could not control her magic when it mattered, had frozen the kingdom while wolves prowled her halls and now they were back for the kill. This was her fault. Every part of it. Everything she had ever done to protect Anna was crashing down around her ears and now -

_Anna - !_

A scalding blade pushed through her chest and she buckled under it. She did not feel the pain of hitting the ground and she was sure it was just because the pain elsewhere was too great. It tightened and bunched and pulsed inside her chest like a second heart. It grew and stretched and burned up the nerves in her spine, arms, legs, fingers, toes…. It oozed and sparked and she saw stars.

Then it stopped.

The next frames of her memory came softly, darkly. At first she heard it as though at the end of a grand hallway. It was the steady chant of her name. She could not see anything. The world was dark, but that was because her eyes were closed. Why were her eyes closed?

"Elsa!" The voice came again, clearer, closer.

She opened her eyes then to a world filled with snowflakes twitching above her, suspending in mid air. Icicles dangled from the ceiling (why was she looking at the ceiling?) and his eyes were a storm above her.

"Elsa!" He was the one saying her name. She was struck by the oddness of its sound on his tongue.

She thought, on some distant level, to move. She thought that perhaps she _should_ move, but her body felt limp, weak, like her limbs were made of wet paper. Her head was suspended not by her own strength. Her cheek rasped against the rough linen of his uniform and he felt warm. He felt _safe_ , and in this strange, fogged reality she knew that feeling was rare.

She stayed still. She stayed still and took in the details of his face in a way she had never allowed herself the opportunity.

He has scars on his brow, his chin. His skin was dark, weathered from exposure, with craggy lines on his forehead earned not from age but from trials all his own. She wondered then just how old he was. She wondered what he had seen with those eyes -so strange and gray like they could never quite decide what color to be - as they hovered close to hers. She wanted -

"Elsa - Elsa can you hear me?"

He touched her face, glove to skin, and he was still saying her name. He never said her name. She watched his mouth shape the sounds. He has a wide mouth, a generous mouth, a kind mouth. She wanted -

He looked panicked. She could see it, feel it, but she felt warm. She felt safe. She _felt_ , but it was not the same pain that had come earlier. It was not the sharp burst that had crashed against her like a wave. It was something deeper, something different, like the sweeping currents at the bottom of a river.

She groaned.

She had meant to speak, but words escaped her. Her mind struggled. The arm behind her head and shoulders pulled her upright. The world swam at the change, darkness closing back in around the edges, and she squeezed her eyes shut against it. Her hands gripped the lapels of his uniform to steady herself. She kept her eyes shut and breathed.

"Wh - what happened?" She knew what happened, but her mind struggled to put a word to it.

"You fainted. I should fetch the physician."

He moved like he was going to leave her, and her hands gripped tighter.

"No." She shook her head and forced her eyes open to meet his gaze as if to make a point. "I am fine."

He looked as unsure as she felt because each passing second brought back more and more of the complexities that landed her in this position in the first place. This position where she was awkwardly draped across her captain's lap, clutching his uniform like an anchor, face so close she could smell his skin and - oh!

He seemed to realize their proximity and the impropriety of it at the exact moment that she did, but he did not move away. Neither did she. She should though. Oh she should but she did not. In two days she would be married. She would be because it was the only way she knew to keep Anna safe - would do anything to keep Anna safe - but not yet. Not in this moment. The day would come soon enough, but not now. Not when she was warm and safe and she _wanted -_

Perhaps he would be wiser than she. Perhaps he would stop this madness. She could see in his eyes that he knew the impossibility of this scenario, the implausibility of it, and yet his hand found her cheek once more.

"We cannot do this." Her fingers curled tighter into the fabric of his uniform, words and wants at war.

"I know."

He did.

She did, too.

Yet they remained.

"It cannot lead anywhere."

"I know."

His arms tightened just a fraction and she felt his breath on her cheek, felt the rise and fall of his chest beneath her palm.

"No good can come of this."

"I know."

His face was so close now that it swam in her field of vision and she wanted - just once - to mean this.

One of her hands, bare and dangerous, slipped behind his neck as she arched to find his mouth. Their lips met in an explosion of warmth that rocked through her body like a tidal wave, burning the ice out of her blood, scorching her. She had considered on limited occasion what it would be like to kiss someone, to know that intimacy, but had locked down the thoughts with expedience. People like her did not have the luxury of contact, of touch, yet here she was. Here he was all heat and blood and flesh and for the first time in her life, for just one moment, she felt just what it might be like to be just like everyone else.

She felt human.

He pulled back a fraction so all that brushed her lips was his ragged breath. Her eyes fluttered open to see his clenched shut as if he was in pain. His forehead furrowed, his arms trembled, and she could see that he was straining against every part of himself in that moment. It did not take her long to determine why.

He did not want her.

Why would he? He had seen what she could do. He had seen Anna frozen to solid ice. The idea of touching her must be revolting, terrifying, yet he had allowed it as she was his superior. He was a good soldier. He would never refuse his queen.

She wanted to scream.

Instead: "I apologize. I should not have done that. I am sorry."

She tried to push away, to stand, to _run_ but his arms kept her tight against him.

"Are you?" His eyes were open now and held her gaze fast. "Are you sorry, truly?"

"I should be." Oh gods she should be. She wanted to be. She wanted -

"But are you?"

She licked her lips and tasted him there. She did not know how to be sorry for that. She was not sorry for it, would never be sorry for it, not here, not ever.

"Are you?"

She needed him to be, had seen it in the moment after their kiss. She needed his honesty to break this spell, to give her permission not to want this.

Instead he stroked her cheek with his thumb, the fabric of his glove worn slick from use, and her breath caught in her throat. She could not tell if the torment in his eyes was his own or just a reflection of hers.

"I should be." His gaze dropped to her mouth. "Elsa…."

The sound of her name on his lips broke her heart. She knew how this would end down to the last shattering detail. She could already feel the swell of pain blossom in her belly. It made her feel ancient, like she had carried her life a thousand years instead of her meager twenty one. It made her feel cold, and she was not ready for that.

She should have pushed him away. There was no sense in delaying the inevitable. There was no sense in any of this. Queens did not kiss guardsmen. Queens did not fall in love with - _oh -_

She did not give herself time to finish that thought. She _cannot_. Instead she surged against him, needing to feel human just one more time before everything changed. Wanting. _Needing_. His mouth moved against hers and oh -!

The door to the library opened quietly. It may as well have been canon fire for how it stopped her heart. She tore back from Nikolas just as his arms released her and she tumbled to the floor. The snow piled there did nothing to break her fall.

Elsa was not much one for blushing. To blush meant that you were not in control of your emotions, but Odin help her if her cheeks were not on fire as she scrambled to get to her feet.

She looked up just in time to see Kristoff standing there, jaw hanging open in disbelief, and her humiliation increased ten thousand fold.

_Of all the people in the kingdom -_

"I can explain, Kristoff, if you just listen." She took a step towards him, and the words echoed strangely in her mind.

He shook his head in an action that seemed to be as much about clearing his mind as it was discouraging her discourse.

"I don't want your explanation." His shoulders are set back, broad and determined. "What I want is ice."

He shut the door behind himself.


	20. Chapter 20

Elsa's mind clicked and whirred. Reality snapped back into place in sharp relief, but she still could not grasp the entirety of the situation. She looked at the iceman before her, the guardsman beside her, and she is not sure how she got here.

Wave after scorching wave of embarrassment pummeled her. It was a completely different heat than what she felt in Nikolas' embrace and the contrast made it worse. She could not explain, knew her explanation was unwanted and yet she felt a deep ache at the center of her chest to speak life to what had just happened. She needed to let the world know, to let herself know, that this had just happened, but she could not. It could not be real. None of this could be real.

She thought perhaps she would wake any moment to find this had all been the strangest dream. Perhaps she would wake alone on The North Mountain, alone, where she could not hurt anyone. She could stay there alone, away, but Anna...

Icicles shivered.

Nikolas hovered at her shoulder.

He would help her. He would help her like Kristoff helped Anna. She could see it in his eyes, had felt it in his - oh. No. She could not entertain that notion. Not now. Not ever. It was not possible. Even if the wolves of the Southern Isles weren't at her heels. Even if her sister was safe in her bed. Even if her parents were here alive and in control - no - especially not then. She was queen, and queens did not get what they wanted.

She focused on Kristoff. He was here to help. After all she had done, all she had said to keep him away, he was here. He would find Anna, help her, help them both because she yet again came up wanting. She was not enough, could never be enough.

"You need ice." She repeated him as her mind struggled for clarity.

It was difficult to fathom what he could need ice for at a time like this. It was difficult to think at all. Her mind circled a suspicion but never quite landed.

"Yes." Kristoff replied. "Lots of it. I'd harvest it myself, but there is no time."

No time. Never enough time.

"How much do you need?"

"A sled full, if that is okay."

She'd build him a mountain of ice if it meant him finding her sister.

Nikolas shifted and Kristoff's gaze flicked to him. Elsa's cheeks flamed anew. She could explain - would never explain - but there was no time.

"A sled full will be no problem. When do you need it?"

"Before first light." His face was so set, so sure. She needed his surety. She needed her sister.

"You may have it now."

"My sled is in the stables at the docks."

She had never been personally but she knew of them.

"I will have it sent immediately."

He shook his head. "No. No. No one can know it comes from the palace. You will have to come to me."

The idea sent a shiver through the room. The doors were open now but she still had no ease walking through them. She wanted to ask him for specifics, to find a reason why she could not possibly go through those doors, but perhaps it was for the best that she did not know. Secrets were good. Secrets kept people safe - well - until they didn't.

Her secrets never did.

A sweeping dizziness rose through the ground, up through her feet, her legs, shooting up the length of her spine until it swept through her mind with relentless fervor. She slumped, but did not fall.

He caught her.

He was always catching her.

"She has not eaten in days." She heard Nikolas speak to Kristoff, but could not form her own defense. She could not explain that there had been no time for food, for rest, for thought -

"Get her to the couch."

She was lifted once more. She settled back against a warm, firm chest that was becoming all too familiar before she was deposited upon a cold, plush couch and she would not let herself lament the loss of contact. Instead she focused on stilling the spinning world around her. In her reclined position she could feel her blood work its way back up to her head.

It was then as her thoughts cleared that her cheeks heated. At this rate, swooning was becoming an embarrassing habit. Queens did not swoon. Queens did not do a great many things that seemed to be unavoidable to her.

She could feel her father's portrait gaze of disappointment smother her like a blanket.

"I am quite all right." She forced herself to sit up but the world slid out from under her and she paused.

"My Queen, allow me to fetch you a tray of something, anything at all." Nikolas knelt beside her, not touching, but oh so close. Too close. His gray eyes were so full of want - of need - that she cannot look at him like this. She cannot let him be this close.

There were things that needed to be done. She tore her eyes from Nikolas and looked to Kristoff instead. "His ice -"

"Can wait until dawn." Kristoff finished her statement. "You are no good to anyone if you cannot stand."

The iceman crossed his arms over his chest and she is struck by the size of him. His height, his breadth, had been something she had never fully considered till this moment. Now from this weak and low position she realized his strength. She realized that he was a mountain where her sister could seek shelter. She thought of the contract on the table and knew that he could keep her safe in ways she never could.

Snow fell anew.

She was about to speak when a knock came at the door.

Immediately Nikolas stood and stepped a respectable distance from where she lay. Kristoff opened towards the sound, bracing himself, and it occurred to her then that he had entered this room unescorted, unannounced. He had broken in _again_.

With a deep breath she sat up and turned so her feet touched the floor. She grit her teeth against the sway of the room.

"Come in."

Kai entered with a silver domed tray in hand and took in the scene of the room without changing expression though Elsa knew it was strange at best.

"Your Majesty," Kai bowed. "Where will you take your dinner?"

It was not a difficult question, but her mind struggled to form an answer.

"The table will do, Kai. Thank you."

The butler crunched across the ice and snow with formal precision. This was not the first time he had done this. He returned to stand before her once he had completed his task.

"Will your majesty be requiring anything else?" He kept his gaze respectfully distant and she grasped at the thread of normalcy.

"No thank you, Kai. That will be all." She dismissed him with a nod, he her with a bow, and turned to leave. He was about to close the door behind himself when she caught him with one more requestion. "Actually, Kai, would you please see that the Royal Council is called to assembly in the Great Hall tomorrow at first light?"

Kai's lips tightened infinitesimally, but she knew it was not distaste for the order but rather why it came.

"It would be my pleasure, Your Majesty."

The door shut.

**o000o**

It was dark below board when she opened her eyes again. The light of the sun was long forgotten and only a lonely oil lamp hanging from an equally lonely hook showed her surroundings. Despite the throbbing of her head, the vomitous tate in her mouth, she focuses enough to realize that her guard has changed.

His hair shone auburn in his light. The thick sideburns on his cheeks cut a compelling line. She thought perhaps the bloom of a fresh bruise rested on one of his aristocratic cheekbones, but she could not be sure in the dimness. She could, however, hope with her entire heart that it was a bruise. She could hope that he was absolutely covered in them, and that they hurt, and that she would have the chance to add to them.

"Isn't there a jail cell you should be rotting in or something?"

She pushed up to sit, uncomfortable at the idea of being in a vulnerable reclined position in front of him despite the bars between them.

"I'm afraid that is your distinct honor at the moment." He said from where he stood, one shoulder tucked against a large crate, arms and legs crossed over each other.

"Why are you here? You aren't welcome." She had no time to mince words.

"Most conquerors are men without welcome." He shoved off the wall and drifted towards her cell. Her stomach tightened.

"You can't conquer us. Do you even remember what Elsa can do?" Her tongue felt thick in her mouth but she did not let that stop her. "She'll freeze your army before they can fire a shot."

His wide mouth quirks a rueful smile.

"I suppose that could be the case under different circumstances, but there will be no battle. Arendelle and The Southern Isles will merge peacefully through mutual agreement." He stood close to the bars now and yes - _yes_ \- it was definitely a bruise.

"You're insane. You know that?" Anna shook her head. "You are an actual crazy person."

"I am not more crazy than a kingdom that allows a witch to rule them."

Fire shot up in Anna's stomach and she sprang to her feet. The rush of it dizzied her. She caught herself against the hull of the ship with her good arm before meeting his eyes in the dark. "Elsa is not a witch!"

"Well whatever she is in less than two days time she will be my wife and Arendelle will be under the command of The Southern Isles as per the marriage contract." He ran a finger along the metal crossbar of her cell.

_As heir, Elsa was preferable of course._

"You're lying." Anna gritted her teeth.

"Really you should be thanking me. If the Southern Isles had not stepped in - had not spoken so well in your defense and offered to generously risk ourselves for the sake of peace between the nations well - war would already be on your doorstep."

"You've never done _anything_ for us!" Anna stepped up to the bars, facing off with him. She hoped he could smell her horrible breath and she hoped he gagged on it. "You are just a lying, two-faced, no-good, murder-y -"

"Brother-in-law?" He cut her off with a smirk and her stomach tied knots at the implication. "Now I know this must be awkward for you since you were so convinced you were in love with me, but don't worry. You have your own role to play in all of this which will ensure that our paths cross infrequently at best."

A shiver shook her body. Her mind was too thick, too torn by unfamiliar hunger and thirst, to even attempt to suss out his implications. "What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"Oh Anna." He reached to his belt and withdrew the key to her cell. "I am afraid I am going to enjoy this a little too much."

**o000o**

The moment after Kai exited Elsa braced her shaking arms on the plush couch and pushed herself up. She could feel Nikolas' tension, his apprehension, at her movement. He would catch her. Her would always catch her.

"We need to get to the stables. We need to find Anna."

She focused past the spinning, past the confusing concern she felt radiating off of the two men, and she would not give in. She was queen and for at least a few days longer she answered to no man.

"We should go separately." Kristoff said. "No one can see us together or they may suspect something."

The way he spoke was not a question, nor was it an order. He knew his place, but he was also unapologetic in his urgency. She nodded in agreement. She was experienced in hiding secrets.

"I will follow you in an hour." She could feel her thoughts slip and falter as she tried to recall exactly where he had said he was stationed. Her mind too frayed from lack of sustenance and sleep. "I will find you at the - at the-"

"The stable by the docks." Kristoff finished for her once more.

"Yes." She tried to focus on him, but he blurred at the edges.

"How will I find you?" She did not trust herself, could not. She had lost her sister. This was all her fault.

"Don't worry." Kristoff's voice was steady. "I'll be waiting."

He turned to go.

"Kristoff." She caught him with her voice. He looked back. "Your plan - whatever it is - it will help us find Anna? This plan will find her?"

She did not need to hear the details, but she needed to hear this. She needed to hear someone else want as much as she wanted, need as much as she needed.

He gave her a half-smile.

"I sure hope so."

**o000o**

Her fingers caught at the fringe around her ears. It was fluffy and strange, jagged and uneven. Her neck was cold and bare.

She had fought when he had come inside with his knife and a smile, but she had been too weak to put up any real resistance. Even if she had full use of both of her arms, had her strength and wits in full, it would have been difficult to escape him. In her current state it had been impossible.

Then - just like that - what had taken years to grow had been shorn off in moments.

Though the friction of the blade through the hairs themselves had not hurt, the process had not been without pain. His knee had dug into her spine when he had pinned her struggling form. Her cheek had burned against the wood planks as she tried to jerk her head away from him. He had pulled her braids taut for his blade, the strain of her neck and scalp had been agony, in the moments before it was done. No, the act itself had not hurt but the events around it had been excruciating.

Worse than any physical toll, however, was the thing inside her that now blistered and grew. He had taken something from her for a second time, a level of trust in human decency that was now replaced with a feeling she had never experienced in such raw, violent darkness. She _hated_ him, _hated_ The Southern Isles, but mostly she hated that she felt this way at all.

She thought of Elsa, of Kristoff, and she would not allow those idiots to poison them the way they were trying to poison her. She would save them.

The faint light of the moon through the porthole let her know that for the first time since this ordeal had begun, she was alone. She also knew she would not get another chance like this.

She pushed back her hunger and thirst until they were distant in her mind and instead pulled at the dark heat that sent prickles to the backs of her eyes. She drew on the strength of her love for her sister, of her love for Kristoff, and set to work.

**o000o**

Kristoff was gone.

Kai was gone.

All that was left was Nikolas and herself. That thought alone was enough to steal the strength from her already weakened legs, but she would not let it. She would not swoon. She would not need him. She could not.

She stalked on stiff legs to where her tray rested on the table. Beside the silver dome lay the pile of thick ivory pages from The Southern Isles like a coiled snake. She wearily resigned herself to the fact that there would be no sleep for her this night. If she had only mustered her resolution earlier - if she had not allowed herself to be so distracted - she pushed the thoughts aside. Dwelling on the past did no one any good.

She sat and lifted the cover of her tray.

There was bread, white and soft; wine, strong and unwatered; venison, fresh and warm; and soup, steaming and thick. Her stomach rebelled in equal measure from hunger and from nausea at the spread. Her eyes went to the agreement beside the food, but that was no better. Her hands shook. She clasped them in her lap and knew that if she did not eat _something_ then she would never make it through reading those treacherous pages.

Her stomach churned and gurgled at the wafting smells from her tray. How long had it been since she had eaten? Nikolas had said days, but that couldn't be correct. Could it? She could not consider just what it meant that he would know her patterns so thoroughly especially when she knew so little about him.

 _You know what matters._ It was that Anna voice again and she needed to eat. She was hallucinating her sister now. _You know what matters. Trust that. Trust yourself._

Elsa reached for the bread, hand shaking. Trust herself? She had no idea how. Her hand froze the moment it touched the bread when she heard the crunch of snow behind her as he shifted his weight.

He was still there, the man her hallucination told her to trust. He could not leave without her permission. He would stand there, still and waiting, for eternity if she let him. She was tempted to, but no. She could not trust herself. Not here, not now, not ever because she wanted him to stay.

That revelation alone left her breathless.

She could not want that. Not really, but she did.

No. She needed to dismiss him or else she may kiss him again. She could not kiss him again. Would never kiss him again. That idea left her breathless from an entirely different implication.

She had not meant to kiss him the first time, the second time, she assured herself. She had not meant to breach such stringent protocol. It had been momentary weakness. It had been a situational dalliance because you could not fall in love with a man you had just met. You could not fall in love with a man you hardly knew. She knew that. She _knew_ it.

And yet….

"I will need to leave the palace to meet Kristoff. No one else can know of this meeting." She did not turn to look at him, did not dare when her heart beat so furiously within her chest, and she did her best to put the Queen in her voice. "Please make plans accordingly and meet me here in exactly half past the next hour with plans to escort me safely."

Snowflakes melted in her soup.

"Whatever you need, My Queen." He replied, not nearly all guard but close enough. The sound of his voice alone sent a chill down her spine.

"No one can know. No one can know anything." She said, not referencing her secret exodus in the slightest - hoping - knowing he would understand.

"Of course, My Queen." He said and she imagined the rasp in his voice grasping the shapes of her given name. She recalled the weight of his mouth and she was melting.

But she would not melt - could not.

"You may go." She did not dare turn at her instruction though she heard the hesitation and then the sound of boots through the snow.

She could not, however, stop herself from trembling when she heard the door open and the door close behind him.

**o000o**

Kristoff was equally appreciative and uneased by the simplicity with which he could move in and out of the castle undetected. Granted he had inside knowledge and practice of the movement within those walls in collusion with the fact that the kingdom had not been invaded or attack in hundreds of years, but still. Breaking in and out of a castle should be more difficult than sitting out a blizzard.

If he had the chance, he would make suggestions to amend this. That was a pretty big 'if'.

 _You have to find Anna first. You have to prove you are worth it._ The voice came, and he knew it rang with truth.

Who was he?

An iceman orphan, that was who he was.

He was also a man who loved a princess.

His mind battled between the two as he found his way back to where Sven waited for him.

The same small urchin child from before waited at the mouth of the stable, and Kristoff gave him a nod before proceeding back to Sven. The reindeer looked at him with a long face.

"This had better work, buddy." He slumped down the stall walls alongside his companion. "This had better work."

**o000o**

The nail in the plank did not want to give way. It clung to the wood like a lover in the throes of passion but she did not cease trying. Her single weak arm trembled as she pulled. Her fingernails caught, tore, and bled as she attempted to wriggle the head from its wooden encapsulation but she did not stop.

She'd pry until kingdom come. She'd pry and pull without ceasing. She'd pry till her body quit or they tied her up to keep her from trying. Her exhaustion was a thing of the past. The idea that this may be her only chance to save her sister, of being with Kristoff, burned it from her bones.

She never once thought of saving herself.

**o000o**

She ate as one would eat their last meal, with a solemnity and precision of one knowing that what happened next would change everything. She knew with absolute certainty that after she read the proposition beside her she would lose her taste for food for the foreseeable future. She already had, but she would not swoon again. It was unbecoming. It was weak. She could not be weak.

She dipped her bread in her soup and brought it to her mouth. It was a terrible breach of etiquette, but who would reprimand her for such actions?

No one would for she was queen, and she was alone.

She forced down bite after bite around the growing lump in her throat until she could eat no more. Her stomach felt as if she had stuffed it with rocks though the tray was still more than half full. She would not fall now, however. She would stand tall as her father had taught her. She would not flinch in the face of adversity. She would would be as unforgiving as he was in his demand for control.

The room shuddered as she pushed her tray away.

This winter would not do.

The cause of it did not matter. She had to be the master of her feelings. She had to, for Anna. She needed Anna. She loved Anna. She loved….

The snow slowed and then reversed. Spears of ice shrunk back to oblivion. She felt each change snug beneath her skin. Despite her nourishment the act of pulling the winter back inside of her left her feeling drained. It wasn't getting easier. She had thought for sure it would get easier with practice, but it had not. Whatever the monster inside her was - it wanted to be free. It did not like being pulled back beneath frail skin, into fragile bones.

The faintest tinge of frost remained on the cover of the papers from The Southern Isles as she brought it in front of her and began to read.

By the thirteenth page, the words swam. Whatever adrenaline had been running through her veins before was gone now. The exhaustion of overwrought nerves paired with the lethargy of her full stomach weighed her eyelids. She pushed against the heaviness. She had to - for Anna. If Kristoff's plan did not work she had to find a way to save Anna. She had to keep her safe. She had years to make up for on that account.

She forced her mind to focus as well as she could, drew her attention to the ornate script in front of her until she reached one passage that she read and reread until the words sank into her skin like a brand.

_Arendelle and The Southern Isles shall merge in peaceful unity through the holy bond of matrimony between Her Royal Highness Queen Elsa of Arendelle, The Duchess of the Crystal Valley, and Countess of Greenfig and His Royal Highness Prince Hans Westergaard of The Southern Isles._

There were pages upon pages more all detailing trade routes, partnership, and agreements; territories and boundaries; titles, ranks, and lines of succession; taxation and the allocation of those funds, but nothing once that said anything about Anna being returned to her.

And why would there be?

What sense was there in including such a damning contingency? What point was there incriminating themselves in their own document, with their own seal? Anna's safety was just as implied as her death has been earlier, and it set Elsa on edge.

Nothing was ever spoken.

Everything was heard.

Though the methodology was familiar, she loathed it. There was no way to ensure her sister's deliverance, not even if she went along with every word on these pages. Not even if she married -

She could not finish the thought without a violent churning in her stomach and not simply because of her own impending nuptials. Anna's safety was not the only implicit factor. If King Petter planned on making good on any of his earlier threats, the one to marry Anna off to the Duke of Wesselton seemed to be more than likely and Elsa could not allow that. She would not.

There had to be another way.

So when she reached the final page of the agreement she went back to the beginning and started anew.

**o000o**

What his niece lacked was subtly. It was a skill he had honed for years at court in The Southern Isles. As an outsider, a man without nation, he had been careful to keep his ability undetected, but not unused. There were slow ways, gradual ways, to achieve your desired result if you had the patience and skill to wait.

He had that skill.

What he did not have in the raw power that his niece was rumored to have, he had nuance.

It took hours to lower the temperature of his cell to the point that his interior guards were drowsy with it. It took precision and care to form the thinnest, sharpest ice splinters to pierce through their uniforms, their chests, their hearts. It took effort and scheming to weaken the metal bars that held him, the chains that held him, and slip out his dank window. It took concentration and thought to freeze and then thaw the fjord beneath his feet as he walked from his cell.

He would not be coddled.

He would not be contained.

He would be king.


	21. Chapter 21

 

She should not have been surprised by his efficiency - knew that militaristic precision was how he had become Captain - but when she opens her chamber's doors to find him waiting well before dawn she startled. It could have just been the nerves, the lack of sleep, the fact that her entire mind was rattling with the words of the treaty that she had poured over again and again only to find herself increasingly trapped by its terms. It could be that, or it could be that the very sight of him took her breath.

He wore plain clothes, not his usual guardsman garb, just as she was dressed in the borrowed common outfit he'd brought her before beneath her heavy cloak instead of her regular regal gowns. Unlike her however, she can see in the lantern light that his clothes were well worn but fitted to him unlike her borrowed attire. She realized then that these were his clothes, that this was what he wore in the odd hours he was not on duty. Because he wasn't just Captain Falk, he was also Nikolas. The two could exist apart from each other and she envies him for that. She would never be able to just be Elsa. She would never be able to shrug out of her title the way he did his uniform.

She had no choice.

She never would.

A tremble rattles through her as she tries to keep ice from climbing out beneath her feet.

Mentally she rebuked herself. She was being selfish. There was a price to paid for the privilege of being queen. It was a price many had paid before her and she would not fail them. She would do what was needed of her to keep her people safe, to keep Anna safe.

She did not have a choice, but he did.

Of course he did. She feels the heat of embarrassment warm the tips of her ears that this would be any kind of revelation. He had civilian clothes, experienced moments outside of the palace at regular intervals. Of course he would. He existed outside of the palace, beyond the walls and rules and birthrights. She, however, did not, could not. She was a queen and queens only existed in castles.

They died in castles.

Elsa had a fleeting thought to wonder if queens, while living in the castle, ever truly got to experience life. If she would ever get to know something beyond the crushing weight of responsibility. If it could be possible. If she could possibly have some other fate besides falling on the sword of her own kingdom day in and day out until it finally killed her.

She wondered what it would be like to run away with him.

She thought of the North Mountain.

His head tilts just so, brow furrowed. "Is everything well, My Queen?"

The air had gone frosty. She could see their breath. Worse she had been staring at him as if she had the right to - as if she did not know how he tasted - and now he was staring back at her as a man and -

She jerks a nod. "Yes, of course.'

Her voice, never as smooth and lilting as Anna's, was even rougher than normal as if she were choking on her own words. The harshness of it seemed to signal his misstep. In an instant the man was gone, and despite his attire, the guard returned.

He mirrored her nod as if to punctuate the shift and stepped to the side to let her pass. She did and started down the hall towards the grand entrance that would lead them to the main gate until a hand caught her arm. His hand. Warmth skittered through her blood but she fought it down. Hadn't they just reestablished the order of things? Her nerves were worn too thin for the rapid shifting of temperatures.

She turned to meet his gaze with as much regality as she could muster, heart constricting. His hand dropped.

"A thousand pardons, My Queen." He ducked his head and she can feel frost forming at her fingertips at his formality. She pushed back the ice she felt itching beneath her skin at the knowledge that she had set this tone, that this was how it should be, would be from now on, that whatever had passed between them was to be pushed aside.

She was his queen, but she was not his.

He kept his eyes lowered as he spoke. "The front way will no doubt be watched. If I may advise My Queen that she may desire a more surreptitious exit?"

She thought of the gate opening. She thought of keeping it closed. She remembered something from the past, understood the where his question was leading her.

"The passages beneath the fjord." Her father had shown the maze of tunnels to her once during one of the times he had tried to explain to a child the enormity of the weight of the crown, explaining to a child that there were people who would want her dead. "Are they safe?"

"Safer than taking you through those gates, My Queen." He says and she knew he was right.

Going through the front was as sure of a way to ruin this endeavor as never starting it. She wished now she had paid more attention to the missives sent from the regent counsel. She wished she had kept up with the maintenance reports. Her mind raced to remember if she had ever read anything about the upkeep of the tunnels built to protect her.

She cannot remember.

Her thoughts are too gone, too scattered, to recall ancient history.

There was risk both ways, but she looks at Capitan Falk and knows he would not suggest anything that may bring her to harm. Even without his guardsman uniform she knew he would protect her, would keep her safe, would do anything -

She shook her head. Thoughts like that were dangerous and she would have no part in them.

"Let us go then." She squares her shoulders. "We do not have much time."

He led.

She followed.

Neither of them shut her door.

…..

He made his way across the fjord. The water froze beneath his feet. The cover of night was his friend. His heart beat louder with each step.

This was how Arendelle met it end.

Not with a fight, but with a whimper.

…..

"This is going to work," Kristoff petted Sven's neck absently. "This is going to work."

The sleigh mount was already hitched to his friend and ready to go, just waiting for a royal arrival. He'd check the fasteners a dozen times, still worried over the main joint between reindeer and sled but not overly so. It had not given out yet, why would it now?

"This is going to work. The harbor master has no log of ships leaving today. Anna is still here. She is still here. She has to still be here. Right?"

He was just talking at this point, spewing words that may or may not mean anything under his breath. Sven nudges Kristoff with his nose. Kristoff shoved him back.

"Yeah. Yeah. You're right. One thing at a time. One thing at a time." He shoved his friend's nose back. "We should get some sleep. Just till it is time. Just till Elsa gets here."

He was telling himself more than he was telling Sven. His knees buckled and he slid down the stall wall into the hay. Exhaustion and the familiar scent lulled him.

"Just a minute. Just a few minutes." He murmured - his body overcoming him with the need for rest.

Sven nuzzled his cheek but Kristoff was already snoring.

….

By the time the nail came loose her fingertips were bloody. Her fingernails were torn to hell. Her arm shook. Her body ached, but she had done it. She had done it all by herself and she had to hold back the cry that built in her chest at the notion. She didn't know exactly how long it had taken her to pry the nail loose from the floorboard but she had done it and now she had another short moment to use it for its intended purpose.

Carefully, slowly, she drew her arm from it sling. It hurt still - not quite whole even with Grand Pabbie's magic - but much better than it should be all things considered. She would settle having two hands to work the nail in the lock on the other side of the cell door.

For now, she would settle for freedom.

….

The tunnels were as dark and dank as she remembered with an eerie damp that seeped into her bones. The lantern he carried cast strange shadows and she has to be careful not to catch her shoes on the slick, uneven stones.

She did not need him saving her again from a fall.

She did not need him saving her ever.

She was queen and she would save herself.

He walked two paces ahead of her and she tried to not consider the difference of his silhouette out of the stiff guardsman uniform. She tired to not notice the firm line of his shoulders, the athletic cut of his waist, but there it was beneath the thin fabric. The lean shape of his body was there, and she was there, and she wanted. She needed.

She would not.

She did not.

She did.

Her mind skated close to dangerous territory, unwilling to consider the harder things that led them to this point. To notice him, his proximity, was easier than remembering the treaty on her desk and its malicious intents. To consider him, the way he walked, was easier than knowing that her sister was in danger because of choices she had made. Her sister could die for reasons Elsa could have prevented. Elsa remembered the few moments on the ice, her arms thrown around her sister's blue body, and she knew she was just as much to blame for her sister's peril now as she was when Anna had frozen through to her core.

A drop of water hit her face, a reminder than an entire ocean waited above to swallow them whole, and she grunted. He turned to check on her, gray eyes concerned in the lamp light. She wiped it away with her sleeve and waved him on.

"It's nothing. Keep going." The words are bitter on her tongue when all she wants is to tell him to stay close, to never look away.

"Yes, My Queen." He turned resolutely on his heel and marched. His posture was all guard and so she would be all queen.

She followed, hurting with each step and ignoring it because what right had she to pain? She was a queen and queens felt no pain. Queens fought. Queens protected their kingdom, their crown.

Queens did not fall in love.

Queens did not need.

Queens fought - and fight she would.

She would save Arendelle.

She would save Anna.

No matter what the cost.

….

She was sweating..

She had sweated before. She hoped she would sweat again but perhaps not this soon, not this way. The droplets made her shorn hair stick to her neck, her spine was slick, as the nail end rattled in the lock.

She didn't know the first thing about how locks worked, but she knew that they took keys and that sometimes she had been able to unlock doors she had not been supposed to (her father's study, her sister's room) but they were shut quickly afterwards. She didn't mind that detail. She didn't need the cell door open for long.

She just hoped whatever they had planned that it was not too late.

She hoped she had not let down her sister once again.

…..

The tunnels had many different routes but only one led to an exit. This safeguard was as much to keep people out as it was to keep the correct ones in. Elsa did not know the way but it seemed that Captain Falk did. He took them at a sure pace never faltering at any turn until they arrived at a circular stone stairway slick with moss.

He ascended before she did a step at a time, carefully. When he was half way up the slimey stairs he reached back and extended his hand. She looked at it with wide eyes but made no move to take it.

"These stairs are unforgiving, My Queen, please."

He wasn't wearing gloves. She'd never seen his bare hands before this night. His hands were broad and square, long fingers blunted at the tips and strong. The shape and size of them, wide palms scored with deep valleys, were so unlike hers and she thought this moment could have poetry in it if only it were lit a different way.

If only her hands were not her greatest enemy.

She clenched her hands at her sides, nails digging into soft skin because she had not worn gloves either. All of hers had been too fine to be matched with the coarse garment she donned so she had omitted them, never considering she would have a reason to touch anything, anyone.

It had been a foolish mistake.

Now she stood frightened of how much she wanted to press her palm against his, could hardly trust herself to. She could hurt him, but she knew just how much this could hurt her in return.

Pain, it seemed, liked to have a balance.

She reached out.

His fingers clamped around hers, firm and sure. She stood for a moment transfixed by the sight and sensation of it all, knowing that this could never happen again after this night. That this warmth shooting up her arm, out through her core, would be forbidden to her - already was. Her heart sped, breath caught, and it was too much. The magic in her blood screamed - fighting to escape.

She was back on the fjord holding Anna's frozen body and -

 _Monster_ -

She snatched her hand from his, blood pounding in her ears as the faintest of flurries began to fall. She knew she should meet his eyes, that a queen would not shrink from his questioning gaze, but she did not.

"I think -" She twisted her hands together as if that would help erase the feel of his skin against hers. "I think I will manage on my own quite well. Thank you."

She would have to, because after this night she would be oh so very alone and it would be all her own doing.

….

He did not go to the ship. His plan no longer concerned the Southern Isles fools. They were short sighted, only considering what was right in front of them. They did not know true power, what it meant to harness it.

He smiled as his feet reached solid ground.

He would show them.

He would show them all.

…..

The streets of Arendelle were still quiet. It would be an hour yet before the townspeople begun to stir. It was eerie in a way - as if they were in a place out of time as they crept through the back allies by the docks. The only sounds were their footsteps, the rustling of clothes, their breath. A heaviness hung in the air all around them, like the weight of an approaching storm, deadening the few noises they did make till it was like they were hardly there at all.

Elsa wished it could be so easy to just disappear, but it wasn't. She knew that. She had tried.

They were side by side now, had been ever since they made it above ground and out of the tunnels into a back passageway near the docks, though they had not said a word. One misstep, one wobble at the proper angle, and their arms would brush. Even though clothing she knew it would be overwhelming, but still she could bring herself to draw away - to step ahead or fall behind.

It seemed that neither could he.

Thus was the strange mix of proper and improper that seemed everything in their relationship was. Somehow in the last several days it had become their baseline. She cannot pinpoint exactly where it all went off the rails, but she knew that there could be no questions that it needed to get back on track.

There could be no hint of impropriety once she was married.

She sucked a deep breath, pressing down the pain that the very thought brought to her bones.

The air was full of salt. If there had been a breeze she would have tasted it on her lips, but the air was stagnant. Heat built beneath her hood but she did not dare remove it. Even if there was no one in the alleys where they walked that did not mean no one was watching.

That did not mean they were alone.

She wondered if she would ever feel anything other than being alone.

She thought of the treaty and knew the answer.

And even though it was foolish, even though it broke her heart, she walked just a bit closer to Nikolas after that.

….

Arendelle was a place of hidden things, secrets. It was full of energy, magic. For too long it had been locked away. For too long it had been forgotten. It's proud past and heritage had been shuttered and barred, but no more.

This was his birthright. He would resurrect the tradition of the grand kings of old just as his blood called him to do. He would set right what his father and grandfathers before him had failed to do. He would be Arendelle's master.

He would be the world's savoir.

He just wished his ungrateful brother was still alive to see it.

But revelling would come later. First he had to retrieve what he had come for. With that he set a sharp pace towards the base of the north mountain.

….

Kristoff woke at the first sounds of footsteps. Every muscle in his body ached and his left eye was swollen completely shut now. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep, but he knew it wasn't long enough. He could have slept for years but he wouldn't. Anna needed him, he her, and that alone was enough to pull him from the grave.

He rubbed his good eye and sat up just as two figures came up in lantern light. It took him a moment to place the man with his hard gray eyes as the guard that had no only given him the knot on the back of his head, but also had been kissing Elsa. The guard who had challenged him on the castle walk. The one who had dared insinuate that Anna was anything but his and he stood a bit straighter. It did not take much to put together who stood beneath the cloak beside him.

Kristoff pushed up to stand, legs protesting. He could feel bits of straw clinging to his hair as he ran his hand through it. They were already in the larger mounting section of the stables, Sven hitched and ready. The boy had been accommodating enough once Kristoff had told him that they would be gone by morning and still pay the extra day. Whoever his master was seemed to have no problem with it either since Kristoff hadn't seen hide nor hair of the man since his arrival.

He didn't bother with preliminaries, knew Elsa would appreciate that.

"I need ice blocks like the ones I sell." His tongue feels a bit thick in his mouth. He needed a drink. "Enough to fill the bed of my sleigh."

There was a pause. Sven shifted hooves, and he began to feel uneased. What if this wasn't Elsa? What if he had misread the situation and these people had no idea what he was about? He was about to babble some sort of nonsense when two thin, pale hands emerged from the dark cloak. Frost sparked from the fingertips and grew to a undulating beam focused around him to the bed of his sleigh.

In moments the whole of it was stacked so full of ice blocks he wondered if Sven could pull them all. He looked around himself. It had happened so quickly it felt as though surely he had missed something, that something else should be there, but no. There are no leftover flakes, no lingering icicles hanging from the stable rafters. Her precision was as astonishing as the result.

It was only when he blew out an impressed breath that he realized the temperature had dropped enough to see his breath.

What he wouldn't give to be able to -

"What else do you need of me?" Elsa's voice interrupted his thoughts and his mind scrambled.

"Uh - no. That's it. That's all." His mind was still waking up. "Will it melt?"

"If I want it to." It is too matter-of-fact to be ominous.

He scrubbed the back of his neck with his hand, eyes going between the guard and the black shadow where he knows Elsa's face was.

"Then - that's all."

Sven pawed at the ground. The air turned, frost emerging.

"That's all? You intend to find my sister with blocks of ice?" The edge was there in her voice now, designed to cut. He's heard it before and braced.

"It's what I know best." He held up his hands in surrender. "It's what you know best, too." He took a deep breath. "You want to know how I'm going to use it to find Anna or not?"

….

Anna's body was giving out. She could feel it. Both of her arms throbbed from being bent at angles unaccustomed in attempts to undo the lock, especially the one so incompletely healed. It was only a matter of time, she knew, before it would be entirely useless. She could hardly support it as it was. Much longer and it would be as useless a lead weight.

Except if she had a lead weigh maybe she could smash the lock.

But she didn't, so she couldn't, and the frustration rose with each painful moment. Scalding heat built behind her eyes, in the back of her throat. This wasn't working. This was impossible.

 _It seems to me that most impossible things exist to remind us that nothing really is_.

Her father's voice returned to her, whispering warm in her ear.

She was about to find out just what impossible meant.

….

She listened while Kristoff spoke, his words simple and few, but his plan made sense. She realized that she had not come out here thinking she would find reason from an iceman, that she had come for some reason to discount him. To find someone who actually had some semblance of strategy, some cohesive plot to discover her sister was a surprise. So she listened and when he finished she stood silent for a moment to collect her thoughts.

She wanted to believe, needed to, but still:

"You swear on your life that this ice is to be used in service of the Crown of Arendelle and for no other?" Sweat trickles down the nape of her neck, but she kept the hood in place. Dawn crept dangerously near.

"This ice will be used in the service of Anna." Kristoff stood taller in that moment, shoulders broad and pulled back and Elsa knew Anna would never find a better man - a stronger man to protect her. "I can harvest ice on my own - have always done it on my own - but now… Elsa," whatever height he had gained before falls on her name. "There is no time. I can't go north now when Anna needs me here - now... There is just no time. I can't."

It was like he was pulling the words from her own mind and she understood. She knew what it meant to want, to need, to love, but she was queen. What was barred to her did not have to be barred to Anna. This was what she could give her sister. She could give her love. She could give her the life and freedom she had always wanted but had never been able to have, but not if she stayed here. Not if she stayed with her.

Elsa's throat tightened, she could feel a storm brewing but she pushed it down. She stepped towards the hulking mountain man and pulled her hood back just far enough that he could see her face - that she could see his. Even in his battered state, Elsa could see his kindness. She could see his earnest spirit. She would trust that.

She would have to.

"Kristoff," she had hardly called him his give name, almost tripped over it. "If you -" she shook her head, "when you find Anna - you must take her far from Arendelle. She cannot return. She cannot come back for any reason. And - " She held his gaze, throat working furiously. She had not yet said this allowed in any context, can hardly yet believe she was saying it, yet she does. This was how she would keep Anna safe. "If she'll have you - you must marry her."

 


End file.
